“Rose, have you ever spoken to any of your characters?”

  “Yes, Sparky, Juliet is my best friend.”

  “Great, ask her to come off the page.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Just try, Rose, you claim you’re not a bibliomancer, prove me wrong.”

  “Ok, umm Juliet, Juliet.”

  “Oh, just the busybody I want to speak to.”

  “Um Juliet not now, I’m with Grandmaster Brightspark, and he asked if you’d... come off the page and speak to him.”

  “With pleasure, you’ve been to my world, millions of times, yet you never once thought to ask me to yours. Grandmaster Brightspark, what an absolute pleasure it is to meet you, and what a beautiful shop, I do wish we had a bookshop in the village, but I can’t get someone to create it.”

  “Juliet, please call me Sparky, it’s Rose’s little pet name for me.”

  “Thank you, Sparky, yes Rose does have a thing about writing out names, did you notice her girlfriend Lupinia gets referred to as Lu.”

  “Juliet, you are just as delightful in person as I’d hoped. Would you care for some tea and perhaps a sweetbun? They’re quite good.”

  I stood in shock as Juliet and ‘Sparky’ chatted over tea. I went over and pinched Juliet. She screeched.

  “Sorry I just wanted to make sure you’re real.”

  “Of course I’m real, and stop interrupting. I was just telling Sparky how excited I am to be in a published book. And don’t forget when he is done with me, I want to have a word with you about my innocent little brother, and that debauched girl you recommended to him. I’m sorry, Sparky, what were you saying before Rose pinched me?”

  “Nothing my dear nothing, I’d much rather hear this story about your younger brother and how Rose aims to corrupt him.”

  “Juliet, I’m not having this conversation here. It’s not appropriate and Sparky doesn’t need to hear all this.”

  “Rose, on the contrary, this is exactly the kind of stuff a publisher needs to know to promote a book.”

  “Sparky, Sebastian isn’t even in the book, so it’s really not relevant…”

  “This person is important to Juliet, he makes up her backstory, he is a young innocent, thrust into the arms of some debauched, libertine. Who is doing, gods know what with him even as we speak.”

  “Fine, if you both feel that you must tease me so mercilessly, I will tell you the story. The last time I talked to Sebastian, he asked me to create a girl for him to ravish, because he claims he’s being bullied in school as the only virgin ravisher. Then, and I quote, he said 'write in a young lady for me to ravish, I’d like a blonde with wavy hair, green emerald eyes and really big breasts and a thin waist, and she should laugh at my jokes and be dying for me to ravish her.' Then I talked to him about free will and how would you like it if I wrote you have to go to church for three hours every day. Then he mentioned something about a preacher's daughter.”

  “That’s the hussy I’m talking about, so you did recommend her.”

  “I most certainly did not, I don’t even know her, but now it seems I’ll have to intervene, what’s her name?”

  “Salome Johnson.”

  “Come on, you're making that up, Juliet, what kind of preacher would name his darling baby girl Salome?”

  “Well, apparently preacher Johnson, he probably had a prophetic dream about how she'd become the all time champ seducer of the village, and wanted to name her appropriately.”

  “Well, I’ll speak to her, but I have to find Lu, we need to get going. It's a long walk back and it’s already past noon.”

  “I’m sorry, Rose, that's not going to be possible, you’re going to have to stay here in Wyldwood for at least the next few months.”

  “Why, I can’t, I have my mother and granny to look after, and Lu and I… Well Lu and I are in love, so I can’t stay here, you already have the novel, so if it takes a couple of months to make copies, I’ll just come back for it.”

  “No, Rose, you are an untrained Bibliomancer, you didn’t even know it was possible to draw Juliet from the novel. You, young lady, are a danger to yourself and the people around you. Lucky for you, I happen to be the Grandmaster of the Bibliomancers guild and even luckier for you I happen to need an apprentice. There is an apartment above the shop, you and Lu are welcome to use it. I live in the big tower just outside the gates. You wouldn’t want any harm to come to your mother or grandmother, would you? Of course you don’t. Just go home this afternoon and tell your mother you're getting magic lessons and report back here tomorrow morning at nine sharp. Understand.”

