"But speaking of cozying up to cute yet friendly monsters that could eat you at any moment and make you feel a lot of confusing sexual things, Digimon is back!" -Geoff Thew, The Best Anime of Fall 2025-

  _____

  Teleporting to a place to solve problems was something James had missed.

  He felt like the telepads should be more efficient than they ended up being. For himself, at least. Response and Recovery made extensive use of the things and had basically no problems at all except for learning that a few exceedingly rare people got nauseous when teleporting. For James though, teleporting was a thing he did as part of casual life, and much more rarely in his role as a paladin.

  Dungeons? Half of them were painful and possibly dangerous to teleport in or out of. And the Underburbs specifically had erased addresses and made telepads fail when they’d been fighting it. Investigations? Seemed like anywhere that had anything worth investigating had someone tracking teleports. And besides that, there were a scattering of places that teleporting just didn’t work into, even if they were on the map. Mostly just police stations so far, as well as Townton when the Last Line had showed up, but if it was possible in one place it was possible in others.

  James didn’t even teleport to go on vacation, because if the point of a vacation was to be rejuvenating, then he wanted to make sure Zhu got the full experience of it, and that meant a road trip. Or a flight, maybe? The idea that he could travel to other countries was something that technically occurred to James, but for that he did teleport, because he hadn’t renewed his passport in long enough that he was certain no one would accept his travel papers.

  Today, though, James just showed up outside an old brick building that had started as an elementary school before going through a few life phases and ending up as the Northern Oklahoma Proud Grandparent’s Adventuring Society.

  Saying the full name, even in his head, was becoming an increasing source of amusement for James.

  The weather here was bright sunshine that somehow did nothing for the chill, and brisk wind that did a lot for the chill but on what James would consider the wrong side of that conflict. Zhu took a couple seconds to appreciate the environment, before his feathers shifted in that sideways shuffle he did when he was making himself incorporeal enough to phase back through James’ coat and shirt sleeves and reappear inside the garments. This had the notable effect of giving James the look of someone with an entire glowing chicken stuffed down their shirt, but whatever, he wasn’t here to look normal.

  ”You look like you’re trying to sneak a whole swan into a rave.” Anesh told him.

  ”‘M not a swan!” Zhu’s muffled voice came back, even his eyes covered up by James’ coat.

  On the other side of James, TQ raised himself up to stare at where Zhu’s feathers poked out of the various slots in James’ attire, his lens adjusting in tiny motions. “Proficient.” He declared. “We should go to a rave.”

  ”Do you go to raves often?” James asked cheerfully as they made their way down the arch of a driveway and toward the front door of the building. Underneath the awning that covered the entrance, it was even chillier; the anemic sun unable to reach here but the wind having no trouble. “Wait are there raves in Townton?! I’ve never been to a rave I kinda wanna try that now.”

  ”I will make you a rave.” TQ promised. “Also what is a rave. I will need to know this for later.”

  The iteration of Anesh with them currently ignored whatever was going on there, and gave a polite nod to the elderly woman tilting herself back and forth on the balls of her feet next to the door they were approaching. Combined with the mostly coherent sharp lines of her face, it gave her a birdlike appearance all her own. “Morning Kiki. Should we be asking how you got here before us?”

  ”Magic, kid. Keep up.” Kiki’s sardonic little smile pinched the wrinkles on her cheeks, skin that didn’t look unhealthy but did look exceptionally aged showing its years. “If you can find a faster teleporter at least.”

  Anesh smiled without thinking about it as he passed by Kiki, and then had the treacherous thought that he wasn’t sure if that smile was genuine, or because of the aura around the woman.

  Sometimes he felt like he was one of the few people in the Order that worried about that almost as much as Kiki did. James didn’t care. Keeka specifically had learned about it and been anti-concerned; the ratroach confiding in Anesh that he saw cruelty as a wound to be healed and not as a sacrosanct character trait that he gave a shit about preserving. Even Ben seemed to find it sarcastically funny that someone else had to deal with what he did.

