Xena

  Xena tossed and turned in her new bed that night. The unfamiliar space around her felt too large and empty.. She wasn’t used to sleeping alone. There had always been other girls nearby, whispering or breathing in the dark. Now the quiet pressed in on her, heavy and wrong.

  When sleep finally took her, it didn’t bring rest. It brought strange, churring dreams.

  Blurry faces surrounded her, half-hidden among unfamiliar foliage and looming structures. She leaned closer, trying to make out their features. Then the dream dissolved, scenes smearing and fading, and the wispy canopy of her bed came back into focus.

  It was the same dream. Every time.

  Sleep wasn’t coming. Pushing the covers aside, she realized dawn was approaching. She padded to the washroom, her shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

  The receiving room was empty. No servant stood by the door in their usual spot. Were they ordered to give her privacy at night? They wouldn’t leave her alone. Not completely. They wouldn’t leave her alone, at least not completely. Someone would be stationed in the hallway. Just close enough to hear if she called.

  No said she was confined to her quarters, but valuable things weren’t left unguarded. Ten, maybe twenty men, likely stood in wait. For her or Beck. Never more than a breath away if needed.

  She went to the washbasin to splash water over her face. She glared at her reflection in the mirror above. The dark circles under her eyes were clear evidence of the terrible night she endured. Her mind reeled as she went over everything Princess Ryna taught her. The quiet pressed in on her, but it was her dinner with the prince, and then his mother, that weighed most heavily on her thoughts. No wonder she had those dreams, the previous day had been monumental. Over the past week, her entire life had been upended and set on a new path. She had prepared for it, but living it was another matter entirely.

  Her thoughts drifted back to her dinner with the Prince. Her future husband. The memory of his easy smile and the low, clear sound of his voice sent warmth to her cheeks. When she’d finally been left alone to rest, she’d let her imagination run away. She repeatedly imagined their wedding night: his hands on her waist, deep blue eyes locked with hers.. She imagined the way his lips might feel against her skin. She had often wondered how it would feel to be touched by a man the way that husbands touch their wives. But now knowing who that man would be sent her mind exploring further than ever before.

  She finished washing up and relieving herself, then returned to bed, where she tossed and turned for the remainder of the night. Just as the rising sun began to brighten her chamber, the doors were thrown open and Remy swept in, demanding she rise. Xena didn’t bother telling her that she’d been awake most of the night. She rose stiffly, stretched and followed Remy to the wardrobe. The next hour passed in a rush of washing, dressing and arranging Xena’s face. At the end of the hour, the main doors opened once more to reveal Princess Ryna. She was dressed the same as the night before in her tan, flowing robes. Presumably a different set, though no one could tell. She ushered Xena along, out to her first day as chosen princess-to-be.

  –????????–

  Xena spent the rest of the day and the following two in meetings with Princess Ryna. They did everything from visiting the dressmaker’s shop for wedding gown fittings, to practicing her vows and the ceremonial traditions she needed to know, to discussing the wedding dinner. The dinner was particularly important. Xena would sit beside her new husband on a raised dais and receive gifts from those in attendance. Most of those attending would be lords and their wives from the cities throughout Carsil. Princess Ryna reviewed detailed descriptions of all who would be in attendance, ensuring Xena would recognize them when it came time for formal greetings. Much to Xena’s dismay, as they always did, toward the duties expected of her as the prince’s wife. Her duties in the bedchamber. Their meetings were held over tea, which Princess Ryna had insisted she drink morning and night to encourage fertility. It was a special blend of herbs provided by the physician who oversaw the royal family’s health. On the last day before Tregan’s wedding, their meeting ended with a trip to the physician, where Xena underwent an examination to ensure she was healthy enough to wed the Prince.

  The physician, an elderly man with long salt and pepper hair tied neatly at the nape of his neck, poked and prodded at Xena’s body. Princess Ryna watched from a chair in the corner, hands folded neatly in her lap. When it came time for Xena to lie down and for him to inspect between her legs, she couldn’t stop her face from turning a bright shade of cherry red. She fixed her gaze on a crack in the stone ceiling and did not look away, willing herself not to flinch, as his cold fingers gently spread her apart. He examined her for a moment, then nodded toward Princess Ryna in quiet confirmation. Stepping away, he patted Xena’s knee to indicate she could rise. She did so and dressed quickly, face still burning crimson. She did not complain. She did not refuse. She did exactly what had been asked of her, just as she’d been trained.

