Chapter 10

  “Ok, I’m starting to think that Grogum may have injected me with some kind of functioning psychedelic, because I am almost positive that I am looking at a little frog man holding a spear…we all seein’ this shit?” Andro was roughly rubbing the side of his cheek as he tried to take in the current situation.

  “Yeppers.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Bugga.”

  “Oh good. I just wanted to make certain that I wasn’t hallucinating this before I decided to walk back up the stairs and take my chances walking through the middle of Raggenwold. Welp, peace out!” Andro began to walk back in the direction of the staircase and quickly realized he could not see where he was going in the darkness.

  “Yo, Chance! How about sending some of those light bugs my way?”

  Charlie did not acknowledge Andro’s antics as she was too busy studying the creature from where she stood. It was in fact a walking, talking frog man that held a basic, makeshift spear. It wore loose, ragged clothing underneath a simple chest armor piece that was fashioned from some type of carapace or shelling. He had a strap around his shoulder that was attached to a very small pack made of strange, large leaves that folded together with no buckle to show. He held a spear that was simple and the pointed end of it was tied on and not made by any real blacksmith. Despite the adornments and weaponry on this creature’s person, its smile suggested that it meant no hostility towards any of the party members.

  “I’m sorry for startling you. We don’t get many visitors down here. Well, not many social ones that is.” The creature began to walk towards Charlie now, tucking the spear into his arm and extending his green, damp hand out for a handshake.

  Charlie hesitated for a moment before engaging in the handshake. His hand felt exactly like what she imagined it would—clammy and somewhat slimy. The bulbous fingertips squishing into her hand as he shook hers made her feel extra uncomfortable, and a small grimace escaped from her freckled face.

  “Charlie. It's’ a…uh…pleasure?” She pulled her hand back finally and gave a less than subtle wipe on the leg of her pants.

  The little green toad man smiled and adjusted his spear into his hands, leaning on it with his cheek pressed against his hands. He stared dreamily at Charlie—not in a way that would suggest he was smitten with her, but instead showed a sort of relief that there was another social creature in this dark, damp environment he called home.

  Noah snapped out of his trance, realizing that Charlie’s cheeks were now beet red and her eyes were searching frantically for the nearest escape. Charlie was used to being stared at by male figures (not that she ever appreciated it), but never by one that resembled a frog or toad. He turned around, leaning lazily against his spear and used the butt end of it to turn him towards the others.

  Andro was turned away from the creature. He was doing his best to feel around for a rocky wall scape to help him find his way in the dark, but his hands found nothing but air. So-Nobu stood at attention and gave a slight bow, not once breaking eye contact with the creature. Grogum held the jug he drank from close to his eyes and inspected it, turned back to the little frog creature and then shook his head at himself while putting the jug away on his belt.

  Noah focused his attention on So-Nobu after glancing at each other members quietly. “Say!” he proclaimed excitedly, “You’re green like me! Are we related?”

  So-Nobu shook his head almost bemused, but maintained his stoic composure. “I am afraid not, little one. Noah, was it?”

  “Charlie! Lights!” Andro was still fumbling around in the dark looking for the way back up.

  Charlie ignored Andro and spoke to Noah instead.

  “Have you been down here long? You seem very young. Are you here all by yourself?”

  Charlie tasted her tongue disapprovingly as the words slipped off it. She did not mean to come off as creepy towards this seemingly young creature, (she was genuinely concerned after all) but she couldn’t help a flash of memory recalling when Andro had once exclaimed something similar about needing a little boy in the market district of Amhull. Noah did not seem to mind, nor did he seem to hear her as his focus was now intently on the bugbear that towered before him.

  “Wow…you are a very large beast. Is this your beast, green one?” Noah turned to So-Nobu with candid curiosity. So-Nobu gave a slight flinch back as he was not expecting such an ignorant question. He fumbled around looking for the right words as Grogum huffed and began to stomp frustratedly towards Noah.

