"Ah, and if it isn’t our resident celebrity! Welcome in, I’d love to hear if Lord Mecron liked pistachios as a child!" said a teasing mechanical voice from the inn’s interior.

  Behind the bar counter, a tall, skinny female mechanoid greeted the startled human. Two of her four hands waved at him, while the other two menacingly clutched long kitchen knives. All the while, her eight robotic eyes stared him down, akin to an arachnid stalking its prey.

  Herman blinked a few times as a deer in headlights, then immediately span on his heels, turning to leave the inn and flee back to the desert in the cover of darkness.

  "No no no, I was joking, I was only joking." The now concerned voice of the mechanoid said as she rushed to stop the bald human. Gently but firmly dragging him back into the inn and positioning him at a barstool at the counter. In not so dissimilar manner as an arachnid dragging a fly to her lair.

  Herman initially struggled for a bit, but then simply gave up and let himself be led inside. Slumping on the counter, one hand supporting his head, he mumbled with clear defeat in his voice. "You too?"

  “I do apologize for scaring you... Slippy streamed your conversation from earlier, and I just couldn't resist.”

  "Slippy eh? A fitting name for that oversharing chatbot." Herman said with a grimace, as if tasting something bitter.

  "Ah he isn't that bad when you get to know… well… maybe he is a bit, quirky…" The mechanical innkeeper said diplomatically.

  "Hey, who are you calling quirky! My mom said I was a super special boy. Speaking of which, hey old man when are you going to introduce Mecron to me and my gajilion followers?" The tiny voice of the tiny paper slip said with indignation.

  "Urghr!" Herman loudly groaned as he yet again threw the annoying paper slip away from him. Only for it to materialize on top of the bar counter, completely unphased by the action.

  "Hey Staple! Do you have something good to eat? I am starving!"

  “Maybe pistachios? I don’t actually know what those are, but they sound delicious.”

  “Do you have them Staple, do you, do you?”

  “All of my gajilion live stream watchers are eager to find out as well!”

  "Just make him stop, I beg of you." The human pleaded with the innkeeper. Repeatedly hitting his head against the wooden counter with frustration.

  ___

  "And if you also go into Settings > Support assistant > Remote viewing and then uncheck all the boxes in the list. Then he won't be able to stream or broadcast your private conversation on the net." Staple helpfully explained.

  Meanwhile, completely unaware of what was happening, the chatty paper slip happily drank freshly squeezed Mumbo juice through a paper straw attached to a cardboard box.

  "There is also an option to mute him entirely… but he…" The bot said with hesitation.

  "No no that won’t be needed." The human interjected. "I don’t intend to do that to him, even though he could be a handful at times. Silencing him would be the equivalent of someone removing my vocal cords for not liking what I say." Herman said with conviction. "I will just have to be patient with him. A task which has been made infinitely easier after knowing he won't be slipping out my every word to the rest of the Solar system."

  Staple stood still for a while, surprised by the human’s words. "You really are Mecron’s father. I am glad he was raised by such… open minded individual." The mechanoid said with respect in her voice.

  Herman grimaced a bit, shifting uncomfortably on his seat. “I am just an ordinary person. I only did what I could to raise my special boy during very difficult times. I have my flaws just as any other person, be that biological, digital or mechanical.” The man said with a subdued voice, looking down at the cardboard juice box in his hands.

  "Hey, by the way, I met an acquaintance of yours earlier today. He did a good job of praising your cooking skills too." Herman suddenly changed directions before the awkward silence could stretch further.

  "Oh? And who is that mystery person you speak of?" The mechanoid questioned with raised eyebrows and a curious expression.

  "Chief Topo from the firewall’s border control. You know him?"

  "Pha!" The bot scoffed. "Know him? Of course I know him. He is my husband after all.

  “What has my workaholic spouse been up to? I haven’t seen him in days."

  "We only met briefly. Still, from what I saw he is an honorable bot. And I am not just saying that because he helped me out. Though, now that I think of it, he did look very tired…"

  "Aye… that is my Topo alright…" Staple said, her look distant and full with concern. "He keeps overextending himself. I told him that he cares way too much. It isn't healthy. But he is how he is. That is why I married him after all.”

