Level One
Cooper had no way of knowing afterward how long he slept there in the middle of the hallway, free for any passing bear to eat. All he knew for sure was that when he woke up again, he felt great. His lungs were clear, the swelling in his face was completely gone, and all the pain in his right wrist had disappeared. There was still a stick glued to his hand, and he was even hungrier than he had been upon leaving the Bible Camper base, but he could see out of both eyes again, so things were looking up.
He stood, stretching his legs as he scanned both ends of the hallway. Once again, he found that he was totally lost. He was pretty sure he knew which direction he had come from, which meant he also knew which direction the bear was. And since he wasn’t super interested in running into that fucker again, Cooper decided to just head in the opposite direction and see what happened. Before setting out, Cooper also made what would turn out to be a really smart decision. Just so he wouldn’t get lost again, he took the lump of coal out of his duffel and wrote the word “BEAR” on the wall, along with an arrow pointing back the way he had come. As soon as he finished each letter, it burst into flames, but only for a second, and the scorch mark left behind was totally readable.
The direction Cooper chose took him deeper into a part of the maze he hadn’t yet seen. Mostly it was just a bunch more identical hallways, but eventually Cooper he found himself in a room with a loose dirt floor and a wooden fence splitting rows of little stubby plants. The picture on the tile just outside had at first appeared to be a 1950s rocket ship. It took him a moment to realize that the rocket ship might be a carrot.
As much Cooper hated having a stick glued to his hand, it actually came in handy when it came to scratching away the soil at the roots of the stubby little plants. When he finally got one uncovered, it didn’t turn out to be a carrot at all. Instead it was some ugly, gnarled little purplish thing that was probably a turnip or a parsnip or whatever. One of those plants that no one actually eats except Russian peasants. The very thought of eating raw vegetables had always disgusted Cooper, but as hungry as he was, he was in no position to be picky. As soon as he got the little bastard out of the ground, Cooper bit in. He didn’t even bother dusting it off first. The freak-carrot didn’t taste good, but it wasn’t particularly bad either, so Cooper wolfed it down as fast as he could and began digging up another.
He was just biting into freak-carrot number two and working on digging up number three when a voice from the corridor behind him said:
“You didn’t have to rob us.”
Cooper spun around, his left hand inside the duffel bag groping for the .28, which he had just remembered wasn’t there. There was no one in the hallway behind him. It was completely empty. However, perched on a nearby fence post was a familiar-looking bluebird, giving him the same blank stare it had given him before.
“Did you say something?” Cooper asked of the bird, feeling ridiculous, though that feeling went away when the bird replied.
“I said you didn’t have to rob us,” the bird shot back. It took Cooper a moment to realize that the voice he was hearing was that of Bird Girl, speaking her hooba-fooba talk, which Cooper could understand due to the CIA translation ins his head. The bird wasn’t even moving its beak, though it’s not like that made the whole thing any less insane.
“Did you hear me?” the bird said, again in Bird Girl’s voice.
“What was that?” Cooper retorted. “I was distracted by a sudden pain in my feet.”
“I said you didn’t have to rob us. You would have died if not for us.”
“You put me in jail and stole my clothes and flatbread,” Cooper said, returning to his digging.
“That bread was all over the hallway-” the bird began.
“Bullshit!” Cooper snapped, angry all of a sudden. “You knew that was my bread! Also you tortured me and said you were going to kill me.”
“We didn’t mean it.”
“I guess we’ll never know,” Cooper said, pulling another freak-carrot from the ground.
“I’m honestly sorry about the torture.” the bird said.
“What about keeping me in a cage?”
“I apologize for that, too, “ said the bird. “We would like to make peace if you’re amenable. And then perhaps a trade.”
“How’d you find me?” Cooper demanded suddenly.
“I followed the trail.”
“What trail?” Cooper shot back, but before he even finished speaking, he saw it. There was a diamond-shaped red mark on the tile at the edge of the room. Then another on the next tile, and another on the next, and so on, leading out of the room and back the way Cooper came.
“Fuck me,” Cooper said to himself. “How’d that happen?”
“As I was saying,” the bird continued. “If you were willing, we would like to propose a trade.”
“What kind of trade?” Cooper asked, taking another bite of freak-carrot.
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“You left many things behind when you escaped. You also took many things of ours. Perhaps we could exchange.”
“What about the bread?”
“The bread is gone, “ the little bird said seriously. “It’s time to stop talking about the bread.”
