“Fools, they are such… idiots,” Nicole paced, frustrated and agitated. “Build a fucking wall. Heaven forbid you attempt any sense of diplomacy,” she muttered, collapsing into her chair.

  I whined. I whined because there was nothing else I could contribute. I didn’t quite understand the problem. Perhaps the aliens were not mean, but also it wasn’t crazy to protect ourselves from what we didn’t know. They could be dangerous. Maybe they were just sizing us up.

  Though I was a bit disappointed I hadn't seen them. I had heard they were giants with four arms. It sounded like something I would have seen in a movie.

  “I’m sorry, Elsy,” Nicole sighed. “I am not used to being discarded. Tobias has replaced me as a punishment, I can only assume.”

  I trotted over to lean against her. She patted my side, so I rested my chin on her knee. I was still trying to avoid thinking about… earlier. Just happy that Nicole had not taken my rejection to mean I didn’t want her touching me at all because I really did. I was still kinda stunned she had just moved on. Tobias would have at least thrown a little fit.

  Nicole patted my side again, then she pressed her palm to my side under my rib cage and felt around. I looked up at her in confusion. This wasnt petting. I recognized this. An examination.

  “I’m not sure,” she answered my silent question. “I’ve wanted to give you time to adjust, but… might we do some tests? We know practically nothing about… you in there. Could we start with an ultrasound? You would be able to see what you look like,” she added, dangling the possibility temptingly.

  After a moment of consideration, I nodded. Being poked and prodded wasn’t anything new. Everything I thought I knew about myself had been twisted upsideown. Humans, and to some extent xenocytes, were so well understood. And yet here I was against all odds, against failsafes and impossibilities. I had no idea what or how I was.

  As that guy had said in that ancient dinosaur movie. Life finds a way.

  No one had said anything about how disorienting it would all be for such life. I craved answers, and if Nicole running tests would provide them, then I was all for it.

  Nicole stood, walking over to a big square machine and wheeling it out from the corner where it had been stashed.

  “As I suspect you wrap around the spinal cord, I think it would be best for you to stand, or lie on your front,” Nicole explained, hitting buttons and pulling out some kind of stick attached by a cord.

  I nodded and lay down, or maybe more sat. It was hard to make sense of positions that didn’t have a human equivalent.

  Nicole brought the chair over and then the machine. Twisting something, she slid a screen over from the contraption and angled it so we would both be able to see the image.

  I swallowed, unease building. I didn’t know what to expect. Letting out a faint whine, I pointed at the machine.

  “You don’t have to worry. You likely will not feel a thing,” Nicole replied with a smile.

  I didn’t exactly appreciate the standard doctor tone she used with all of her patients. I gestured, trying a few different things which Nicole didn’t seem to understand until finally I tried a squiggle with a dot at the bottom.

  “How does it work?” Nicole guessed.

  I nodded.

  “Ultrasounds use very fast sound waves, tiny vibrations which bounce off of tissue, bone, etcetera. Then the machine uses that information to construct an image,” Nicole explained.

  While that somewhat answered the question, it generally only gave me more. But it was good enough for the time being. I nodded. I felt like I was doing that a lot these days. Like that bobblehead toy that was on the bridge.

  She pressed the stick thingy to my back, and I shivered at the sensation. I didn’t hurt; it didn’t really feel like anything. Nicole continued to explain things way above my level, though I did learn the stick thing was called a transducer.

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  “Okay,” Nicole said, hitting a few buttons on the machine. It beeped, and the screen flickered with static gray. Nicole twisted a few nobs and finally returned the transducer to my back. The screen filled with white flecks that started to make an image of sorts. Not an image I remotely recognized. “Let's see,” she hummed.

  I took a breath and watched the whole image shudder. Oh, it was like… instant. Weird.

  Nicole slid the transducer along my back slowly. The image shifted, and Nicole adjusted the settings as it zoomed out. I began to see a pattern, long, interconnected, white with flecks of gray. As I breathed, everything shifted, muscles releasing and contracting.

  So very strange.

