"What does that mean?" I tilted my head to the side, perplexed.

  "It is an ancient rite of my people. Our junk fights, whichever junk wins, gets the other junk," the Skav explained in broken common.

  The wording especially confused and flabbergasted me. Now, I would not judge. But these creatures didn't seem like the smartest chaps. They looked like goblins that had spent too much time in a mana reactor. Which is probably what they were. However, how he explained this so-called "ancient rite" if I was hearing it correctly. He wanted us to whip out our junk and fight each other with it.

  "A junk fight?" was all I could say.

  "Yes, it's the old ways; your junk is worthy." The Skav proclaimed, eliciting hushed tones from his companions.

  "Worthy." They whispered.

  I did a double take, my juvenile brain attempting to parse this and only coming to a single crude conclusion. And yet that couldn't be the answer, but what if it was? The idea of such a contest, however faint the possibility, made me cringe so hard.

  "And how does this junk fight work?" I probed, hoping he wasn't about to drop his drawers and prepare his weapon.

  "We shall drop our other junk and only fight with the worthy junk." He explained as he fiddled with his belt.

  "Woah, dude, slow down. This is getting weird. What are doing?" I raised my hands, waving them frantically for him to stop.

  The creature's beady yellow eyes narrowed in confusion. Stopping halfway through removing his belt. We lingered in that moment for quite a while before he spoke.

  "I am removing the magic belt so only fight with spoon junk."

  "Magic belt?" I muttered.

  Taking a better look at the apparel, I sensed a substantial amount of system energy localised within the implement. It was difficult to observe the gear, similar to his murder spoon, but it had an enchantment. The energy flowed like murky water around the belt, giving very little clear detail. So I just activated an Inspect, and soon it revealed the truth. Well, not the truth, just another question.

  [Junk Belt. Description: A belt that does magical stuff. Enchantments: Make things go the other way. Made By: Nutnug. Owned By: Nutnug]

  "What is that?" I couldn't help but ask.

  "This is the Junk Belt. Make things go the other way." He reiterated the item description.

  Who wrote these item descriptions? because it wasn't us. Is this some kind of glitch? Or do these creatures create their own system-integrated gear? The idea was staggering. Although not impossible. The dungeons automated most of their gear creation. Could these Skavs have somehow tapped into that system by instinct?

  "Interesting stuff, already. Let's get our fight underway. What about my friends? Can they watch?" I gestured to Xynthia and Rak.

  The two were facing off against a group of Skavs. Weapons and whatever those creatures had, all out and ready for battle. My Skav looked over at the standoff, scratched his chin before whistling like a little birdie. His compatriots stopped their advance, looking up and around before locking on to us. He made a few more gestures, and they backed away.

  "Thanks, dude." I said gratefully.

  "We junk fight now?" He asked.

  I raised a hand to pause the eventual fight and quickly dropped my other gear to make it fair. Placing them in my satchel and put it aside next to a nearby tree. A resounding chorus of oohs and aahs came from all the Skavs in attendance.

  "That good junk... junk goes inside other junk?" Nutnug asked.

  "It's a spatial satchel; it's pretty useful."

  The assembled Skavs nodded, eyes wide and mouths agape. Their teeth were pretty normal, not razor sharp as I expected for goblinoids. They were definitely goblin variants, perhaps descendants of some dungeon. Those crazy mana ecosystems always produced the weirdest stuff.

  The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

  "Joey, what's going on?" Xyn arrived, weapons still bared and watching cautiously.

  "Chill guys, me and Nutnug are going to have a duel."

  "Junk fight." Nutnug corrected.

  "Oh yes, junk fight, sorry." I bowed my head a little in apology.

  "What is a junk fight?" Rak asked, keeping his crossbow trained on the approaching Skavs.

  "It's kind of like a duel, winner gets the other's weapon."

  "An honour duel? These creatures have such a culture?" Rak looked perplexed, his gaze shifting to Xyn.

  "I have no idea." She shrugged, still looking around warily.

  "We can chat later; it is time for epicness." I declared, brandishing my blade.

  The world faded away, and soon only the two of us remained, spoon against sword. A contest of champions with splendid weapons of myth and power. Truly, this would be a battle for the ages. Nutnug made the first move, swiping across and sending a wave of sharpness. I briefly recognised system warping, transforming the air into blades. Shifting my blade into a defensive stance, I parried the oncoming attack. Force met force, cancelling each other out. What followed were a few more probing strikes. Nutnug scooped the air, trying to remove bits of my flesh like I was an ice cream cone. Every attack was negated; my reflexes and system eyes allowed me to detect and intercept.