  “But I live in Tranquility, there’s no way I can get there and back in twelve hours. It’s a minimum of three days round trip.”

  “That’s only if you’re walking, go to Lilies and ask for a half dozen 'Leave this muffin,' just tell her they’re for me. Find your girlfriend Lu. and...”

  “Well we haven’t had that conversation yet, I mean we haven’t labeled it.”

  “Girl, what are you talking about?”

  “You said find your girlfriend and…”

  “I don’t care about that, call her whatever you like just find her, explain what I explained to you and go home, but be back here tomorrow morning at nine am and bring the things you’ll need, clothes, journals, books and have this Lu with you, I want to meet her. Understood?”

  “Understood, but what are the muffins for? Do they make me run real fast?”

  “No, I forgot to explain that part, with you going on and on about labeling your relationship. The muffin summons a portal demon, when the demon appears tell him where you want to go and how long you want the portal to remain open.”

  “What about Juliet?”

  “Juliet can stay here with me when we’re done chatting. I'll return her to her home, but I want all the dirt on you and I have a feeling, I can get it all from Juliet. Oh wait, here take these, your mother and grandmother might be pleased to see a book with your name on it.”

  Then I walked over to Madd Maggie’s and asked her if Lu had returned the magical baked goods, and Lily said she was very happy, and that we’d made the right decision. I told her I’d be in town for a few months, working at Enigmatic Parchments and that ‘Spark’ asked for half a dozen 'Leave This Muffin,' she gave me a dozen and asked me to come back soon.

  I walked back to Jack in the Green, hoping to find Lu and she had quite the afternoon crowd applauding and tipping. It took longer to explain my morning to Lu because I had to explain the whole I’m a Bibliomancer, required to be an apprentice, the portal muffins, and I really don’t want to be apart for months when we just got together. Lu agreed and had a quick word with Jack and like that Lu had a new job as a bard, afternoons and early evenings in the tavern. With that we went to our room, gathered our things and I summoned a portal demon. A very cute blue demon about a foot tall with fluttering wings, when I handed him the muffin he popped it whole in his mouth, told him we wanted to go to the town square in Tranquility.

  All of a sudden a sea green swirling light filled the center of the room, the demon motioned for me to step through and I was standing in the sunlight of the Tranquility town square. I apologized to the people I startled and told them someone else would be coming through in a second. That’s when Lu appeared with all the camping gear. I helped her get her the camping gear back to the Black Dog, thanking Marley for the loan. Lu quietly explained to Marley that I had to stay in Wyldwood for a few months, and that she was staying with me.

  The merchant we’d met on the road was in the Black Dog and wouldn’t let Lu leave without a song. “Come now just one song from the bard that Oberon wants to meet.”

  The patrons were amazed that their bard, as Lu was now referred to, had attracted the attention of Oberon himself.

  “Shall we go see your mother and grandmother?”

  “Yes, if you don’t mind, Lu, I’ll bet we’re just in time for supper.”

  “That sounds wonderful to me. Rose, your mother is a fantastic cook.”

  "Let's go, but I don’t want to stay too late, I want to spend the night together in our cottage.”

  “Hoping for a three-peat are you?”

  “Don’t you start teasing me, Sparky and Juliet were relentless this morning.”

  “I’m sorry, maybe I’m the one that’s hoping for three-peat.”

  Ma and Granny were amazed to see us, I gave them each a copy of my book, getting hugs and kisses from them both.

  “But you see now that we know that I’m a Bibliomancer, I have to apprentice with Grandmaster Brightspark for a few months and Lu has been summoned to Quintessence to perform for Oberon himself.”

  “You be sure to write to me every week, I want the news about you both, don’t we, granny.”

  “I promise I’ll write, but here are two portal muffins, just say, 'Demon, I want to go to Enigmatic Parchments in Wyldwood,' you step through the light and you’ll be there. It’s closer than the privy.”