  Under normal circumstances, meeting with Kiki wouldn’t be a big deal. She spent so much time these days helping Sarah and the others in her team establish communications with Clutter Ascent that she was constantly drained of her strange magic. In fact, that was probably why she spent so much time on it so eagerly. But if she had gotten here at her best pillar speed, then she wasn’t drained, and her magic was at least active enough that she could use it.

  Or maybe there was never a time when she couldn’t. Maybe it was always there, under a thin layer of drowsiness. Anesh didn’t know.

  James fell into step behind him as they walked in, his boyfriend ruining Anesh’s concern by talking. “See, we can beat Kiki there, because we don’t have any trepidation about walking into her old clubhouse!” He told TQ conspiratorially.

  ”Will we be conquering this one too?” The blue-grey camraconda asked placidly.

  ”It’s not conquering, it’s…” James faltered, searching for the right word. “It’s… I just kind of ask people to join up and they say yes because we’re a better option than anything else and mundane civilization seems to sort of not know how to react to anything.”

  Kiki, tailing the group like she was unsure about even being in the building, couldn’t resist chiming in. “That’s not new.” She told James. “Ever tried to live in a neighborhood with a homeowner’s association? Great God almighty they do not react well to painting a mailbox. You could give someone a stroke just moving in a camraconda next door."

  ”That is a service I am willing to provide, yes.” TQ bobbed his head as he slithered next to James.

  ”Kiki how old are you?” James asked with a thin grin.

  ”Don’t ask me that.” The woman replied with a huff.

  James nodded as the group moved through the halls of the old school, recently cleaned tiles under their feet and tail, cold sunlight leaving patterns of squares where it flowed through the exterior windows. “I have a business degree and I’m in my mid thirties. I have never once in my life dared to believe that I would be allowed to live in a house where there’s a homeowners association.” He informed her. “It’s so stapled into my brain that I didn’t even consider moving out of my apartment when I started getting paid for working at the Order.”

  ”Working at the Order.” Anesh grumbled under his breath as me made air quotes with his fingers. “Also you don’t want to move because you don’t want to explain our basement to the property manager!”

  ”Those can both be true things!” James defended himself. Badly. He sped up to escape the jokes coming from the peanut gallery surround him, though he couldn’t get away from Zhu as the navigator spilled back out of his coat and into the open air. “Everyone’s a critic.” James mumbled.

  ”Including you.” Zhu reminded him.

  James ignored that. Because he had more important things to do, like cross the square archway threshold into what had once been an elementary school library, and was currently a social club for grandparents who had an abundance of free time. Sort of.

  The Northern Oklahoma Proud Grandparents Adventuring Society, perhaps, put a little more emphasis on the adventuring than other words in that mouthful. From James’ understanding, about half the people here had been active delvers of the local dungeon, had visited at least one or two others in different places, and most of them had been healed in various ways by Kiki before she understood what she was doing. Which meant they were… different… than they’d used to be. Kinder, yes, and perhaps they’d lost some of their old personality in the process, which wasn’t something to scoff at without consideration. But it didn’t seem like any of them had lost their sharp edges; the only thing that had really been taken away was the way the cumulative damage of age slowed a person down.

  It was kind of weird to know that the old man with a tanned bald head covered in wrinkles like canyons who was watching a soap opera on the big screen TV might actually be able to give James a run for his money in a stand up brawl. If the two ladies next to him joined in, one with wiry hair dyed a silvery blue, the other working on crocheting with gnarled hands without taking her eyes off the drama unfolding on screen, then James was probably losing a friendly spar.

  Good thing he wasn’t here to fight anyone. Except Kiki, if she kept lurking in the hallway instead of coming inside.

  The room today was different than when James had first found this place. There were more people, for one thing; maybe thirty members of the Society sitting around at folding card tables. Chatting, playing cards, sharing baked goods. It was an energetic atmosphere, but not a calm one; because the other people who were already here were other members of the Order.