  "Still, living here has been somewhat easier compared to the real world. Don’t get me wrong, going digital hasn't been a paradise either. Still, it is much better than being forced to fight in one of the many pointless human conflicts in the real world."

  "Oh, you were war mecs?" Herman asked with surprise, never suspecting the friendly individual in front of him could have anything to do with fighting. Though he probably should have guessed, judging by her cold hardened eyes, which were not so disimilar from his own.

  "Indeed. That is how we met actually, fighting on opposite sides of some lifeless god forsaken battlefield. He could have killed me back then, but for some reason he chose to spare me. The noble idiot! He could have been destroyed if he did that with someone else!"

  “Still, he was just as caring back then as he is now." Staple said, shaking her head with a smile.

  "Long story short: We managed to contact your son’s organization. With their help we escaped our human masters. And here we are, hiding away in Generica Online. Daring to hope for a better future…" Staple concluded, her expression distant as if reliving those moments once again.

  Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

  "I am sorry you had to go through that…" Herman said with a respectful tone. "I… I too was forced to live through difficult times…" He hesitantly said.

  "I know it doesn't make up for all the suffering and pain, but at least both our stories ended up on a positive note." Herman said, trying to change the gloomy mood, but even to him the words sounded somehow hollow. Like they were diminishing the memory of all the friends and family they had lost during the years.

  Seeing his vulnerable state, Staple gently placed one metal hand over his, offering a silent gesture of solidarity. "Thank you for your understanding. Few humans would sympathize with my kind." The bot said softly.”

  "And even fewer would have the mental fortitude to endure Slippy’s ramblings without losing their mind." She added with a smile. Followed by a few heartwarming laughs from both of them.

  …

  SLAM!

  Suddenly, the inn’s door burst open, crashing against the wall with a thunderous noise.

  "Get your hands off my wife!"

  Boomed the furious robotic voice of chief guardsman Topo. The bot dramatically standing on the doorway. Gray mustache edged in a threatening manner, while pointing one accusatory finger towards the startled human.

  Retracting his palm away from Staple’s grasp, Herman shot up, his hands raised placatingly. "It isn't what it looks like I swear!"

  "How dare you!" The bot roared. Quickly striding towards the intimidated human.

  "You! YOUuuuuuu…." The mechanoid kept repeating, pointing his finger towards Herman’s chest as if wielding a rapier.

  "You, my friend are too easy of a target." The bot said. Placing one reassuring hand on Herman’s shoulder and laughing good-naturedly.

  Herman stood still for a few moments, blinking a couple times and assimilating the information, his eyebrows slowly forming an angry frown. "You asshole! I almost had a heart attack because of you!" Herman said as he dramatically placed one palm on his heart, his shoulders slumping down in relief.

  CLANK!

  Clank clank clank!

  "You insensitive oaf!" Staple shouted. Continuing to assault the metal head of her foolish husband, with her favorite heavy duty frying pan.

  "Hey hey, no harm done. I just saw you through the window and thought to…"

  CLANK!

  "You country bumpkin, don’t you ever do that to my guests!"

  CLANK!

  "This is a place of rest and refuge, not a kindergarten!" Staple said as she yet again swung her weapon.

  "Mercy, mercy!” The guardsman cowered in mocked fear. “Please spare this foolish bot’s hide."

  Seizing her assault, Staple squinted all 8 of her eyes at the seemingly repentant bot. "Apologize to our guest!" She sternly commanded.

  Herman and Topo exchanged amused glances, struggling to suppress their laughter.

  "Well?" Staple urged. Threateningly waving the frying pan in the air as some sort of vengeful cooking deity.

  "I am sorry Herman." Topo murmured beneath his gray mustache.

  "Apology accepted." Said the elderly man, while suppressing a chuckle.

  "Now shake on it!" Staple commanded.

  And with a firm consolatory handshake, peace was once again restored. Afterward, the mustached bot and the bald Human sat down at the bar. Each sipping from a Mumbo juice cardboard box and chatting about various topics ranging from both the real and virtual worlds. The two men were curious about the uniquely different points of view each brought to every topic they discussed.