  We thanked each other and hugged each other, promising to write and then Lu and I walked back to the cottage where we had a two-peat and fell asleep exhausted in each other's arms.

  What it feels like to leave a new home

  I just moved into the cottage a few days before our trip, but I feel like I’m abandoning my home. I know it’s silly but I have this deep feeling of nostalgia for the place. In a few months, I’ll be home for good, I know. Also some of this might be fear of the unknown. I’ve had the same routine for years: get up and write in the afternoon, visit granny, home for dinner, reading, sometimes more writing then the next morning the whole cycle spins round again. Now I’m going to be working for a wildly eccentric wizard who wants me to call him an inappropriate nickname, who teases me relentlessly. It’s going to be a long couple of months. We’d packed the night before so that we could just get up and have a quick cup of tea which I served to Lu in bed.

  “Oh, I could get used to this, you’d make quite a nice wife.”

  “Not you too, is everyone going to tease me constantly from now on?”

  “Not, if we’re trying for a four-peat, I won’t have the time or the energy to tease you then.”

  I flushed crimson and felt my ears burn from the innuendo, but I also loved that we were getting so comfortable with each other. Last week on the walk to Wyldwood, I worried that we’d never get over that awkwardness. Now we were behaving like a pair of newlyweds. When I thought that, I flushed again.

  “Come on and get that pretty tail out of bed, did you see what I did there, that’s a published novelist for you.”

  “Yes, Yes, published novelist coming through.” Waging her ass back and forth like she had a tail. So I had to swat at it, which led to a little hugging and kissing.

  “Ok, I can’t be late for my first day. If I ask the demon to leave the portal open for an hour will that give us enough time to move what we need to?”

  “Yes I think that’ll be plenty, Rose. I really feel kind of sad about leaving. We haven't been here long at all but I’ve really grown quite attached, and we did all that work in the garden.”

  “Well at least we got our outdoor bath, and it was the first time I got to see you naked.”

  “Now you can see me naked, anytime you want, Rose.” Then she flashed me.

  I called the portal demon, gave him the muffin, and asked him to keep the portal open for an hour. I stepped through, Lu handing bag after bag, item after item but quickly enough we had everything we needed and Lu stepped through. Lu carried enormous amounts upstairs at once. The best I could manage was a couple of bags at a time. The town hall bell started to chime and I had eight more peals to get to the first job of my life. A quick kiss to Lu’s lips and I had seven peals, I bounded down the steps and hit the front door with six peals left. So it’s a three peal run from the apartment, my new home for the coming months and I never got to look around.

  “Your late.”

  “I’m six peals early.”

  “What?”

  “That was the nine o'clock bell. It took me three peals to get from the apartment, to down here, so I’m six peals early.”

  “No the first peal means it’s nine o’clock, that means if you’re not here before the first peal you're late.”

  “Oh sorry.”

  “It’s Ok, come on we’re going to Lily’s. I’m sure with all that running and pealing you didn’t have enough time for breakfast.”

  “But what about the shop?”

  “It’s a magical shop, it looks after itself. Lily’s is Magical as well, when Lily is out gathering magical ingredients for her special bakes, the bakery is still open, you just go in and take what you want, the store keeps track, and it keeps on baking as well it just can’t bake the magical bakes. With magical shops we can do the interesting work, and the store can handle all the dull bits. I find the customers to be the dull bits. You may feel differently, if you want to deal with them go right ahead. Friday is payday when you get your salary, and because you're an author, you’ll also get your royalties. After you Rose.”

  “Hi Welcome to Madd Maggies Magical Bakery. I’m Lily, what can I get for you?, you it’s you two, how are you both this fine day.”

  “Good, excited, scared. New town, good. New job, excited. New boss, scary.”

  “Hey the Grandmaster is standing right here. Lily yesterday, she came into my shop and started curtsying to me. Today she says I’m scary. Lily, can I please have a half dozen sweet rolls and whatever Rose wants and a half dozen donuts.”