  “Bug bugga. Bg-guguh bug bugga bg—” Grogum gave something of a lecture to the frog man who clearly did not understand a word, but instead began laughing.

  “Hahahaa! Wot is it even saying? How do you understand it? Hahahahahaa!”

  Grogum looked deeply offended as he stopped in his tracks. He looked to So-Nobu who was also giving a strong look of disapproval to the laughing frog creature.

  “Noah! That is very inappropriate to laugh at someone for their speech. He talks like this because…well…because…uhhh…” So-Nobu came to the realization that nobody really knew why the bugbear spoke this way. This wasn’t the first bugbear they had encountered, and of the ones they did encounter they all spoke perfectly fine common language. Although many bugbears could speak goblin (often those associated with goblin camps and roving bands of bandits, most of whom were troublesome to say the least), the bugbears that would dwell in the marketplaces or taverns all had perfect speech.

  Yet, for some odd reason, Grogum could only speak in a strange cadence of “Bugg’s” and “Bugga’s”. It came off as clear and precise as any other speech would—the tempo and emphasis of the words matched that of common speech. What was more concerning to So-Nobu, however, was that nobody in the party even bothered to question it or ask for details. They were able to communicate with Grogum through a sense of context and the occasional game of charades, but none of them bothered to investigate any further.

  Perhaps it was the shock of the situation that led them to simply accept that this particular bugbear, a bugbear responsible for saving their lives, could not speak common. So-Nobu looked at Grogum who looked back at So-Nobu quizzically.

  “Why do you speak this way, Grogum? Have you always spoken in this…language?” So-Nobu was unsure that the term “language” was most appropriate, but he went with it anyway.

  Grogum shook his head frustrated and huffed.

  “So, you could speak common before?” Charlie added.

  “Bugga.” Grogum nodded his head.

  Noah continued to snicker each time the bugbear spoke, though at least now he was trying to control it.

  “So then, and I mean this in the most polite way possible here,” Andro had wandered back over to the group as his request for lights was never fulfilled. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  Grogum whirled around to face Andro and gave him a look. Now it was Grogum’s turn to curl his lip up and bare his teeth—teeth that were far larger and more menacing than those of Andro.

  “I think what he means to ask,” Charlie punched the words at Andro as she spoke, “is do you know how or why you lost your ability to speak common?”

  Grogum snorted at Andro before turning back around towards Charlie. His entire demeanor changed into one of sadness and regret. His shoulders slouched and his large lips pouted around his snaggletooth fang. He stared down at the ground and slowly nodded his head.

  “Bugg…”

  So-Nobu patted the creature on his back. He could feel the heavy fur fluff up and down under the bugbear’s thin shirt as he did.

  “Peace, Grogum. We do not wish to burden you with regrets of the past.”

  “But we do really wanna know.” Andro added. Everyone turned and looked at Andro with disapproval then back to Grogum.

  Grogum fixed his posture and took a deep breath. He began to mime out his response, knowing that to speak it would get them no closer to an answer than where they started.

  Grogum spun his two pointer fingers around each other in backwards motion.

  “Spinning?” guessed Noah.

  “In the past.” said So-Nobu.

  “Years ago…” Charlie corrected.

  Grogum touched his nose to confirm. He then pointed to himself and then began raising his fists in the air, pumping them up and down and making a whisper sound that resembled a yell.

  “You were in a fight!” Andro guessed. Grogum shook his head.

  “You liked to party?” Noah guessed next.

  Grogum touched his nose to confirm again.

  “Oh wow! I’m actually pretty good at this.” Noah gave a large, proud smile.

  Grogum then held up his pointer finger to indicate the number one.

  “One? Once? One time!” So-Nobu was really getting into this now.

  Grogum touched his nose.

