He pulls up in front of a tavern. The Silver Thistle sits tucked beneath the drooping boughs of ancient trees, its carved wooden sign faded and swinging on a single hinge. The lanterns outside glow with a greenish faelight, casting long, shifting shadows across the mossy threshold. “I know it looks a bit rough, but there are lots of refugees here. Plenty of them made it here because she stood her ground against those things. Just let me poke my head in and tell them who’s in my coach.”
Kenric sits with his fingers making lazy circles along the side of my neck. It’s heavenly. A few moments later, the driver beckons from inside the door. Kenric leaps out of the carriage and reaches for me. We step into the tavern, Kenric’s hand on my back. Inside, the air is thick with the scent of old wine, pipe smoke, and something faintly herbal. It’s pleasant, but with an edge that hints at less legal indulgences.
The clientele seems to be a mix of down-at-the-heels Fey of varying ages. A table’s been cleared, a drink poured, set out, and clearly waiting for me, so I sit. Kenric steps up behind me and rests his hand on my shoulder. The bartender looks angry, and his voice echoes through the tap room. “The driver told us what you said about those uppity shitbags in that high-class neighborhood where your parents live.”
A dark murmur spreads through the crowd, but the bartender raises a hand, signaling them to quiet down.
“Tonight.”
The bartender looks at me and grins. “This night, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?, you’re going to hear from us, and we have a lot to say to you.”
The first man to step forward is missing part of a leg and moves awkwardly on a crutch. He sits down at the table across from me. “I know you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. I know you don’t smell fear on me. It was you at the little village of Kyf Doria. That thing had a hold of me and was trying to eat me, and you fought it to make it let me go. I might be missing part of a leg, but without you, I wouldn’t be here at all.”
The man raises his glass and offers the traditional toast, “Nai cuitalm? anda vanwa cothlma.”
Everyone drinks, and he gets up to make way for the next person.
Kenric leans down and asks quietly, "What does that mean?" “It’s a traditional toast among battle companions. May we all outlive our enemies.”
Next is a young girl who sits daintily. “I know you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. When those bastards raided Ameth Alari, it was you and your friends who came for us before they herded us into the pens. You carried my sister on your back and ran for miles. One of your friends took me. We live because of you. When we heard you were dueling them and killing them, we both went to the temple and made offerings for you. I’m too young to drink, so that I won’t toast you, but can I hug you?”
I nod, and she hugs me, clearly not afraid.
A young man comes next, “I know you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. I watched you and your friends hold the bridge at Osvenora so that they could evacuate the city. I know what that cost and how many of your friends stood their last stand on that bridge against those swarming nightmares.”
The young man picks up his glass, “For those who didn’t survive Osvenora.”
He pours out a little on the ground. Everyone in the tavern follows suit. “For those who did, Nai cuitalm? anda vanwa cothlma.”
Everyone drinks. I sit for the next few hours listening to stories from all these people. Tears that I never had the luxury of shedding before now roll down my cheeks. I hear names spoken again that I have not heard in a very long time. It is a balm to my aching heart to listen to their names spoken with reverence and respect. Finally, an older man comes, leaning on his cane. “I know you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. I would bare my neck to you no matter how feral you are. I know you from Sheal Shaeras.”
I suck in a sharp breath, and he nods. “You were our avenging angel that night. Those things always came swarming out of the darkness, didn’t they?”
I nod mutely. “At Sheal Shaeras, they came right over the top of the city wall during the Festival of Music. Everyone was out in the streets, dancing and drinking. I think that made it easier for them to target us. Those unspeakable things were feasting on us even as we fled from them. From out of nowhere, you and your friends arrived, blazing like the light of dawn. You battled them back until they fled, and the sun rose.”
My voice breaks when I speak, head down. “We didn’t make it to the nursery in time.”
The older man slaps his hand on the table to get my attention, and my head snaps up. “None of us even tried, and they were our children. We never blamed you for that. That was all the king’s doing. Never ours, and never your fault, do you hear me, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?? Speaking of the king’s doing…”
The older man growls for a moment before he regains control. “I heard, we all heard, what happened at court today. He had the gall to sanction you for dueling those fucking Lawless cretins who were feeding us to those vile horrors. The war is over because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. You cut off their food supply so they couldn’t keep swelling their numbers. That’s why we have a border again. This city and those snooty twats who look down their nose at you never saw those things here, in this city, because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. You made sure that they never got this far. The mass conscriptions are over because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. With the war over, we don’t have to throw all our young ones into that meat grinder anymore. How many are left from your year?”
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I swallow hard, choking on my tears. “Eleven, but three took off to the forest so that it might be fewer now. They couldn’t stand it in town any longer.” “How many were in your year at the start?” “Four hundred and eighteen.”
I’m sobbing quietly now. So many of my friends are gone now. “The toll on all of you was tremendous. We didn’t even get back one in twenty of the children we sent. And you wonder why I call it a meat grinder. That’s ended because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?.”
I feel Kenric’s hand tighten on my shoulder, a squeeze of sympathy. “We’ll finally have a generation that doesn’t know what those horrors look like. We’ll have to show them pictures in books. That’s because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?. You went after those Lawless sons of banshees with the only thing you could, your sword. The king should be giving you a fucking medal, not a punishment. Three hundred and eighty-six of them met their end on your blade, the famous Lantecari. Your former comrades are mopping up the rest of them. No one wants this business to get started back up again. It means an end to the rape pens and other horrors that those Lawless scum inflicted on their captives. That’s because of you, Yávi? Mairi? Andún?.”