  “I have no idea how you can eat so many baked goods and still be as skinny as a bean pole. Rose, what can I get for you?”

  “Could I have a donut please, I’ve never had one before.”

  “You’ll love them,” he said and he took another humongous bite. "I can eat so many because magic uses lots of energy, just wait next week Rose will be ordering a dozen donuts at a time.”

  “Here’s two donuts. I hope you like them, and keep them away from the human vacuum.”

  “Thanks Lily, they look delicious.”

  “Ok, your time to do some work for your scary boss. Thanks Lily. Bye.”

  “Bye, you two. Have fun.”

  “This morning I’ll show you around the store, there are some resources there that you might find useful. Do you have your journal?”

  “Yes but I left it upstairs I thought I’d be stocking shelves and taking care of customers.”

  The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “Well you might be sometimes if you want to, but you need your journal. The best way to learn something is to take notes. So you run up and get it and I’ll meet you in the shop. I want to see how you handle Salome.”

  “Hello, Salome, Salome, it’s Rose, I’d like to speak to you. Salome, Salome, where are you? I’d like to speak to you.”

  “Yeah, and I’d like to be able to fart pink rainbows, make that happen and I’ll talk to you.”

  “If you insist, they come out pink, but they still smell like the privy.”

  “I think you made me crap my pants.”

  “I didn’t make you do anything dear, you asked for pink farts I gave you pink farts. Please clean yourself up and we’ll talk.”

  “Sparky, I know I’m not off to a great start, but I really have to get to know her, to understand why she is the way she is.”

  “I didn’t say anything Rose, I'm just an observer here, I want to see your technique.”

  “Ah, Ok sure, here she comes.”

  “All cleaned up?”

  “Like you care, why are you here?”

  “I want to get to know you.”

  “Why?”

  “Well why not, I’m an author, the more people I know, the more I have to write about and I love writing. What do you love doing?”

  “Look I don’t know what you heard, but I don’t do women.I’m strictly one for the boys or men ok. I’m not judging, you look fairly decent and if I did do women, I’d do you based on looks.”

  “Umm, thank you I guess. But that’s not why I’m here. I want to get to know about you. What do you like? Reading? Music? Sports? Clothes? Dolls? Cooking? Baking?”

  “I like money, money will get me out of this village so that’s the kind of thing I like. I will also take gems, jewels, jewelry but I prefer money, it’s easier to hide and you don’t need a fence to turn it into cash.”

  “So you don’t like small town living and you’re saving to get away from here. Good. Where are you planning to go?”

  “I don’t know, I don’t have enough cash yet, so I haven’t decided on a destination yet.”

  “OK, what are you going to do when you get there?”

  “What are you writing a book?”

  “I might, I am a writer. What do your parents do?”

  “My Ma is dead, He’s a preacher.”

  “So you could always become a preacher, right, you must know a lot about religion.”

  “I know it’s a load of horse, no pig shite.”

  “I’m not a big fan myself. The part that first bothered me was in the wedding ceremony the wife has to vow to obey the husband. You can tell whoever wrote that was a man. Then did you hear about that other religion where the man can have multiple wives. Another book of rules written by men. That’s why I became a writer, so I could write my own set of rules. What about you did you ever consider being a writer?”

  “I never really thought about it before.”

  “Do you like to read?”

  “I used to when I was still a girl, but I haven’t read anything in a long time.”

  “Well if you’re not busy right now why don’t you come to the bookstore where I work and you can read my book for a little while, then you can tell me what you think. When you get to your new town, you’ll need a job so you might as well watch me learn about my new job. What do you say?”

  “Umm, Ok.”

  “Great, give me a second, and I’ll bring you over.”

  “Sparky, you need to get out of here, she’s either afraid of men or just disgusted by them, I’ll take notes and we can go over them later but I think this girl needs help. OK?”

  “Well I’ll go to Lily’s, I can always do with another sweet roll or six.”

  “Thank You.” With that he portaled away and I asked Salome to come through and she did.