  Grogum now mimed himself picking something up between his nails and dropping the invisible substance into his mouth. He rubbed his tummy and licked his lips, then immediately changed his face to one of discomfort and concern. He began to shake and tremble and roll his eyes back in his head. His tongue began flopping around outside of his mouth, spraying drool around the vicinity. Finally he froze, his face still contorted and his eyes rolling back in his head. His head then slumped, insinuating that he either passed out or died in an extravagantly over the top acting performance.

  “Oh, I see..” Andro spoke solemnly.

  “See wot? I don’t get it.” Noah looked puzzled.

  “Speaking as someone who has experience in this area, I can tell you that this guy was a party animal back in the day. Probably took a lot of drugs…” Grogum resumed a normal demeanor as he listened to Andro explain further.

  “Yep. He was a mess hall maniac. A tavern terror. A nightclub nightmare. A—” So-Nobu broke Andro’s long winded explanation with a loud and pronounced clearing of his throat.

  “My bad. He liked to party and do drugs. How am I doing so far, my bugbear friend?”

  Grogum touched his nose ashamedly.

  “So, one time he takes something excellent. A little too excellent, even for this pillar of party habits. And, if my insight here is correct…” Andro looked to Grogum for approval to finish his explanation. Grogum gave a quick nod and then stared at the ground.

  “Well…he died. Or had a stroke or seizure or something of that nature. Is that about right?”

  Grogum touched his nose three times.

  “Damn. All three? That sucks man…anyway. My guess is that when he came back from that place in your mind that you go to as you die, he never fully came back out.”

  Grogum pressed his finger against his nose and kept it there. He pushed in on it a bit before sliding his finger off the side of it, completely distraught at having to live through this trauma again.

  “So, you lost your ability to speak words…that part of your brain just…doesn’t work anymore? Grogum, I’m so sorry…” Charlie’s words were soft and sympathetic. She felt bad for the bugbear.

  “I still don’t get it? Wot’s wrong with his brain?” Noah spoke up with ignorant curiosity once again.

  Grogum snarled at Noah.

  “Noah,” So-Nobu began, trying to prevent Grogum from becoming any more ill-tempered, “sometimes when people, like Grogum here, suffer a serious injury or…death…this can cause a part of the brain to shut down and not start back up again.”

  Noah looked on at So-Nobu even more puzzled. Andro piped up in his attempt to explain.

  “When Grogum die, brain die too. When Grogum wake up, brain wake up. Except when Grogum woke up, the part of the brain that affects his speech did not wake up…”

  Noah was still confused.

  “Because that part died…” Andro added.

  Noah pondered this for a moment.

  “So he’s…” Noah pondered a moment further. “Brain dead.”

  “What? No. That’s not—” Charlie tried to explain but the little frog man continued to speak, only now he wore a smile—a smile that said I understand it now and I am proud of myself for this.

  “So he is what you call a bugbear. And he can’t talk because his brain…died? His brain died because he died. So that makes him…” Grogum was clenching his fists as the words poured out of the ignorant frog man’s mouth.

  “…a brain-dead bugbear!” Noah exclaimed this with a smile as he reveled in his ah-hah! moment.

  Grogum began to beat his chest and gave out a loud roar. Andro and So-Nobu reacted quickly to this and pulled the bugbear’s arms back with both of their hands—they struggled to hold him back from Noah who was now attempting to cower behind his makeshift spear.

  “Wot?? Wot did I say? He’s just a brain-dead bugbear. That’s all I wos saying!”

  Grogum let out another fierce roar. The tail-end of his roar was echoed by another roar, only one that was more gruff and less beastly.

  “Raaaahhh!!!” From out of the shadows leapt another frog man, this one was slightly taller than Noah and far broader as well. It had much heartier armor around its shoulders and chest as it wielded a halberd of some kind. The head of the halberd was not made of metal, however, but instead of what appeared to be a crab claw. The claw was shaped in a way that it pointed straight out, and the tips of the claw looked very sharp.

  The larger frog man leapt up high and came down next to the cowering Noah as he swished his weapon around at the party, but not in an attempt to strike anyone.