  On the way back to her chambers, the heat finally faded from Xena’s face, though the tightness in her stomach remained. The physician had been kind and gentle, but afterward had spoken in hushed whispers to the Princess while Xena had dressed, deliberately keeping his assessment from her.

  Princess Ryna was silent until they were alone. Then she cleared her throat.

  “The physician confirms that you are healthy and in your prime childbearing years,” she said quietly. “Once wed, you will be examined regularly to monitor your moon cycle. It is essential to know when you are most fertile.”

  Xena didn’t respond, staring ahead as they walked. Her face remained composed, though her mind reeled. She had always known an heir would be expected of her, and quickly. What unsettled her was how quickly that expectation had become reality.

  Two days.

  In two days, she would be wed. Two days, and she could already be with child. The thought settled low in her belly, unfamiliar and heavy. She wasn’t afraid of her duty, but to be touched that way, and then to bear a child, would be crossing into something completely unknown.

  As if sensing Xena’s unease, the princess halted their walk and laid a hand on her arm. “My lady,” she said, her voice still hushed. “I know this is much to take in, and many changes all at once, but I will be by your side through it all. My son is a good man, and he will see that you are cared for. There is nothing to fear.”

  Xena drew in a steadying breath and let the words settle. She nodded. The tightness in her chest eased, just a little, and they continued their walk back to her chambers.

  –????????–

  Princess Ryna and Remy helped to bathe and prepare Xena that evening, though not for her usual dinner with the prince. Tonight, she would attend the rehearsal dinner for Prince Tregan and his chosen bride, accompanied by Prince Beck and his mother. Xena had come to look forward to seeing Beck every night for supper. He spoke easily of his days, explaining his various duties to the kingdom and how she would support him in his role. He asked about the things she enjoyed, and about the place she had come from. She answered carefully, mindful not to speak more than she considered proper. Fortunately, he was an easy conversationalist and took up the thread where she let it drop. Before she knew it, the meal had passed and he was escorting her back to her chambers, pressing a light kiss to her cheek in farewell. The previous night, however, he turned her face toward his and held her gaze for a long moment before pressing his lips firmly to hers.

  It was all she had been able to think of afterwards, and it did nothing to help with her strange dreams or restlessness. She was exhausted, having barely slept for four nights in a row, but she made a careful effort to keep the exhaustion out of her posture and expression. So far, no one had commented, and the paint and powder applied to her face concealed the dark circles beneath her eyes. She would need to be at her best for the coming days, so she tried to ignore the dull ache behind her eyes from the lack of sleep. Her sleep had never been so disrupted, and she couldn’t recall ever having such strange, murky dreams.

  “Princess Ryna?” Xena asked quietly as the woman fussed over the puffy, pale pink gown they had stuffed her into moments ago.

  Stolen story; please report.

  The woman stepped back, hands on her hips, surveying her work. She offered a vague, distracted “Hm?”

  “I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it,” Xena said quietly, “But I haven’t been sleeping very well and I need to be at my best for the coming days. Do you think I might see the physician tonight, after dinner? I wondered if there might be something he could give me, just for the next two nights, to help me sleep. Perhaps some sort of tonic?”

  Princess Ryna continued studying the gown as Xena spoke, never once meeting her eyes. She circled Xena once and instructed her to raise her arms. Xena did as she was told, waiting tensely for a response.

  “There will be no need,” Princess Ryna replied. “I will visit him and raise your concerns, but it is likely the tea we’ve been giving you.”

  Xena’s brows lifted slightly in surprise. “The tea, my lady?” Xena asked. “I thought it was meant to encourage fertility?”

  “It is,” Princess Ryna replied, finally meeting Xena’s eyes, apparently satisfied with the gown. “But it affects each body differently. It contains herbs that can cause restlessness. I will speak with the physician and see if the blend can be adjusted for you. Until then, do not drink it. We will skip it tonight and continue tomorrow after you are wed. That should be enough time for the adjustment. What you have ingested so far should be sufficient to prepare your body regardless. Skipping a night or two won’t cause harm. When are you due for your next moon blood?”

  Xena’s face warmed, but she answered steadily, “In about two weeks, Princess.”

  Princess Ryna nodded, “Good. I shall inform the physician. Come now. We cannot be late for dinner. You are to arrive before the other honored guests. They are eager to meet the newly betrothed princess of the royal house.”

