Ratisskeller

  “Get down Ratskeller. Everybody hold on tight. There are some real idiots out driving today.” Jeri said as she prepared to turn onto the big road. Flooring it, her pathetic little moving box coughed a couple times and began slowly rolling forward.

  “Out of the way, jerk!” someone screamed as they swerved around the little box. Ratskeller turned in fear at a roaring noise coming up from behind them and panicked at not being able to see anything besides the backdoor.

  Jeri reached down and gave Ratskeller a calming pat. “Don’t worry Rats, it's just one of those idiots that puts on a loud muffler before doing anything else to their car. “ Jeri began slowing down to turn off the big road as she pointed at the car made from body parts from three different colored cars that was slowly passing them. “LOOK AT ME! I’m slower than molasses. Nice spoiler dumbass. Compensating for something?” Jeri hollered at the mushroom headed fool loudly squeezing every ounce of power they could out of their eighty eight horsepower engine.

  Suddenly Jeri’s eyes went wide as she reached forward and flipped a switch. A steady clicking sound started and Ratskeller saw a flashing light on the dash. SCRUNCH! There was a loud crash right behind them. “Thank god I got the blinkers on in time. That fool must have had some kind of speed skill to get that piece of crap little truck going that fast. I swear. Three most dangerous drivers on the road. PT Cruisers, 80’s S10/Rangers, and Prius owners. They either think they are Mario Andretti or don’t realize you need to push on the accelerator to go faster.”

  As Jeri turned into the mall, Ratskeller saw a rusty pile of blue metal sitting on the road they had just turned off of. Jeri shook her head, “And don’t get me started on Chicago drivers. I swear they must have a law that you can’t stay in one lane more than five seconds.”

  Jeri drove through the parking lot and around to the back into the area which Ratskeller recognized as the area that Father parked. With an excited bark she saw his moving box. FATHER’S HERE! Jeri pulled up and parked with the back of the vehicle close to the door. Removing her orange seatbelt, she leaned forward and looked up at the sky.

  “There are scary things flying around today. You three stay here until I get the door open then dash inside.” Jeri reached behind her and grabbed something shiny. With a flick of her wrist, Ratskeller realized it was one of those rolly things Father used to move stuff around. Jeri jumped out of the vehicle and ran to the door. Ratskeller and Pumpkin stood ready to dash from the tiny step by the door. George positioned himself on the seat ready to jump.

  Jeri opened the door and waved for them to come. Faster than a blink, Pumpkin and Ratskeller were through the door. George screamed in pain before he ran to the door on his hind legs rubbing his right elbow. “Why the hell would they have that latch sticking out like that?” George said as he stepped through the door right as a giant shadow passed and turned back towards them.

  Jeri slammed the door and began pushing the dolly down the hall. When they were about halfway to the concourse that Father’s store was in, a grey skinned stinky looking human appeared. “It is a felony to interfere with delivery of the mail.” Jeri shouted as she accelerated towards the stinker who groaned something in response and reached out towards Jeri.

  Ratskeller saw the dolly glow just before it splatted the stinker all over the hallway. She followed the mail lady out into the concourse and ZOOMY’d ahead to get to Father’s store. He wasn’t at the money thing or behind any of the other counters, so Ratskeller ran to the back where they kept her other bed. He wasn’t there either.

  Returning to the front she saw Jeri pick up two boxes from where Father left them for her and put them on her rolly thing while talking on the phone. “Idiots. I heard they shut down the plants because it was too dangerous for the clerks to try to get to work, but they keep us out here and now they’re mandating. Typical. Start the grievances and I’ll sign them when I get back.” She hung up and turned to Ratskeller saying, “Sorry your Father isn’t here. I’ve got to finish my rounds, but it sounds like people are gathering at the VA. Perhaps that is where he went. Just follow the big road down to a bigger road and turn left. It will be a bunch of large brick buildings on the right.”

  Ratskeller had never been to the VA, but she wasn’t giving up until she found her humans. “Thanks for getting us here. We’ll head to this VA place and see if they are there.”

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  Jeri reached down and gave them each a quick pat. “Be careful it looks like looters are already out and about. Who knows what kind of stupidity people will get up to.” she said as she nodded towards some shelves that were completely empty. Jeri waved goodbye and headed down the concourse occasionally going in to pick up packages to put on her dolly.

  George stood there with a goofy smile on his face before he sighed and said, “My first pat… Well, I guess we should head to this VA place.” Ratskeller noticed he was wearing a white robe and a silver necklace. She looked at Pumpkin and saw she was wearing a leather outfit with her tail sticking out and her claws looked like metal.

  “Where did you get the stuff?” Ratskeller asked, sniffing at George’s robe.