  “Back up! I said back up!! Noah, you bloody idiot. Are you alright?” The frog creature spoke to Noah as he kept his weapon pointed at Grogum, So-Nobu and Andro.

  “I am, Darius. I think he’s just a little upset is all…”

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  “Grrr…dammit brother! I bloody told you to stay put!” Darius’ voice was gruff and sounded almost militant.

  Grogum’s anger began to dissipate as he quickly realized his outburst had been seen as a threat. He began to put his hands up in an attempt to offer surrender.

  “Yaaaahh!” Darius lunged at Grogum, extending his long froggy legs without taking a step. The crab claw halberd swung up quickly at one of Grogum’s palms.

  *FTANG!*

  One of So-Nobu’s swords struck between the crab claw’s pincers and stopped the halberd just before it made contact with Grogum’s hand. Grogum pulled his hand back and massaged it as if he had been nicked by it, though he hadn’t really.

  So-Nobu’s sword and Darius’ halberd sat idly in mid-strike, neither one wavering as So-Nobu spoke.

  “Darius. I would suggest you take a moment to reevaluate this situation. We mean no harm to—”

  So-Nobu was interrupted as Darius quickly twirled the crab claw halberd. The claw caught the sword just right and the sword was quickly torn from So-Nobu’s hand. So-Nobu was shocked and now very much disarmed as he took a few cautious steps back. Darius spun his halberd back around into a defensive position and pointed it at So-Nobu.

  “Alright now, you all better bloody listen here,” Darius spoke with militant conviction, “I am taking my brother, Noah, back to our camp. If you wish to follow us, don’t. Go back where you came from. There is nothing down here for you. We gots enough problems of our own…”

  “But Darius—” Noah attempted to speak up, but it sounded weak and hesitant.

  “Silence, Noah. You have put too many of our grung brethren in their bloody graves with your naivety and childish bloody antics.” Darius brought his full attention back to the party in front of him.

  “Now, as I was bloody saying. You all should leave now before it realizes you’re here. This is the last I wish to see of any of you. We bloody clear on that?”

  “It?” Charlie spoke up.

  “The monster…” Noah said sheepishly.

  “Oh, bollocks…will you bloody shut up, Noah!” Darius snapped.

  “Alright, listen punk…” Andro began to step forward toward Darius with his lip curled up.

  “No.” Darius twirled the halberd now, facing the claw down at the dirt ground. In the same motion, he swept it up, kicking up dirt and debris towards Andro. Andro’s eyes itched and stung as the dirt made contact with them. He wiped furiously with the knuckles of his fingers over his eyes, shouting obscenities as he did so.

  Darius twirled the halberd back to the defensive position it had been once before.

  “We are leaving now. Noah, let’s go.”

  “Wait!” Charlie protested from behind Darius. “We really didn’t mean any harm. Please, you have to help us get out of here. We can’t go back the way we came because it’s too dangerous.”

  “Not my problem, missy. Noah, let’s go! Now!”

  Noah began to straighten up from hiding behind his spear, a look of disappointment and sadness crept onto his face.

  “I’m sorry…” he said. His tone was weak and pathetic, like a child who has been scolded for dropping his dinner plate.

  “You bloody well should be. This’ll be the last time that I come around to save your—”

  “No!” Noah cut Darius off.

  “Bloody hell, Noah. You’re gonna get us killed. Is that wot you want?” Darius was still holding his spear defensively, but turned his head to address Noah directly. Noah’s expression changed to one of conviction.

  “I’m not leaving. I am staying right here. With my new friends.”

  “Your new wot?! Noah, have you lost your bloody mind?”

  “No, I most certainly have not. That one did, but it wosn’t his fault. His mind didn’t wake up and now he can’t speak anymore.” Noah spoke with confidence and conviction as he pointed to Grogum. Grogum was about to speak up behind a snarl, but So-Nobu put his arm up to stop him.

