Behind me, I heard something large pounding down the sidewalk, singing in a deep, lovely, booming voice, “For auld lang syne, my dear. For auld lang syne. We’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne!”

  Then something massive and blue flew over my head, whooshing my hair as it passed and landed in front of me, still speeding ahead towards Harley. I could feel him, and it was definitely a masculine presence, but what it was I couldn’t say.

  It looked like a glacier with swirly blue and lavender currents. It had arms and ran on two legs and declared, “For auld lang syne! We’ll take a cup of kindness yet!” in a voice that was at once pure and gravelly. Like something old but powerfully present. And I felt his intention.

  Inches from Harley, he hurled himself forward, grabbed the goo streams that had Harley’s ankles, and balanced on his knuckles. His hands melted into the monstrosity and broke its hold on my wife.

  Seconds later, Harley kicked free and leapt to her feet.

  “It’s okay, Har!” I shouted. “He’s a Slayer Companion!”

  She turned to face me, then stumbled. I zoomed to her side, stabilizing her, but she lowered to the ground, feeling in her pocket.

  “Took a beating. Need a power up,” she gasped, holding her ribcage.

  “Harley?” I asked. But she was already opening a cellophane package and putting a slice of blueberry candy cane to her lips, sucking it as if her life depended on it. And maybe it did after the way that goo had smashed her about on the pavement.

  I wondered why the smashing was worse than becoming a human bouncy ball, but now didn’t seem to be the time to question my wife.

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  After we’d banished the Murder Yule Log at midwinter, Harley had taken my magical blue-striped candy cane and made us some emergency power-up slices. Using the Invento-Weapon ability, she took a piece of twine and turned it into an insta-wiresaw, perfect for shaping holiday confections. Then she’d shrink-wrapped the small portions so we could keep them in our pockets like mints.

  My wife was both creative and handy, and the idea had been perfect, as was now being demonstrated by the green energy flicking across her skin. Her Turbo Mode could accelerate healing, but took an energy source, either calories or magic candy canes. So it was a good use of our candy-cane supply if it helped her fix up cracked ribs and bruised joints.

  Harley’s breath evened out as I watched her, and our Slayer Companion was nearby, still balancing on his knuckles in the middle of the sidewalk, humming “Auld Lang Syne” happily.

  “So, we’re... what? Facing killer coffee goo this time?” I looked at Harley’s black boots and took out my pad, flicking on its flashlight to try and get an idea of the substance that’d had her by the ankles.

  “Hmmm,” I started, crouching down, biting my lip. There was some gunk on her boots, and I had no idea if that small amount could come to life and start trouble. So I activated my suds and propelled them at my wife’s shoes, lifting off the offending substance and isolating it in a solitary bubble where I could float it away. But what should I do with it?

  “Slayer Companion?” I questioned the giant balancing on his hands. At my voice, he bounded onto his feet, then put one knee on the ground, bowing his head and waving an arm across his body. And covered his heart with one hand.

  Oh, dear god. Of course, I’d bond an otherworldly ice creature that had a flair for melodrama.

  “Liege, if you’re talking to me, then I implore you: tell me how I might serve,” and I could feel his intent in my being. Everything about him rang with cheeky snark, but not in an unfriendly way. Just that ebullient personality that said, “I’m here. I’m loud, and I know it.”

  The attribute was strikingly similar to my favorite person in the world, and that gave me pause since she was currently on her butt in the middle of the sidewalk crunching a blueberry candy cane.

  “Well, Auld—” Harley began behind me, but I cut her off.

  “We’re calling it ‘Auld?’” I asked, incredulous.

  “I think it’s cute—“ Harley was interrupted by a system message appearing in front of the giant ice being.

  And that made everything even more muddled.