  “Ok, how about some tea and a donut?”

  “Donut?”

  “It’s a marvelous baked good, here try it. Sit right here in the comfortable chair, I’ll get you my book. If my boss comes back, just ignore him. That’s what I do. I’ll leave you to read while I straighten the shelves and try to learn what it is we stock.”

  For a couple of hours that’s exactly what we did. I had a couple of customers and one I actually helped find a book that I’d remembered we had from the time spent straightening things up.

  When I saw her fidgeting a little bit more, I thought now maybe she’ll be more open to talking so I went over and sat down across from her. Giving her some time then I asked, “What do you think so far? I was pretty naive about that guy Damon. I’m pretty embarrassed by it now but that’s the kind of guy I thought I wanted.”

  “I could tell right away that he was going to cause trouble and generally be vile, but I do like the way that you got rid of him, kinda let him talk his way into the trap and then use his own words against him. Wait, is that what you are doing to me right now?”

  “Absolutely not, I swear. I don’t think you are causing trouble or that you are vile. I honestly want to get to know you and if you need anything or I can help in any way just let me know. OK?”

  “Ok.”

  “It must be really hard growing up without your mum, I never knew my da. It’s always been me, my ma and granny against the world. So I’ve been very lucky and I had a good friend in your village, Juliet, she’s sharp tongued. She wanted me to kill my girlfriend at first after Juliet discovered her secret but eventually she came around. But my point is I’ll introduce you and if either of us can help you we will?”

  “Why?”

  “Because we can, and if you can and don’t what kind of person are you then? Besides as the author I have a certain amount of power, power I want to use for good. I no longer want to be the naive girl who wrote that opening chapter.”

  “Did you want to talk more or should I send you home for the day, or maybe you’d like another donut?”

  “Could I have another donut and maybe talk a little bit more…”

  “Why did you tell me that?”

  “Hello, Hello, Rose are you here?”

  “Hi Lu, this is a surprise, come meet my boss, Sparky.”

  “Hello Grandmaster, it's wonderful to meet you. Thank you for lending us the lovely apartment.”

  “You’re more than…” quietly. “Werewolf, yeah, does Rose know?”

  “Yes sir she does.”

  “Good I wouldn’t want to keep such a big secret from her.I’m glad you like the apartment, wait you’re a bard. You’re the bard that wrote the song about Lily. Will you sing it please?”

  There is a Maker

  Who in Wildwood Lives

  The Maker was a Baker

  Who Gives and Gives and Gives

  The Baker was no Faker

  Her magic cures the Hives

  The Maker was a Baker

  With Cures for All the Wives

  “Lily didn’t help you with this, did she?”

  “Yes, she gave me a few of the rhymes and a lay that I used.”

  “Oh this is bad you both could go to prison, this was written before Rose came here, right? Rose get over here now.”

  “As soon as I get done helping the customer.”

  “Now Rose this is more important.”

  “Nothing is more important than a customer in a shop.”

  “Well sorry to the customer but it is indeed more important to get over here now.”

  “Rose it really is important, Sparky isn’t lying you really need to come now.”

  Rose to the customer: “I’m very sorry but these two won’t stop until I attend to whatever insane idea they have now. The shop is magical so if you have any questions just ask.”

  Rose goes over and kisses Lu and says, “Alright, I almost sold him that large tome on fungi, it would have been the biggest sale of the week.”

  “Sparky said we may go to prison.”

  “What, what are you talking about? We haven’t committed any crimes.”

  “Lu said that you helped her with Lily’s song.”

  “Just a couple of rhymes.”

  “You gave me the lay too, remember?”

  “Oh yeah I did, I forgot, but that can’t be illegal, I gave them freely, Lu saved my life twice, how could I not help her out, Sparky.”

  “Not because it’s you, it's because you're a Bibliomancer and it’s illegal to set a Bibliomancers words to song. They are too powerful.”

  “Well I’ll just unwrite it. I’ll never sing it again.”

  “Even if you didn’t it wouldn’t matter, bards all over are singing that song, Lily hasn’t been off her feet in months.”