  “Wot the bloody hell has that got to do with anything?” Darius’ wild confusion raised the tone of his voice to a very high pitch.

  “It means,” Charlie began, “that he knows more than you give him credit for. We meant no harm to him. We still don’t. You on the other hand—you clearly had your mind made up about us before you even approached us. We would never do anything to harm innocent creatures like yourselves. You clearly were too quick to judge—”

  “Grahhhh! I’ll fuckin kill that little toad!” Andro was still trying to clear his eyes of debris, splashing water he made from his hands into his eyes.

  “Ummm…that’s not…he doesn’t actually mean that he would…” Charlie stammered.

  “They mean us no harm Darius!” Noah scurried between Darius’ halberd and the three other party members. He put his spear up against his chest in a defensive stance, pointing the tip upwards.

  “I won’t let you hurt them.” Noah stood firm in his stance as he spoke.

  Darius slowly let down his guard, the halberd finally coming down by his side as he stood upright. His eyes narrowed on Noah.

  “You know what? Fine. Bloody. Fine. I’m not sticking around to watch you get eaten like the rest of our family. Good riddance, you bloody pest.” Darius turned and walked away in the direction he bounded in from.

  “Darius…I wish you wouldn’t—” Noah pleaded, but was cut off by Darius mid sentence.

  “No!” Darius turned slowly back towards Noah. “Don’t you get it? You stupid, bloody mistake of a grung…”

  Darius now snarled from the corner of his mouth.

  “Every one of our family members is dead. Stomped, smashed, crushed, split in half, or bloody eaten alive. And it’s always, always because of your stupidity…”

  “Darius, I-I know I’ve made mistakes, b-but I—”

  “Can it! You bloody fuckin tadpole. Never grew up to become a true grung soldier. We weren’t even meant to be soldiers you know! But you…you just had to go around mucking everything up. Well I won’t let you do it to me, you hear? My bloody life is in my bloody hands! I never want to see you again…”

  With that, Darius turned and leapt off into the darkness. The faint sound of his webbed feet landing on the damp cavern floor faded away.

  Noah slumped to the ground and began to tear up.

  “Stupid…stupid…”

  Charlie bent down to the little grung and put a hand cautiously on his back. It was less slimy and damp than his hand was, but he had been out of water for some time now.

  “You’re not stupid Noah.”

  “No. sniff Not me. sniff That one.” He sniffled and pointed into the darkness where Darius had disappeared. “He’s the stupid one. He always blames me for everything that goes wrong.”

  Andro had finally regained his vision and stood up from his bent over position.

  “Alright where is he?!” He was still blinking furiously as his vision hadn’t fully returned just yet. “Listen, punk—"

  “He’s gone, Andro.” So-Nobu interrupted.

  “Dammit!” Andro kicked at the dirt on the ground and began punching at the air.

  “Noah, if it means anything to you, we really do appreciate how kind and welcoming you were. And we really could use some help. I know that’s a lot to ask right now considering everything that just happened, but if you could help us out here…you’d be like our knight in shining armor.” Charlie continued to speak sympathetically to the sad grung.

  The grung sniffled a couple of times more and then looked at Charlie with curiosity.

  “A knight?” Noah asked.

  Charlie nodded her head and smiled.

  “Wot’s a knight?”

  “Oh. Wait. Like you actually don’t know or…?” Charlie wasn’t sure how to respond to this. The grung’s blank expression answered her question.

  “Ok, well…a knight is obviously someone very valiant. And impressive…”

  “And important.” So-Nobu added.

  “Yea, sure, important I guess…” Charlie continued.

  “Are there lots of knights? Are all of you knights?” Noah asked.

  “I am.” Andro chirped up.

  “No…no he is not a knight…” Charlie shot a scolding glance towards Andro. “Nobody here is a knight.”

  Noah’s expression of hope dashed away into one of sadness again.

  “But,” So-Nobu recovered, “we know a lot about knights. Because we have met them and worked with them before.”