“Okay, so it’s not like I’m getting all my stuff back.”
Cooper had never heard a bird sigh before. “You do realize,” the creature explained wearily, “that you actually threw all that bread away yourself? You were walking down the hallway, shouting at the top of your lungs…”
“You’re missing the point,” Cooper said, taking another bite of freak-carrot. “The point is that I’m not being made whole. So why do I have to give you all your stuff back in exchange for just part of mine?”
“Fine,” the bird said. “What do you want?”
Cooper thought for a second. “Let’s start small,” he said finally. “Give me my gun back. Plus a pair of pants.”
“Very well. We will bring you the gun and some pants. In exchange, we ask for the staff.”
“The what?” Cooper asked.
“That thing you’re using to dig up carrots,” the bird said. “Please stop that, by the way.”
Cooper looked down at the snake stick in his hands, which at that moment was buried about six inches deep in the dirt floor.
“What, this?” he said of the snake stick. “Okay. What else do you want?”
“Just that,” the bird said.
“Really? Nothing else?”
“Perhaps later,” the bird said. “First the staff.”
“Okay,” Cooper said reasonably. “So it’s a gun plus some pants for the stick. What if I just wanted the gun?”
“We will happily return your gun in exchange for the staff.”
“What if I just wanted to ask you some questions first?”
“I will happily tell you whatever you’d like to know in exchange for the staff.”
Cooper did his best to control his annoyance. “Is it me or are you guys really hung up on this thing?”
“That staff is extremely important to us,” the bird said. “It is also very dangerous.”
“Dangerous how?”
“I will be happy to explain in detail once you return…”
“...the staff,” Cooper said, echoing the little bird. “Yeah. I get it. Listen, here’s the thing. I have no problem returning the stick to you. I don’t even like this thing. The main issue is I need to get some answers first. Otherwise how will I know if I’m making a fair trade?”
“I cannot answer your questions before we make peace. Righ now you are an enemy of the People”
“What people?” Cooper demanded. “Like who even are you people?”
“We are ‘The People’,” the bird said simply. “That is our name”.
“Okay fine, but what People? The People of where?”
“The People of the City,” came the reply.
“Which city?”
“The City of the Mountain.”
“So your full name is the People of the City of the Mountain? That’s what you actually call yourselves? Fine. I’m just going to call you Blue Team. So here’s the deal, Blue Team. You think I’m your enemy? Well I’m not super-high on you right now either. But the way we build trust is by making small trades and then building up to the stick. Like tell you what: how bought you tell me where the exit to this place is, in exchange, I give you this…”
Cooper unzipped his duffel bag, pulling out the cumberbund.
“No thank you,” said the little bird.
“Are you kidding?” Cooper said. “I’m literally offering you whatever this is in exchange for a single piece of information.”
“Again, no thank you.”
“What if I throw in this ball of yarn?,” Cooper said, pulling the yarn out of the duffel. “I have no idea what it does, but it probably does something.”
“I am not permitted to make any deals that don’t include the staff,” the bird said.
“So is all this shit completely worthless then?” Cooper demanded, rifling through the open duffel bag. “You literally don’t want any of it?”
“We would love to have them back eventually. But the staff must come first. Please be careful with that.”
Cooper looked down. His hand was resting on the black leather pouch, the one full of teeth that looked suspiciously human.
“What, this?” he said, picking up the pouch.
“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you.” said the bird.
”Why? What does it do?”
“Again, I’ll be happy to explain once you give us-”
“Oh, fuck off!” Cooper said. “You know what? I think you’re full of shit. You don’t have any idea what this stuff does, do you?”
“Be careful!” the bird exclaimed as Cooper opened the pouch, pouring the teeth out onto his palm.
“Why?” Cooper demanded. ”What’s going to happen?”
“Just please. Don’t drop thps.”
“Tell me where the exit is,” Cooper said quietly.
“I cannot.”
“Because you don’t know or because you don’t want to?”
“Why don’t you just give us the staff back?” the bird pleaded. “Then I can tell you everything you want to know.”
“Last chance,” Cooper said. The bird didn’t reply immediately, so Cooper did it. He dropped one of the teeth on the ground.
He was just about to say something sarcastic when he was interrupted by the explosion.
* * * * *
Name: Cooper of Vancouver
Gender: Male
Affiliation: None
Age at Entry: 29
Current Level: The Labyrinth (1)
Jing: 10/10
Qi: 14/14
Shen: 0
Status: Cursed (3)
here.