  Xena bowed slightly, and then they were off, leaving Remy behind. Remy gave Xena a quick, wordless pat on the arm as they hurried out. Xena followed Princess Ryna through the now-familiar halls of the upper floors. As they walked, however, the surroundings began to feel unfamiliar. They were venturing into a part of the castle that Xena had scarcely seen.

  The castle was divided into many wings, each allotted to prominent members of the royal house. She shared a wing with Prince Beck, while the King and Tregan each occupied private wings of their own. The servants’ quarters lay underground, near the kitchens and laundry. Xena had never been beneath the castle and had no sense what those areas looked like.

  There were also common areas, open to the public at certain times. Usually for special occasions, like the day she’d been chosen. There were three ballrooms within the castle. She had passed by the grand ballroom once, where both wedding ceremonies would take place in the coming days. The rehearsal dinner, held only for Tregan’s wedding, as Beck’s would follow a similar pattern the following day, would take place in one of the smaller ballrooms. That was where they headed now.

  Xena had been told that only a handful of lords would attend the rehearsal. The most important guests, of course. It would be her first formal meeting with some of the realm’s most prestigious households. To mark the occasion's importance, Princess Ryna had donned white robes denoting her rank. This was usually unheard of, as white robes were symbolic to the queen. However, the king insisted that his wives be presented to the lords in higher power to their own wives. No one questioned the king’s orders, so the white robes were donned by all three of his wives. The queen would wear the same, distinguished by a thin, ornate crown around her hooded head. The queen’s crown was a delicate band of silver, plain and simple, yet beautiful all the same.

  Princess Ryna guided them past the grand ballroom and into yet another section of the common halls that Xena had never seen. Xena glanced about as they rounded a corner into a lavishly decorated hall. Had she not been so focused on staying composed, her face carefully schooled, her jaw might have dropped.

  Every visible surface leading to the tall oak doors of the ballroom was dressed in white. Delicate flowers filled vases; garlands of white flowers hung from the ceiling; gauzy ropes of twisted lace and fluffy gossamer were strung along the walls. Tiny, twinkling lights glimmered within the gathered gossamer lending the hall an ethereal glow. Thousands of candles burned on elegant stands of different shapes and heights. Their flickering firelight bathed them in a warm yellow hue. It was like a scene out of a daydream.

  Princess Ryna walked slowly up to the doors of the ballroom and stopped, turning to Xena. Her eyes crinkled in an obvious smile beneath her hood. “Reminds me of my own wedding day, though much grander.”

  Xena stared at her, unsure what to say, but then the princess turned and led them inside. The ballroom stretched before her, bathed in sparkling light and white decor. At the far end, prince Beck and Tregan stood, each dressed in the most immaculate garments Xena had ever seen. White jackets lined with golden thread caught the glow of thousands of candles that framed the walls. Tregan's jacket boasted a long, elegant train extending from its tails; Beck’s remained traditional. Their trousers were finely pressed, their shoes a bleached, white leather with golden buttons and stitching. They looked every part the princes they were.

  As they approached, Prince Beck’s face lit up with a warm smile, while Tregan’s remained unreadable, almost bored. He quickly scanned Xena up and down before returning his attention to the doors. Xena realized she had worn a similar expression since childhood, a carefully crafted emotionless mask Honed to perfection by training and expectation. She wondered if the princes had undergone their own training. Beck, however, never seemed to hide his emotions. His easy smile was a fixture, alighting his beautiful features. She found herself secretly glad she was Beck’s bride and not Tregan’s.

  Beck stepped up his mother’s side, leaned down, and lifted Xena’s hand to his lips in a delicate, formal greeting. He pressed the back of her gloved hand to his mouth and let it drop, eyes twinkling in amusement at the subtle flush rising to her cheeks.

  “Good to see you, my love,” he whispered for only her to hear. “You look absolutely stunning this evening.”

  Xena curtseyed, heart hammering, struggling to calm her breathing. She was always stunned by the effect he had on her.

  “You look ravishing as well, my prince,” she whispered in return.

  He beamed, clearly pleased by her words, and led her to their place along the massive central table. Instead of pulling out her chair for her, he turned her to stand with her back to it, facing the doors. He did the same and stood in front of what would be his own chair.

  “We are to greet the other guests before taking our seats,” he explained, gesturing toward a finely dressed man and a robed woman entering the room. Tregan to the side of the doors, presumably waiting to escort his bride-to-be once arrived and being the first to greet the entering guests.

  “Lord and Lady Parson of Kinsley,” Beck muttered quietly out of the side of his mouth as the first couple drew nearer to them.