  Noah’s hope returned to his face as he looked towards So-Nobu.

  “Yea,” Andro added, “and since we know all about knights. We could teach you how to become one.”

  “Really?” Noah asked excitedly.

  “Uhh…yeah! I mean, it’s going to take time for you to become a true knight. There’s procedures and levels and trials…you know lots of work to become one. But I mean, we could teach you.” Andro’s voice was clear and confident, but the other two of his original companions knew better—this wasn’t genuine Andro. This was salesman Andro. This was con artist Andro.

  “I would very much like to become a knight! Although…” Noah looked around nervously. “I have never been anywhere but this place. It’s been my home my whole life…”

  “Well, it’s not like your brother wants you around anymore. And I believe I heard mention of the rest of your family being…how should I put this…no longer with us?”

  “Really, Andro?” Charlie hissed at Andro.

  “He’s right,” Noah responded depressed, “he’s all I had left. And now he’s left.”

  “It’s not right that all you had left, has left. Right?” Andro replied.

  Grogum looked upwards as he tried to do the math of this statement quietly in his head.

  “Andro!” Charlie hissed again.

  “He does have a point, Noah.” So-Nobu added.

  Charlie shot So-Nobu a dirty look before looking back at Noah.

  “Noah, if you wanted to come with us, we would gladly accept the help and company.” Charlie looked up at Andro and So-Nobu. They nodded their heads to her, exercising some subtlety as they did. She rolled her eyes.

  “And…if you wanted…” she shook her head a little and spoke with less enthusiasm, “We could potentially teach you to become…sigh…a knight.” Her voice went flat as she spoke the final words.

  Noah’s large frog mouth widened and opened into a giant smile.

  “You mean...I-I could become…” his voice came out in excited breaths. “A knight?”

  “Well yeah, but with proper training…” Andro responded.

  “And commitment…” So-Nobu added.

  “Bugg bugga.” Grogum added.

  “And only if this is what you absolutely want. I know this can’t be an easy decision to make, you know? You just lost your last remaining family member, you’ve never left this place before and—"

  “I’m going to be a knight!” Noah exclaimed as he jumped up to his feet. He puffed out his chest and spoke again. “I am going to be the best knight there ever was.”

  “Ok then.” Charlie said flatly.

  “So…uhh…wot exactly does a knight do?”

  “Knights lead those in need to safety.” So-Nobu said.

  “I see.” Noah thought deeply about this.

  “And we are in need.” Charlie added.

  “Yes. Yes, you are.” Noah was still figuring it out in his head.

  “This would be a great time to do your first knightly trial.” Andro explained.

  Noah’s mouth again widened into a smile.

  “Lead on, frog man.” Andro held out his arm and opened his hand towards the darkness of the cave.

  “Grung, actually. Not frog.” So-Nobu corrected.

  “Grung. Sure. Lead on, grung man.”

  Noah grabbed his spear with both hands tightly. He closed his eyes and took a breath before puffing his chest up again.

  “Follow me, new friends!”

  The party followed behind Noah as he strutted confidently into the darkness. Charlie’s dancing lights followed just over his head. He stopped for a moment as he watched them dance, almost in a trance.

  “Noah! Eyes on the prize buddy.” Andro barked.

  Noah shook his head and regained his focus and he continued to strut into the darkness.

  So-Nobu and Andro shared knowing smiles and some stifled laughter with each other as they followed just behind Noah. Charlie fell back a step to match pace with Grogum who was now sipping from his jar of booze again.

  “Hey, Grogum?”

  “Bugga?”

  “I just wanted to say again that I appreciate what you did for us. And I’m sorry for asking about your speech and all that. It wasn’t right to pry like that and—”

  Grogum held up a large hairy paw and waved it in front of Charlie’s face.

  “Bugga.”

  He smiled and offered her a sip from the jug. She accepted it as they continued to walk through the dark cavern.