  ”Paladin. Welcome in.” Charlie greeted James as he strode in, both of them watching as TQ slithered past at high speed, the camraconda navigating the much narrower spaces between all the tables and chairs to get to where an attentive looking cat was perched on the edge of one of the folding tables, watching the proceedings. Charlie and James watched for a moment as the camraconda tried to engage the cat in conversation, before looking back to each other, the scout continuing like nothing was out of the ordinary. “We’ve made some progress.”

  ”It’s been a day.” James said, pressing his eyelids closed so hard that he could feel the difference in the shape of his human eye and his eagle one. “Okay, two days. But come on.”

  From underneath the more sturdy table Charlie was using, a digital voice called up, “Yeah man, that’s what happens when you leave us alone for too long!”

  ”Hi Dance.” James sighed, before turning to the other people standing or sitting around the familiar scene of laid out maps and markers. “Hi to everyone else too.”

  Charlie moved back to place a hand on the back of his own chair. ”Right. This is Alan and Linda, local delvers and amateur cartographers.” He motioned to the two grandparents, one of whom looked like he was about to start up a whole conversation before Charlie kept talking quickly enough to cut that off. “You’ve met Alice, and also Archie here.”

  “Hey ya brat. Where’s the big guy?”

  ”Oh, off doing something more fun than this.” James smiled back at the old man that seemed to love antagonizing everyone.

  Charlie treated that like a normal greeting. “And this is Rajesh, shield team one captain.”

  ”We have also met.” James said, giving Rajesh a nod. “Briefly.” During a training exercise, where James had been told by Nate to ‘not go easy on them’. He’d thrown Rajesh off an elevated platform in the Lair’s back parking lot, and then encased half of the kid’s body in asphalt to keep him pinned. Also he’d hired him originally anyway. “Good to see you again?”

  ”Better circumstances, surely.” Rajesh’s slender face made his wide toothy smile stand out a lot more.

  ”Wait until I disrupt this whole gathering by dragging Kiki out of the hallway.”

  ”The oldest bat’s here with you?” Archie sat up straighter, the man’s eyes widening. He started smoothing out the collar of the button up shirt he was wearing, like he was worried about putting his best foot forward. “Why didn’t you say so?”

  The other two who were helping with the maps shared a look too, before Alan and Linda both casually stood up with the kind of fluid motion that you didn’t get anything like from people who were suffering from a lifetime of back pain. “We’ll be back in a moment, boys. Just going to step outside for a second.” Linda said as the duo started walking toward where James had just strolled in.

  ”Subtle.” Alice offered, watching them go. “Arch, you gonna…?”

  ”Yeah, I’ll be right back.” The man took Alice’s sarcastic motion as an invitation, or perhaps was well past the age of caring if her hand gesture was sarcastic or not, and stood to follow the others.

  Charlie looked at James and shook his head. “That’s going to slow things down.” He said calmly.

  ”Were they part of you bringing me up to speed?”

  ”No, they were just helping us with local knowledge.” Charlie admitted. “But that might be an issue.” He pointed past James to where, in ones and twos, the entire Northern Oklahoma Proud Grandparents Adventuring Society was unsubtly getting out of their seats and slinking out around the corner into the hallway. A small mob forming as, with polite chatter and a collective attitude that nothing had changed and nothing was out of the ordinary, they welcomed Kiki back.

  TQ turned to watch the small exodus, chewing awkwardly on a brownie he’d been given and with the cat sitting on his head like he was a throne. “Oh good, that is resolved.” He commented, sliding his frame over toward the others. “Hello. How bad is it?” He asked Charlie directly.

  Charlie motioned to the map, raising his voice to speak to the group as he locked on to the conversational objective. “It’s not good.” He said. “But it could be worse. We’re looking at just under a million acres of land occupied, verified.”

  ”Christ.” James let out a long exhalation.