  "Human is good." Nutnug praised.

  "I'm a Clerk Nutnug, but I get your confusion." I corrected.

  "Clerk." The Skav tasted the word, finding it palatable. "Nutnug shall remember."

  And with that, the fight resumed, with myself as the aggressor. Wanting to remove his advantage of distance, I sped forward, pumping every bit of power into my legs and closing the distance. Nutnug seemed unbothered and just kept firing off his scooping attacks one after the other. With my keen eye, I could easily anticipate each attack. Dodging from side to side, I narrowly missed the gusts of wind that proceeded losing flesh. Not keen on losing half of my face. I do not know if my resilience attribute can handle such a loss of skin and muscle.

  Arriving, I sliced across only for him to parry my badass Aetherblade with a spoon. I didn't even see the two weapons touch; he just raised the spoon, and I felt a block. Like striking an army tank. I immediately sensed a shift in the air as he pushed forward his spoon and blasted me back. My barrier took the brunt of the blow. It felt like a round of slashes all arriving spread out evenly.

  "So your spoon does more than just attack." I said.

  The Skav just grinned maliciously, twiddling his spoon in his hand rather expertly. It flew across his knuckles, around his palm and back into his grip. With weapon raised, he readied to the spoon of doom.

  "This is good junk, with many magic put into it."

  "Well, let's see what else it can do." I made ready.

  As if challenged, he thrust the spoon at my feet. Bracing for an attack, oddly, nothing came. Just a strange rumbling from beneath. The ground shook violently just as the spoon raised into the air and the grass beneath vanished. Dirt flung into the air around me as I fell into an abyss.

  I fell into a hole, a bloody hole. Looks like the magic spoon can magically spoon the planet. Pretty cool if I say so myself, but really sucks when used against me. I will admit I screamed a bit when the world fell out from under me, falling to my death. Then my outstanding cape kicked in and a treacherous fall became a lovely little descent with jam and scones, truly a gentleman's jaunt down to hell.

  Landing gracefully, I looked around. There was dirt in every direction, with the sun shining down. The hole was pretty far down; the world was steeped in darkness, only the narrow hole above granted us light. Considering the amount of dirt his magic spoon would need to move, must have been a decent expenditure of power. I wondered where all the dirt went and then I looked up. It wasn't raining men; it was raining dirt and grass.

  Dropping my sword, I raised both hands and unleashed a force blast. Widening the attack to cover the entire hole, unleashing a devastating force attack. As the dirt rained down, threatening to bury me alive, I sent forth my will and blasted it back into the stratosphere.

  "Oh yeah, you know what time it is." I muttered.

  Before it could return, I grinned as my next thought came to mind. Kneeling down, I took a familiar pose. Both knees bent, left arm in front as if carrying something and my right pulled back. Striking a pose that a certain boy scout in a cape and underwear likes to do. I sent a force blast straight down and propelled myself up and into the air. Having done this before the launch was not too bad, a little bumpy but overall a solid effort. Ascending into the sky, I couldn't help but smile and wave at the confused Skav. Tilting forward, I directed my slow fall towards my enemy before sending a probing force blast his way.

  "Take that!" I yelled.

  The blast collided with the dumbstruck goblin, knocking him off his feet. He flew for a short while before his ass met grass. I, however, fell to the ground as delicately as a flower upon the breeze. Secured on solid ground as the sounds of raining dirt fell behind, possibly refilling the hole. I prepared to begin the battle anew.

  It wasn't too long before Nutnug got back onto his feet and began flinging his spoon in every direction. Projecting a wide area of devastation, trees cut apart, new holes dug and general anarchy descended upon the lands. I shrugged and quickly force blasted into the air, directing my ascent diagonally and glided across the distance to land behind him. Sadly, I undershot the distance and met the power of his spoon to the face.

  "Bloody hell!" I cursed after getting my bell rung.

  The barrier barely held as whatever magic the spoon held tried to tear its way through my protections and rip my face off. Yet it held long enough for me to right myself and slash down with my sword. The sword came down and embedded itself in his shoulder because he didn't have his deflection gear. He roared in pain, and I seized the advantage, knocking away his weapon, retracting my blade and pressing it against his throat.

  "I win." I declared, meeting Nutnugs' bloodshot eyes just as he smiled.

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