  “I might be able to help Lily, I’ve got just the girl for her, she needs an apprentice, Salome is very soon going to need a place to live. Now if we can’t unmake the song what do we do?”

  “After your apprenticeship here ends, you’ll need to go to Quintessence and see Oberon, explain at the time you helped you believed you were an author just helping with simple rhymes, you didn’t learn that you were a Bibilimancer until months later, when you learned the crime you unwittingly committed. Oberon is himself a Bibliomancer, a fairly good one and Titania was a bard, together they wrote a song that they used to depose the former King of Emain Ablach, King Nuada. They immediately banned Bard/Bibliomancer collaboration, it’s been illegal ever since.”

  “Ok we have months before we have to worry about that. Lu, keep playing Lily’s song. We need to drive more business her way. This is going to work out perfectly. I’m going to Lily’s to ask her to hire Salome. Love you Lu, don’t worry we’ll sort this OK.”

  A quick kiss and she was gone.

  “What do you think, Sparky?”

  “Well it’s no good guessing, we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m sure Rose is right, it'll all work out in the end.”

  Nothing ever hinders Rose, once she sees what she perceives to be the right path she just barrels ahead until the objective is achieved, I just hope I have the energy to keep up and I’m supposed to be the strong one.

  A new plot to defeat evil

  Friday night I was standing outside the pastor’s house right by Salome’s window. When the preacher and the Head Deacon called Salome out to the Living room, I’d enter Salome’s bedroom listening at the door until I had everything I needed. I’d be a little wrench in the works, the hindrances of hindrances. Our plan began to move and I made a little more noise than I expected but the fat frog-like, no toad-like Head Deacon was more intent on his evenings illicit, criminal, disgusting entertainment. Five minutes later I heard the signal, Salome says, “No please stop.”

  The toad says “You want it, you know you want it, you little whore.”

  I enter and say, “That’ll be just about enough out of you toad. Preacher, get up off your knees, no gods are ever going to forgive you for what you’ve done to your own daughter. Now the only question is what should I do with you. I hear in prison they have special ways to treat criminals like you. So you can actually feel the pain just like your victim did, or I could just have Salome stick a broom so far up you bum you shite blood for the rest of your life.”

  “You think we’re just going to sit here while you ruin our lives, we’ll kill both you whores.”

  “You can’t move, I drugged your drinks.” I didn’t really, I just wrote that they were unable to move.

  “Well who do you think the police are going to believe, a gutter snipe who diddled every boy in school or the Head Deacon and Preacher who were trying to show her the error of her ways, I’ll tell you who, us?”

  “Really, I hadn’t thought of that, but what if they had signed confessions from both of you detailing what you’ve done to this underage girl for the past one and a half years? Have a look at these; they certainly look like your hand writing and signature. Don’t they?”

  “They’re not real, nobody is going to believe it.”

  “They are real, and people will jump to believe because deep down people always knew the truth about you, they just felt it hard to accept. But with written confessions, testimony from the victim and a witness from out of town who has nothing to gain by lying you two are done. Wanna call me more names, I take shorthand, I’ll love to give the jury detailed testimony of the vile names you called me. Not things a church elder should even know, let alone use in the presence of a lady and an underage girl. Preacher, go fetch the guards please, if you cooperate they might go a tiny bit easier on you.”

  The preacher fled, I wasn’t sure where, the guards maybe or maybe the next book over. I could get him back any time I wanted.

  “Salome, honey you go get changed but give me that dress I want to show the guard where this pervert tried to rip it off you.”

  “Look lady what do you want, I have money, we can make some kind of arrangement.”

  “You want to know what I want, I want to know where entitled people like you come from. Is it because you were born with money, or did you learn it from your daddy? I’m truly interested to know?”

  “Lady, this isn’t going anywhere, I own the guards so as soon as they get here I’ll be free and have you charged with drugging me.”

  “Oh my what shall I do? I’m in so much trouble.”