I am crying now, all the grief and anger are boiling up and spilling out. “You, dear girl, have nothing to be ashamed of. They should be ashamed for not honoring you for your sacrifice. You have nothing to be afraid of. You’ve faced more horrific things than anyone I can think of. You even taught the nightmares to fear you.”
I’m bent over, sobbing, in grief and gratitude, tears streaming, and probably looking a right mess. What a lovely first impression. “For those who didn’t survive Sheal Shaeras.”
He pours out a little on the ground. Everyone follows suit. “For those who did, Nai cuitalm? anda vanwa cothlma.”
I feel arms scoop me up, and my nose is flooded with the smell of the Old Forest – it’s the smell of safety. It’s the smell of some of my best memories.
I push my face into that scent, and I hear the bartender tell Kenric, “Bring her back here any time. She’s always welcome here.”
I hear Kenric say to the driver to wander around for a bit because he can’t take me home in tears.
It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve cried, and something inside me that’s been twisted up unwinds just a bit more. When I stop sobbing long enough to take stock of things, I’m in his lap and he’s got an arm around me. It feels like the safest place in the world. I could stay here for ages.
He smiles at me, “Better now?” “For the first time in a long time, yes.” “I think I want to punch your king in the nose.”
I laugh. “He has that effect on people.”
He chuckles and then frowns, “They stripped your title for dueling, but you were dueling to stop the ones who were rounding up your own people and selling them to these things as food. Food, if I understand this correctly, allowed them to multiply and kept the war going.”
I nod. “You got the gist of it.”
He nods. “Now I see why the survivors of these atrocities are so angry about the king stripping your title. It makes it seem like what they were doing was permissible.”
I agree with him. “It does. If you cross-check those stories with my list of duels, you’ll find that they match. It’s not like I was hunting down and dueling just any of the Lawless. I only wanted the ones that were involved in that particular incident. I even had some of the Lawless helping me find them. It was a bit too extreme, even for them.” “Let’s get you cleaned up. I don’t want your parents to think I took you out and abused you.”
I snuggle into his chest and get a purr of contentment from him and a strong whiff of arousal.
A quick flick of my wrist and my magic puts us both back to rights, again. His eyes widen in surprise, but he smiles at me again. “Can we stay like this for a little while?”
I can sense this pleases him. “Of course.”
I wonder what I smell like to him. “Can you tell me what I smell like to you?”
He leans in and inhales deeply. “Mmmm… Aspen, wild rose, pinegrass with a hint of strawberries. You taste like that when I kiss you, too.”
He locks eyes with me again. “It’s delicious, in case you were wondering.”
A flush of arousal runs through me. His nostrils flare as he scents me again. “Your scent just changed a bit. Why?”
I blush and squirm a little as he laughs, understanding what it means now. “You have much the same effect on me. What do I smell like to you?” “You smell like the Old Forest—sweet grass, moss, sunshine, and oak leaves with a hint of something musky and spicy. You smell like safety, like home.”
Another satisfied rumble. “I’ll take that. Let me see if I understand some of the rest. Many of you are stuck in this state because you haven’t changed back, not even once, in centuries. You didn’t change back because you needed these abilities to survive against the things you were fighting. Walking around like this triggers a fear response in most people.”
I try to explain. “It’s generally only done, among Fey, when you’re about to attack someone. There’s a good reason for that fear response. Part of the problem is that their fear response triggers us. During the war, if someone nearby was afraid, it was usually a good idea for everyone else to be extra vigilant, as it meant someone had sensed something that was probably about to attack. Their fear is part of what helps keep us stuck like this.”
His eyes go unfocused for a moment, and his hand drifts under my hem.
More slow circles on my ankle. Gods above! That feels lovely. “It seems like someone should take all of you away from everything and let you all unwind a bit.”
I nod, agreeing with him. “That’s why some of my friends went into the forest. I’m worried that they’ll become even more feral since this is how we hunt for food. They may never change back.”
He shakes his head, still not understanding. “Why did they send you all back to cities where they knew everyone would fear you?”
I shrug. “I think they were hoping that familiar places and people would get us to change back. Being at home and surrounded by our family would help us get unstuck. Instead, it’s been quite the opposite. It’s been painful. I can’t tell you how awful it is that my mother reeks of fear if I get too close.”
I can see him thinking, turning something over in his mind. “I don’t care what anyone else says. You are gorgeous, just as you are.”
For the first time in a long time, I desperately want to be able to shift back.
I want him to see me as I once was. If he thinks I’m beautiful like this… The carriage pulls up in front of my parents’ house. It’s almost dark, and his hand rests on my back as we walk toward the door. “I’ll need to talk with your parents for a bit. I want to come see you tomorrow after we finish negotiating, if you’re okay with that.”
I hum softly, feeling pleased. “If I had my way, you wouldn’t be leaving.”
The rush of his arousal is sudden and intoxicating. His chuckle rumbles out in response. “Tomorrow then. We can go anywhere you’d like.”
My father opens the door and sniffs, giving the human a knowing look. “It seems she found you acceptable. I suppose we should finish our earlier discussion.”
He heads into the study with my father. The deep rumble of his voice is calming. My mother leads me into the kitchen and sets down a plate of food before sitting across from me. This is as close as she can get without triggering her fear response, which is painful for both of us.
Imagine: A place that smells of smoke and herbs instead of Oskar’s ego
- People who actually appreciate what Yávi? did
- Gratitude spoken aloud
- A community capable of recognizing worth
- A moment of safety
- A moment of belonging
- A moment where someone actually listens
Would you accept Kenric's offer?