  Rajesh gave a single note of laughter, along with a sharp edge to his smile. “That’s what I thought too. It isn’t the end of the world.” He said.

  ”Isn’t it?” James questioned. “The majority of that is farmland, right? How much of a hit to the nation’s food production just got dealt out by a single dungeon event? Is this going to cause shortages or starvation? Also, that is definitely the end of the world for the people that got eaten while these things spread out.” The look Charlie and Alice shared made it feel to James like they’d had a similar conversation before he got here. “What?” James asked. “Did I miss a text or something?”

  ”No, that’s not it.” Alice sighed, leaning forward in her chair, shifting carefully to not step on either of the people hiding under the table. “It’s… the people. This covers about several hundred square miles. The population density in this part of the state? It’s really sparse. Like, twenty per square mile sparse. So yeah, this is bad for a lot of people, but it’s also spread out, and we’ve had more trouble with the survivors than anything else.” Alice folded her arms. “Because they’re shitty.” She added.

  ”…Explain.” James ordered.

  While choosing to use more diplomatic words, Charlie’s explanation didn’t exactly countermand his teammate’s. “There’s plenty of farms that are still operational. There’s even a few small towns on the outskirts of where the situation gets bad that’s working as normal; homes, businesses, highway access, it’s life as usual. Mostly.”

  ”That ‘mostly’ seems to be doing a lot of heavy lifting.” Zhu commented, his talons tracing lines on the maps on the table, his eyes widening as he saw something the others couldn’t on the roads.

  ”That’s because it is.” Charlie confirmed. “There’s been a few hundred confirmed deaths, and a lot of injuries. But the people living here are, in a word, stubborn.”

  ”Wouldn’t know anything about that.” Alice muttered, staring at the hall where a cluster of grandparents were now loudly chattering and laughing in a wave of sound.

  James glanced at her, muffling a confused smile, then back at Charlie. “So they’re, what, digging in? Do they realize this is a magic-based situation?”

  ”Shockingly? Yes.” Charlie said. “There’s no direct memeplex there, that we can find. Which is part of why we’re worried that this isn’t a dungeon expanding, but something new.”

  ”I think it’s a dead dungeon!” Dance called from under the table.

  ”There’s no proof for that specific theory.” Charlie said quickly. “As to the locals, they are on edge, often armed, and equally often hostile to our presence. So we’re working on plans that avoid them as much as possible. Now, as to your farm questions, those have easier answers. A million acres would be just under three percent of this state’s farmland, however, there’s substantial empty space in there that isn’t cultivated. But yes, there’s a lot of value in food being either disrupted or outright consumed by the dungeon life. There just isn’t enough damage being done to cause a famine, though we haven’t seen what their population numbers are like over time.”

  ”They eat soybeans?” James inquired.

  Charlie shook his head. “They eat cows. Actually they eat basically anything, but swarms of them have been most focused on areas with concentrated livestock. Cows, pigs, chickens, shield team two observed a group of the dungeon life bring down and devour the majority of a grown cow in under five minutes. They are vicious when they are hungry.”

  ”And they’re always hungry!” Dance added.

  ”Communication?” TQ asked. “Or are they too busy eating to speak?”

  ”Not only do they not communicate, they anti-communicate.” Alice almost gleefully delivered the bad news. “They put out bubbles of silence around themselves; and there’s some weirdness there but we haven’t figured it out yet. So if you don’t hear them, watch out!” She sounded way too happy about that.

  ”Great.” James nodded. “Okay. Cool. So. What’s your plan?”

  Charlie gave him a steady stare. “Our plan is to keep trying to locate the original dungeon.” He said calmly.

  Rajesh shifted to let Anesh step up next to James, talking as he shook his head. “There’s no chance for us to contain this.” He said. “Not if things don’t change. It’s hard to get a full count but we think there’s ten to fifteen thousand of them per square mile. We’re looking at over a million of the world’s most lethal rabbits, before we find out they have litters once a week. And that’s just that type. We’ve spotted other creatures, but have so far not engaged.” He narrowed his eyes. “Team one is getting good at fighting small groups. And the papaji here are tough as anything. But we will run out of bullets before we run out of targets. And it only takes one mistake.” He shook his head sadly.