  “I’m all set Rose, here’s the dress, are we coming back here?”

  “Only if you need to pack.”

  “Nope, I packed this afternoon.”

  “Great we’ll leave from the guard station then.”

  “You toad, get up and march.”

  “What I don’t have any clothes on.”

  “No you don’t and you look disgusting, if I had to look at you, then I think that the rest of the village should have to look at you, for letting you get away with what you did for so long. A toad like you can’t hide his warts. No matter how much money you have.”

  We were just about at the guards station when a pair of guards and the Preacher came striding up to us.

  “There she is, I told you she’s a witch, she bewitched us and forced us to write confessions to something we didn’t do and striped off the Deacon’s clothes, and now forced him to parade through town just to discredit us.”

  “This man is a toad.” Then he was a giant fat smelly toad. "This man is a liar, and a weasel." “Guards please summon Juliet she’ll tell you exactly who and what I am. In the meantime, keep these two separate. I don't want the weasel to eat the toad. He should go to prison for a long time. So I told them, the toad found out the weasel was stealing from the church, as the toad is the Head Deacon. Instead of informing the church body of the preacher's theft he instead extorted him for the sexual favors of his underage daughter. Which I witnessed personally tonight. A close look at the church’s books will reveal the truth of the matter. I’d like them both locked up for a very long time, if you don’t feel like doing that, that’s fine they can remain as a toad and a weasel.”

  “Rose, what are you doing here?”

  “New trick I learned, now I can come and go as I please, neat huh.”

  “Yeah, neat, what’s going on?”

  “Something more vile than Damon can you believe it? Please tell the guard who I am.”

  “She’s the Authoress, you can trust her, she's on our side.”

  “Thank you, Juliet.”

  “Captain, let's start with the weasel.” When the weasel was in front of me I said, “One white lie out of you and you go back to being a weasel for life. I think they live for four or five years, so you might have a couple of good years left. Don’t test me. Now tell the Captain the whole truth right now, we have the church books so lying isn’t going to help you anyway. Could someone please get the Head Deacon's wife please, she must have a tale to tell.”

  The preacher decided jail was indeed better than two years as a weasel, he of course threw the toad to the guards as well so the case was pretty much wrapped up when Mrs Toad arrived in all her finery. “Did you know that your husband was sexually assaulting a minor for the past year and a half?”

  “That’s not true.”

  “I’m the Authoress, so to make sure we all tell the truth. The next person to lie, will fall over dead. Let me ask you again. Did you know that your husband went every Friday night and sexually assaulted this underage girl? I really would hate to see you die so answer truthfully, don’t skirt around the truth, I was very specific, lie, then die.”

  “I didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but I knew it wasn’t right.”

  “Do you have any daughters?”

  “Yes but she’s only fourteen.”

  “Salome, how old were you the first time?”

  “Fourteen.”

  “You better talk to your daughter. Let’s get the toad.”

  “This woman is insane, it’s all lies.”

  “Ok toad here’s my one time offer, if you tell a white, grey or black lie you automatically turn back into a toad and even I won’t be able to reverse it. Answer truthfully or enjoy the flies you’ll eat for the last few months of your life. Did you first sexually assault this girl when she was fourteen years old?”

  “Yes.”

  Then the mother yelled, “did you do anything to our daughter?”

  “No.” Pooff. The toad sat there glowering at me.

  “Well captain, do you need anything else from me?”

  “No ma’am.”

  “Juliet, I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning, I want to get Salome to her new home, before it gets any later, you all set honey?”

  “Yep, I’m ready.”

  We were standing in front of Madd Maggie’s Magical Bakery a minute later. As soon as I knocked Lily came out and took Salome’s suitcase leading us to Salome’s new bedroom, which looked much nicer and cheerier than her old one did. Lily said if Salome wanted to go to school she could, and work a few hours weekends in the bakery to see if she liked it. I told her if she wanted books or to talk, she knew where the bookshop was. Salome said she was just happy to be out of where she was. Then we all had some tea and some of Lily’s delicious baked goods.