  Xena squeezed his hand in acknowledgement, grateful for the unexpected guidance. She recognized the lord from Princess Ryna’s descriptions but still appreciated the help all the same. The couple offered their congratulations, eyes lingering on Xena as they moved to take their place at the table, curiosity barely concealed. Lady Pason’s skin, what could be seen of it around her eyes underneath her modest robes, was flawless and youthful. Lord Parson, stooped and limping, contrasted sharply in age to her apparent vitality. Lady Parson kept a steadying hand under her husband’s arm for support as they walked. The age difference surprised Xena, though she supposed it wasn’t unheard of.

  As more guests poured in, Xena maintained her composure. Some openly gawked at her exposed, uncovered face. Still, she greeted each with quiet respect. All eyes seemed fixed on her, standing at Beck’s side. That is, until Tregan’s bride arrived. A hush fell. The room’s murmurs grew as she glided through the door, her posture regal and unyielding.

  Beck’s smile faltered, and Xena’s stomach tightened.

  Tregan’s smirk said everything. This was his bride, and his kingdom. The woman, Tregan’s bride and future queen, was tightly corseted, her cream and gold gown molded to every curve. The slit in the front of her gown plunged between her breasts to beneath her bellybutton, which was fashioned with a delicate gold ring. It was scandalous. Yet, elegant in a way that Xena’s fluffy pink gown couldn’t compete with. The woman’s eyes met Xena’s for a moment and neither woman broke their relaxed facade. But beneath the surface, Xena felt her calm slip ever so slightly. Let the show begin.

  –????????–

  Dinner proceeded much as Xena had experienced with Beck, though her thoughts were haunted by Tregan’s brides entrance. She hadn’t thought of it as a competition until today, but realized they were the stars of a very dangerous performance. Before dessert, the king gestured, and Tregan rose to introduce his soon-to-be wife by her name for the first time: Ja’Lena. He chose it for her just the night before. She rose, curtseyed, and received polite applause. Xena clapped lightly, even as her head throbbed with the noise. Her sleeplessness weighed on her heavily, but she fought it every second.

  After dessert, a bishop outlined the next day’s ceremony, highlighting important details that the law required for a binding marriage. Xena was relieved she had heard it all before from Princess Ryna, since her head throbbed too much to absorb the information. The steady ache behind her eyes grew more insistent. She blinked rapidly as the pain speared, trying to hide her wince. Beck, noticing her subtle distress, squeezed her knee under the table. She gave him a faint nob, trying to reassure him, and turned her attention back to the bishop.

  By the end of the rehearsal, Xena’s nausea had grown unbearable. Beck rose, pulling her chair out as she tried to stand. The world tilted violently. She reached for the table but misjudged the distance. She swayed, finding Beck’s arm suddenly there for support. She grasped it desperately, and he wrapped his arm around her back to fully support her weight. His usual smile faded, his expression warping into one of worry.

  “I’m fine,” Xena whispered, trying to release her grasp on his arm. Her stomach rolled and she clung on once again as the room spun.

  Beck held her as she shivered violently. “Let’s get you back to your chambers,” he murmured in her ear, turning her toward the door. His practiced ease drew attention away from Xena’s condition, though she hardly noticed. All she wanted was to lie down on the cool, marble floor.

  Halfway across the ballroom, Tregan and Ja’Lena stepped into their path. Tregan frowned at Xena and Ja’Lena reached out, placing her palm against Xena’s forehead before snatching it back. She was burning up.

  “Are you ill?” She asked loudly, drawing the attention of a few guests close by.

  “My lady has simply exhausted herself tonight,” Beck said, laughing lightly. “You look beautiful tonight, Lady Ja’Lena, and we look forward to tomorrow’s ceremony. If you’ll excuse us, I must ensure that Lady Xena makes it back to her chambers for the evening.”

  Ja’Lena frowned a little, looking back at Xena but took a step back to allow them past, and Tregan turned his attention away. Beck tugged on Xena lightly, telling her it was time to move. She took one step. Then another. But then the room spun violently. Xena’s grip on Beck tightened as nausea overwhelmed her. She leaned forward, the contents of her stomach spilling on the floor, splattering Ja’Lena’s gown and shoes.

  “Get. Her. Out. Of. My. Sight,” Tregan seethed between clenched teeth, voice sharp as a whip.

  Beck wasted no time, scooping Xena up and whisking her out of the ballroom, through the castle to their private wing.

  –????????–