  “Loot from the squirrel fight. Check your inventory. I’m sure you got something.” George answered. Ratskeller checked her inventory and saw two items. First was Helm of the Landshark +5 def and protection against mental attacks. Set item. The second was a book with the title Landswim. She focused on the book and learned how to swim through the ground. She also equipped the helm.

  Pumpkin laughed. “Protection for the least important part of your body.” Ratskeller growled assuming the cat was calling her stupid. Pumpkin rolled her eyes. “Just kidding. Don’t be so touchy.”

  “Don’t be such a jerk.” Ratskeller countered the way she knew a good girl would. Good girls don’t back down to meanies.

  “I think we should take advantage of being indoors. I saw something big flying as I came in.” George said. “We’ll go all the way to the other end before we go outdoors. I know the area pretty well. My family used to come over here for dinner at the big green boxes.”

  As they walked, Ratskeller decided to test her landswim skill, but she was distracted by the smell of food. None of it was what George called a treasure, but it still made her tummy rumble a little.

  “Please help. My family is in trouble.” a small voice called out and a dark furred pointy snout with beady eyes poked around the corner.

  George and Pumpkin immediately hurried to the voice, but Ratskeller hesitated. “What kind of trouble?”

  “You must hurry. Follow me. You’ll see.” the rat said. Ratskellers didn’t trust him and her new helm was vibrating slightly, but the other two continued to hurry after the rat towards a hole in the wall behind a counter.

  Pumpkin slashed with her claws and George pulled out the section she had cut free so the hole was large enough for the three of them to get through. “Hurry.” The rat said and the two scurried after him through the dimly lit area with pipes and wires. Ratskeller let out a low growl, but followed because she didn’t want to be alone.

  A few lefts and rights then down a set of stairs, the group rushed past some big metal things and into an open area with shelves surrounding it. “Where is your family?” Ratskeller asked again.

  “Hurry, Hurry. They are right over here.” the rat said as he led them deeper into the room before stopping. He turned and looked at them. Ratskeller didn’t like the look in his eyes.

  George rushed forward and looked around before asking, “Where are they? I’m a healer.”

  The rat lifted his paws in the air with an evil grin as his eyes started glowing green. “They are here.” Rats appeared on the shelves behind them and began jumping down to the floor. From the corner, Ratskeller thought she heard a chuckle and someone whisper, “Ratisskeller.”

  “What is wrong with them?’ Pumpkin asked. “They look fine. Well, as fine as rats can look.”

  “They need XP.” The rat that had backed a few steps away from them and disappeared into the darkness.

  “What’s XP?” Pumpkin asked.

  “What they get from killing us.” George answered. Ratskeller didn’t like the sound of that, so she went for a swim. The rats instinctively froze when Ratskeller dove into the ground and a glowing gold fin appeared cutting through the ground towards them. Pumpkin jumped in front of George and lifted her paws. “Bring it on, Vermin.” Enormous metal claws appeared with a SCHWING!

  The gold fin disappeared and the rats charged. The air to the sides and above Pumpkin shimmered as George whispered something to her. Ratskeller was building up speed as she swam up towards her first target. CHOMP. She flew into the air and her target flew into pieces. MULTICHOMP. Three more rats became thirty pieces of rats as Ratskeller dove back into the ground and the fin began ominously circling again.

  George held onto the back of Pumpkin's leather outfit as the two steadily moved through the rats that had reached them. The shimmering air protected their flanks while Pumpkin rolled her front paws over top of each other shredding the rats like a blender. As the shimmering air began to flash, George reached down and grabbed the tails of two downed rats. Well, the headless corpse of one and half rat was probably the most accurate way to describe what he picked up with his other hand.

  The air exploded pushing away the rats that had been attempting to reach the pair from the side. George commenced to booshing and bashing with his one and a half rats. He discovered it was actually easier to control the mismatched pair then it would have been to fight with two full sized rats. Pumpkin had turned into a blur of kicks and slashes. Ratskeller’s dorsal fin disappeared and the rats screamed in terror. CHOMP. MULTICHOMP. MULTICHOMP. The rats fled for their lives. Pumpkin pureed the ones that headed towards her and George while Ratskeller ZOOMied after the ones running towards where they had entered. CHOMP. CHOMP. SLASH. SLASH. BOOSH. BONK. BASH. The three soon stood victorious in a newly rat-free storage room. Well, LIVE rat-free storage room.

  Pumpkin fistbumped George as Ratskeller trotted over. “I thought you couldn’t fight?” Ratskeller asked.

  George shrugged. “I don’t have any skills, but I am pretty strong.”

  A voice called from the corner, “Over here mighty Ratisskeller.”