Chapter 52
My soul hasn’t fucked off to some far-off land yet, but if I sit here doing nothing, it sure as hell will. By my rough math, carving handholds for a makeshift ladder to the top will take over a week. Plus, I cracked two ribs on impact. Gotta wait for them to heal. Meanwhile, I could die of thirst—hardly an epic end for the guy who wiped out demonkind’s baby factory.
- Wilson!!! – I shouted into the monster horde. No answer.
- Wiiiilsoooon!!! – Just menacing growls. Good in a way, but… I need food from somewhere.
- WIIIIILSON!!!
I spotted movement. Demons crowded the chasm’s edge, sometimes shoving unlucky ones into the lava. In a few hours, about thirty took a fiery bath. One bastard pushed through from the back. Some didn’t like that and tried to block him. I caught bits of phrases.
- Fuhk you… Lemme through!
Got it. There he is.
- Yo! Elon! I’m here!
Gotta help him out. I had some mana left, so I zapped the front row of doggos. A couple dozen corpses dropped at the edge. One sprang up on four legs, trying not to get yeeted into the lava by the pack.
- Thoughtsh you were deadhs.
- Really? Who said it’d be fine!?
- Well, it ish fine. I wash rightsh.
- You’ve no idea how bad I wanna kill you.
- Why? I shaved your assh!
- I hope you meant: saved.
- Perhapsh...
- Listen, Wilson. You knew Syria’s death would draw a demon horde, didn’t you?
- Nope.
- Don’t lie!
- Justsh… had a hunch… – Wilson muttered under his breath.
- WHAT!?
- Nothing.
- I heard you!
- You misheardsh.
- You said you had a hunch!
- No, I shaid I hadsh ash shush.
- The fuck does that even mean?!
- Nothing special.
- Be specific!
- Like, when shomeone hadshingsh ash shushns.
- Oh, yeah?… Fine… Arya Stark kills the Night King. Live with that.
- WHAT!?
- Little dagger, right in the gut.
- You liar!
- Ha ha ha. Not even once.
- That’sh not fair! It all ended fine.
- Ended fine where?! Nothing’s fine here!
- Come on. We hadsh fun.
- Did I just hear “fun”?
- Noooo? – Wilson shook his head. My eye twitched. I clenched my teeth so hard they nearly cracked. Without thinking, I blasted Wilson with lightning. He fell into the lava.
- Unfair! – A new Wilson protested.
- You little shit, you did this on purpose?
- What you mean?
Zap.
- Why didn’t you warn me before I dropped the barrier?!
- You didn’t ask.
Zap.
- Knew I couldn’t trust you…
- I shaved your life.
- So you could watch doggos eat me.
- Not exshactly…
- What? You little!...
Zap.
Zap.
- I just…
Zap.
- I wanted to try Syria’s body. Wanted to walk on eightsh legsh.
Zap on cooldown.
- Listen, Wilson, I’m asking you a question that could fuck up your future big time.
- How so?
- Surprise. So: Purely by chance, you didn’t want to try my body, did you?
Wilson hesitated.
- Nope…
Zap.
- No…
Zap.
- Truth!
Zap.
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- Enough!
Mana depleted.
- I never wore it. Nothing fun.
- Fair warning: if you pull me into another mess like this or cause me a nervous breakdown, I’ll eat every corpse in hell!
- You’d burst.
Zap unavailable.
- You get me?!
- Got it, chill.
- Good. Now toss me some food. I’m stuck here a while.
- How?
- Figure it out.
Wilson paused. Not an easy task in a doggo’s body. Finding nothing better, he jumped into the chasm and didn’t return. Why do the job when you can make a grand exit? Fuck him.
Time to check my status. Think I leveled up.
/ Race --- Half-Demon /
/ Level 90 (+1) /
/ Class --- Slave (1% EXP) /
/ Strength --- 50 (+6) Endurance --- 64 (-19) Agility --- 146 (-19) Magic Power --- 128 (-24) Mana --- 182 (+6) /
/ Skills: /
// Sensitivity – 333 (-25) Concentration – 330 (-25) Mana Control – 184 (-25) Thinking – 162 (+-25) Resilience -- 110 (-20) Provocation (Active) -- 60 //
/ Element – Lightning /
/ Titles: Martyr, Demon Slayer, Child Killer /
New skill… Provocation (Active). Active? How’s it work? Description!