  Nicole continued down my spine, from my long neck to my upper back. The image was fuzzy, though even if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have understood what was being depicted. Nicole remained quiet, watching the screen intently. When she began to approach the base of my tail, a shadow appeared on the screen.

  It wasn’t so much a thing as an absence of a thing. It lacked any of the occasional gray dusting that made up the rest of the image. It was just an empty space. Or, well, not really an empty space, but it looked like nothing at all.

  “I think that’s you,” Nicole spoke up. “Your body seems to be almost entirely… fluid.” She adjusted the image. I could make out a big blob, and maybe smaller, long blobs. Most of it was in stark contrast, wrapped around the bone, with offshoots reaching out of frame.

  “Species have been shown to evolve in a similar trajectory based on environmental factors,” Nicole continued. “I think it’s very likely your species evolved on a planet incompatible with human life.”

  I took another breath, unsure of how exactly to feel about any of this. It wasn’t a shock that I was an alien. But how was I so human in my mind? It didn’t make sense that what I was physically and what I was capable of brain wise to be so different. But if xenocytes were genetic creations, maybe I was a whole other layer of genetic abomination. A creature designed to grow a human consciousness.

  Maybe there was no natural me. Not human, not alien, just a lab-grown thing. The thought didn’t change anything, but it did feel heavy on my soul.

  I made another question mark and tapped my head. I had no idea how else to signify thought or mind.

  “Thats a very philosophical question,” Nicole laughed. “I don’t know how your human adjacent consciousness is possible, that's not something that has been answered yet amongst humans. Perhaps your species is highly composed of neurological tissue and thus was nudged with a purpose in mind. But it’s impossible to know.”

  This had not proved to be particularly helpful. All I knew now was that I was vaguely blob-shaped, and I already had a sense for that after going without a host for a while. I knew I had six limbs because I could wiggle them. Though the ultrasound wasn’t particularly effective at showing me details. I would have to have Nicole take a photo of me at some point; it was strange not to know what I really looked like.

  Again, I asked why, pointing to the bright reflection of bone on the ultrasound.

  “Why are you wrapped around the spine?” Nicole eventually guessed.

  I nodded.

  “I suspect it is how you are interfacing with the brain. The spinal cord is a sort of… primitive brain in itself. Not only does your position allow you to influence the nervous system, but also absorb signals being sent out,” Nicole theorized. “Of course, that would limit you to controlling vertebrates, which would also indicate that wherever you evolved had vertebrates. But we are making a lot of assumptions there.”

  “Your ability to interface with the nervous system in itself is remarkable,” she went on. “Evolution functions on the principle of ‘good enough.’ If a creature survives, then it can pass down its genetic material. Parasites already flourish within a host, so your ability to puppet them is… seemingly unnecessary.”

  Great, just great. More questions and fewer answers. I watched the screen intently, trying to wiggle a tentacle. I couldn’t get the shadow to move.

  “But if you are a result of genetic tampering, then such specialization would make more sense, yet the fact that you have jumped to a distinct species implies a degree of generalization,” Nicole sighed. “All of this is assuming your kind is and has always been a member of the biological universe. Regardless, whatever is going on, we lack a clear picture.”

  Nicole turned the machine off and removed the transducer. “Would you be willing to test your ability to jump between hosts? Not now obviously, but I think it would help us understand more about you.”

  I climbed to my feet, stumbling slightly as my leg had fallen asleep in the awkward position. After a moment of consideration, I gave her a thumbs-up and thumbs-down.

  I hated the idea of adjusting to a whole new body. It was disorienting, dangerous, and scary. Yet I also desperately needed answers. A fundamental search for place and meaning. Practically, knowledge was vital. Nicole was a perfect example; her knowledge gave her power and purpose. She was inspiring. And hiding in a cave of ignorance felt like failing before I even tried.

  “Just think about it, okay?” Nicole replied, rolling the machine back into place. “Maybe we could even find you a better body.”

  I groaned, shaking out my leg. I had a feeling that possibility would probably win me over eventually.