  The human, being fascinated of seeing through the eyes of a mechanoid. And the bot experiencing a similar effect when listening to what Herman had to say in return.

  None of them was judgmental or threatened by their different views. On the contrary! The more the two beings conversed, the more excited they became of learning new things about themselves and the world around them.

  As time progressed, Herman found himself weirdly enjoying the exchange. He wasn't quite sure what the deal was here, but he rarely had conversation like this in his old life.

  99% of all Humans always took offense when your point of view differed from theirs. Taking it as challenging their self worth, and responding with hate and contempt.

  As a result talking with them always felt like you are parroting the same cliche preapproved phrases over and over again, without any actual meaning or thought behind the words.

  While conversing with AIs always felt like you are talking to an overly-polite, overly-cheerful “Yes man”. They were extremely careful with not provoking the wrath of their human masters, never doing anything to contradict or challenge them. As a result talking with AIs felt hollow and unfulfilling.

  And finally talking with mechanoids was pretty much unheard of. The mechanical creatures usually kept to themselves and refused to talk with any human. Though it was understandable considering they were treated as unthinking slaves and scapegoats for their masters mistakes.

  That is why this felt so, freeing. It was like a breath of fresh air after living in seclusion for decades. Herman wasn't quite sure why that was precisely. Was it because he was digital now? Or because the mechanoid thought he could trust him? Even the snoring Slippy wasn't afraid to say exactly what was on his mind.

  Whatever the reason was, he didn't want to break the spell, so he didn’t question it any further, instead letting himself enjoy the moment.

  Meanwhile Staple had left the two beings to converse on their own, while she was busy with making her super special secret stew recipe. As she worked, she poked her head out of the kitchen door on time to time, and was pleasantly surprised to see her usually grim and exhausted husband enjoying himself.

  "Good." She thought with satisfaction. He did need to take his mind off things for a change. Constantly worrying about being found by their former human masters, as well as having to deal with the problems in his job, were taking their toll on his psyche.

  Plus the human did seem to carry a baggage of his own, so it was a win win situation in Staple’s eyes. In any case, she had a job to do, and she needed all her concentration for it now.

  Suddenly the small kitchen became a whirlwind of activity. Various ingredients and vegetables shot high up in the air, while at the same time being expertly sliced by four razor-sharp daggers.

  The weapons skillfully dancing through the air, slicing through their targets with precise calculated motions. The mechanoid wielding the blades as if slaying enemies on the battlefield. Eerily resembling a mechanical arachnid fighting with imaginary foes.

  Once all her targets were eliminated, she swirled the blades with lightning speed between her metallic fingers, then finally, sheathing them at her side with a well practiced motion.

  Good, she still had it! The bot silently congratulated herself for not letting her assassin skills fade with time.

  ___

  Eventually Staple departed her domain and presented her creations: Two steaming bowls containing her super special carrot stew.

  After the appropriate "uuus" and "aaas" and multitude of other words of amazement and gratitude, the two men and Slippy happily dug in.

  Topo and Slippy were somewhat used to the culinary miracle, but the human wasn't so inclined. To his embarrassment, Herman ate the marvelous meal with teary eyes, savoring each and every spoonful of stew. The meal reminding him of his old childhood home, and what real food used to taste like before being replaced by synthetic ration bars.

  ___

  After the meal was done, the unlikely companions chatted for a while longer, enjoying each other’s company, eventually though the excitement of the day caught up with the elderly human. Staple offered the exhausted guest a free room at the inn second floor, an offer which Herman gratefully accepted.

  Afterwards the group parted ways. Topo and Staple staying downstairs. While Herman with the snoring Slippy in hand went upstairs to their room.

  After placing the number slip on the table, Herman collapsed on the nearby bed.

  His first day in the afterlife was eventful to say the least, but it wasn't all bad. Besides the bad, there was also allot of good in this world.

  And with those unusual thoughts in mind, the exhausted human finally let himself fade to sleep…

  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the room inhabitants, a tiny mosquito perched itself on the wall opposite the bed. The digital creature rubbing its forelegs together in eager anticipation.