Provocation (Active) - Provokes nearby enemies to attack the user. Effectiveness scales with level. Higher levels increase range and affect higher-level enemies. Uses endurance. To activate, mentally select a target and say: “Deus Vult.” Only works on low-intelligence enemies.
What an insanely, fantastically, gloriously stupid skill! So awesome, cows in a kilometer radius double their milk, and kids don’t catch colds. Who’d even use this? Though…
- Deus Vult!
The front-row kitties and doggos lost their shit. A few tried jumping at me but failed. Some got pushed off by those behind. Hard to imagine a situation where this skill’s useful, but I made it work.
No doubt now—this world’s tied to mine. But what’s it mean? Deus Vult. God wills it… Is the system hinting it wants me dead? Fine… No point moping. Didn’t lose anything. This crap probably popped up ‘cause everyone wants to eat me. Saliva’s splashing from here. Calmed down yet?
- Deus Vult! – So much fun. Drains endurance hard, though.
Half a day passed, no Wilson. Maybe someone killed him? Fuck him again. Bones are healing, so I’ll try catching food myself. My rope’s too short to reach the other side, but the new skill’ll help.
- Come on, doggo, big or small. Deus Vult! – One couldn’t handle the rage and leaped to its death. This time, I threw my dagger. The rope wrapped its neck and… congrats on the catch! Bon appétit.
I’m set now. Carved enough space in the rock to lie down. My apartment’s like a Japanese capsule hotel. By the way, didn’t check my stats. Holy shit… Agility jumped twenty points! Magic Power up twelve! Others grew a bit. Agility makes sense. But Magic Power… Maybe from killing monsters with magic while running? Did direct heavy attacks boost it? What if I…
A week later, Guard #1’s lonely corpse trudged through the wasteland toward the obsidian wall jutting from a deep chasm. A mob of kitties and doggos growled pointlessly ahead. By rough count, about two thousand. Wilson wasn’t shocked their numbers dropped fourfold. Nothing odd. They’ll scatter eventually. It’s their nature. Those farther from their target forget why they came. As he got closer, the monsters parted, making way for the fearsome demon. Fear of the stronger is baked into their instincts. Guard #1 marched confidently through the corridor they formed. He worried his friend might’ve starved in his absence. Humans need food, after all. He’d seen Elon eat doggo meat, even as a pizza head. But then a two-meter pile of corpses loomed at the chasm’s edge. As he started climbing, a familiar voice rang out.
- Captain! Enemies closing in! Too many! We need to retreat!
- Hold positions! – The same voice, slightly altered. – Say that again, you’re court-martialed!
- But Captain!
- Shut it, Lieutenant! If we retreat, the second battalion’s screwed. We hold until they regroup!
- They won’t make it! If we stay, we die with them!
- So be it… No step back until they’re clear! Got me?!
- Captain… I get you… My brother’s in the second, like your son…
- Quiet! Shut your stinking mouth and wipe your snot, Lieutenant… You reek of shit… One more word, I’ll shoot you myself! Got me?! Now back to position!
- Yes, sir…
- Sergeant!
- Yes, Captain. – Same voice, changed again.
- Time to pull it out.
- You mean…
- Yes…
- You sure? If you use it, you’ll die!
- Hurry!
- But…
- Sergeant, look at me… You dare question my orders!?
- No…
- Then fetch it, now!
- Yes, sir…
- Captain, enemies in range!
- Perfect… Let holy fire rain on our foes!
- Take cover! Captain’s using it!
- Hide!
- AVE MARIA! DEUS VULT!
A barrage of blinding lightning lit the air with a deafening crack. Doggos dropped into the chasm one by one. Some corpses stayed, piling the barricade higher. New victims rushed in, dying under relentless fire.
- Die, you bastards!
- Captain, enemy tanks at eleven o’clock!
- Got it! Load anti-tank!
- Yes, sir!
The next volley hit harder. Several kitties bit the dust.
- More keep coming! We can’t hold!
- Stand till the end!
- Captain, right flank!
- Got it… Wilson, you fucker! How long you been hiding, idiot? – Caught in the dumbest moment of my life. Gotta kill this asshole fast, or my rep’s toast.
- Just arrived, Captain! – Wilson barely held back laughter. – Our squad got ambushed!
- Want another death therapy? You love that shit, right?
- No, no, no. I’m good.
- Don’t you dare laugh…
- Pfft haha, come on, not the first time.
- Shut up!