  There wasn’t much noise as they walked along aside from their own footsteps, the occasional gentle whistle of wind, and the consistent dripping sounds that echoed throughout the cavern. Noah continued to walk confidently for some time as the others followed. Finally, the dancing lights over Noah’s head illuminated a short stairway just ahead of them. It was fashioned over some crumbled bits of rock wall and led up to a single door. Andro rushed ahead to the stairs to get a closer look.

  “Haha! He did it! The little frog—I mean grung guy actually found the exit. That is what this is right?” Andro turned to Noah as he asked this.

  Noah nodded his head, holding it up higher and dawning a proud smile.

  “My man!” Andro turned and went to walk up the steps. He cautiously tapped one foot on the first step and then pulled it back. Nothing happened. He took extra care with each step as he made his way up the few steps to the door. He turned back to everyone and shrugged before turning back to the door. It was an old wooden door with a rusty metal ring for a handle and a slot for a key just above it. There was a very faint light coming from behind it. He rubbed his fingers with his thumb as he reached out carefully for the handle. He grasped the handle and winced one eye. Nothing happened. He began to pull on the door. It would not budge.

  “Huh. Must be a little stuck…” Andro began to pull a little harder on the door. It still did not budge. “Mother fucker…”

  Andro turned and looked frustratedly at Noah.

  “Hey, buddy? Yea, it’s locked. You wouldn’t happen to have the key now, would ya?”

  Noah patted himself down and then shook his head. Andro’s eye began to twitch as his false smile began to dissipate.

  “So…where’s…the fuckin…key?”

  Noah looked around and thought.

  “Think hard, Noah. Where would the key to the door be?” So-Nobu said.

  “Well…” Noah spoke as he continued to think. “I know the key exists because I’ve seen it once with my second aunt, Griselda.”

  “Uuuh-huuuuh…” So-Nobu stretched the words out to encourage Noah to continue.

  “But then when she died, the key got passed to Bentley, he’s my thirteenth cousin. And then from him it went to Chadwick, then Bernetta, then Daisy—wait no, not Daisy…Dolores! It went to Dolores.”

  “So, we find Dolores and ask her nicely for the key, let’s go.” Andro began jogging down the steps.

  “Well, we can’t do that.” Noah explained.

  “Why is that, Noah?” Charlie asked.

  “Oh, because she’s dead.”

  “She’s…dead.” Charlie blinked rapidly as she stared at Noah.

  “Yep.”

  “So, where is the key now, Noah?” So-Nobu asked impatiently.

  “Well…I think I know, but…”

  “But what, Noah?” Charlie added impatiently as well.

  “Fuckin spit it out man!” Andro was now standing over Noah.

  “Well…if I remember correctly…Dolores had the key. And she was eaten by the monster. Which means…”

  The party all shook their heads and grumbled upon hearing this.

  “It means that this “monster” you are referring to has the key in its belly. Welp, let’s go dissect this monster of yours and get that key so we can get the fuck out of here. Which way is the big, bad monster Noah?” Andro bent over to match Noah’s eye level as he spoke.

  “Oh, my…I’m not sure I should take you there. The monster is very dangerous. It’s always hungry and—”

  “Noah. Noah. Listen to me, very carefully. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. We need to find the key. And if that means we gotta find your damn monster, then we are gonna go find your damn monster.”

  “But I thought you said knights were supposed to lead people to safety?”

  “Well, yes Noah,” So-Nobu added with frustration in his tone, “yes, they are supposed to lead them to safety. But the only way to safety is by finding the key. And the key is with the monster, which means we have no choice but to confront the monster. Do you understand, Noah?”

  Noah looked around nervously and then to Charlie with an almost pleading look. Charlie shook her head sympathetically.

  “They’re right, Noah. We need you to take us to this monster.”

  “Bugga.” Grogum agreed.

  Noah’s look of worry did not fade as he spoke.

  “Alright. But if you all die, it was not my fault…at least not this time.”