- Fine, fine… Not laughing. How’d you know it was me?
- Your smug face is unmistakable. Where you been?
- Saving your ass from more trouble. No thanks needed.
- What?
- Went back to the hill to grab a body with hands. Then Axis showed up.
- Who?
- General… Total prick, by the way. Had to explain what happened. Then wait for the Lord.
- What’d you tell him?
- Blamed it all on Ash.
- Details?
- What?
- Tell me exactly what you told those two.
- Fine… – The demon seemed confused by the distrust. – Ash came to the Prime Mother, killed her, then I killed him. That’s about it…
- That’s it?
- Mostly. Axis asked a bunch of dumb questions, but whatever.
- Like what?
- Don’t remember. Tons. Like: Who’s the tallest in hell? How’d I know? Do I know every demon?
- He ask about the Prime Mother?
- Yeah. Asked if walking on eight legs was comfy. Honestly—not great.
- All his questions that stupid?
- Pretty much. But when the Lord showed up, I had to improvise. Man, you should’ve seen my acting. “O… Great mother of demons… How could this happen?… How dare that bastard raise his cursed hand?… Why couldn’t I save your precious life?…”
- You serious? – Anxiety crept into my heart.
- Nah, kidding. Am I an idiot?
- Can’t fully deny that…
- I was way more dramatic.
Fuck… A crazed fanatic climbed the tallest tower in my heart, ringing a bell and screaming we’re all screwed. I gripped my daggers and glanced around, but saw nothing new.
- Then what? – I asked, wary.
- Ohhh… More demons showed up from nearby. Big crowd. Held a whole ceremony.
- Ceremony?
- Ate Syria… Yeah, “ceremony” is generous.
- Then?
- Everyone left. I came here.
- That’s it?
- Yup.
- The Lord?
- What about him?
- He pissed?
- Not really. Even seemed happy. Got some fancy title after.
- What title?
- Fuck if I know, he didn’t say.
- TITLE OF THE FIRST DEMON. – A strange voice with a hint of flamboyance echoed from above. – Ziddy, darling, what’re you hiding? Got a toy? I wanna play too.
Knew it… I just asked him to get me food… A herd of goosebumps stampeded across my skin. I peeked half an eye from my pocket and looked up. A creep hovered dozens of meters up, smug demon face and all. Toy?… Play?… No! Faggot-demon! He’s real! Real!… Not a dream? Not this! He’s the one who tried to rape me in my sleep! Back then, he was a zombie. Wait… Was that dream prophetic? If I kill him and Wilson takes his body…
- Aaaaxis… – Wilson got nervous. – What brings you?
- Who you hiding? Can I see? – No! I shook my head hard, signaling Wilson I’m not okay with that.
- It’s a secret.
- Someone interesting’s there. I saw liiiightniiiing. – He sang the last part. Holy shit… A singing demon! [Too many real-life candidates for this title, so I’ll leave it open for suggestions.]
- Yo, Axis, you stalking me? – Wilson asked nervously.
- Of course, my little corpse. You put on such a stunning show, I got curious about your supplier.
- Haha… Thanks. – Guard #1 shot me a smug grin, like: See? “Stunning!”
- Nah, just passing by. So, can I look?
- No need…
- You don’t get it. I’m saying: I’ll look!
Shit… If he sees me, the hostility debuff’ll start another bloodbath. What, we on a villain-of-the-week format now? Gotta prepare. Can’t give him time to think. This guy flies. I need to hit him the second he drops lower. I got into a low stance, dagger ready. Come on… I’m ready for anything!
Suddenly, the huge obsidian chunk I was hiding under broke off and flew away. I stood fully exposed before the demon. Wasn’t ready for that.
- Wow… A human! With a title! Is he… doing gymnastics? Yo, Ziddy, what’s the party here?
Without thinking, I shot lightning at his eyes and threw my dagger, but it bounced off like it hit a force field. Fail…
- Whoa, so feisty… Don’t throw lightning like that! It’s rude.
He’s not agroing… That’s a bit calming…
- Ziddy, what you guys up to?
It’s all on Wilson now. If his wits and imagination pull through, I might dodge another fight with a stupidly strong enemy.
- Oh, this… – Wilson started. Come on, prove you’re worth a damn! – Just having fun.
- Yeah? How?
- Rounding up doggos and watching this guy run from them. He’s so quick. Me and the boys bet on how long he’ll last.
Wilson, you fucker… I`ll kill you.