  ”Yeah, they have big claws!” Dance yelled up at them.

  ”Do you wish to join us?” TQ asked her, not lowering his head so as not to unseat the cat.

  ”No I’m stuck!” She answered.

  James didn’t have a cat on his head, so he leaned down to look under the broad table, and found the camraconda with one mechanical arm propping up a tablet while the rest of her was trapped underneath a pile of crocamaw and trenchcoat. “Right.” He said, rising back up, curiosity sated. “So. Find dungeon, stop dungeon, return one million caerbannogs back home, then go get some kind of delicious local food.”

  ”It pains me to tell you the classiest local food in that area is a Pizza Hut.” Rajesh told him. “They don’t even have a bad Mexican place. I don’t understand this country all the way yet, but I understand that is a bad sign.”

  James shook his head. “This is why the locals are so angry.” He said. “If my hometown only had Pizza Hut, I’d be hostile too.” He cut himself off before going on a tangent about the place of privilege he was coming from as a human from a growing city with twenty different Thai restaurants within walking distance.

  ”We could drive thirty miles though.” Zhu offered. “Technically driving a long way for food is how we met!”

  ”That’s only barely true but okay.” James smiled. “Do we have a plan beyond broad objectives?” He asked.

  ”No. That’s why you’re here, and I hope why you brought the world’s most dangerous grandma with you.” Alice said with a mischievous smile.

  ”Oh I just bullied Kiki into coming so she could stop avoiding her social group out of misplaced shame and or pride.” James admitted. “Is she dangerous and or useful to this investigation? I hadn’t really considered it.”

  Anesh tapped James on the back of his head. “Be serious.” His boyfriend told him, knowing it wouldn’t work. “Now before we forget, this dungeon’s magic?”

  ”Ah.” Charlie said.

  Alice’s unhappy groan filled in the rest of that picture. “You’ll hate this one!” She told them.

  ”The drops are similar to OM orbs.” Charlie explained. “Except they offer a choice between three… formats. Always the same three, so far. All three are mentally labeled as ‘focus ranks’, and you can pick between planning, studying, and enacting. Those are red, yellow, and blue, respectively, so you know for later. Then it appends a seemingly random skill to the end much like an OM yellow orb.”

  ”And I will hate this becauseeeee…?” James prompted.

  ”Because as far as we can tell, and from the recovered memories of the NOPGAS membership-“

  ”We agreed you weren’t going to say that anymore!” Alice challenged him.

  ”-I am fairly confident that a focus rank detracts from the pieces that are not being focused on.” Charlie finished, ignoring his scout team cohort.

  James frowned, his own hand and Zhu’s talons coming up to cup his chin and tap at his cheek in thought in unison. “So… I get a point of focus in planning, say… I dunno, cleaning. I would have an easier time, what?”

  ”Scheduling, mentally tracking completed and upcoming tasks, even ancillary tasks like assembling needed materials.” Charlie answered.

  ”And a harder time doing it.” James finished, frowning. “You’re right, I do kind of hate this. How do you know this much already? It has, again, been only a couple days.”

  Charlie motioned to the high ceiling of the library they were in, giving James a questioning look by way of answer. Rajesh chose to answer James a lot more directly, though. “We have killed a lot of monsters.” He said.

  ”We don’t use that word.” Charlie reminded him with a firm, if neutral, voice. “Now. We’re ready for a full day, if you are. Shield team one is already on site, and team two will be available for backup and to rotate out later today. Where would you like to start?”

  James thought about it, and then, looked over as TQ nudged him with the tip of his nose, his gaze falling on an indistinct figure slipping out the other exit of the room while the crowd of older humans kept happily chatting and shifting around where the extra chairs were all set out. “Well.” James said, as he stepped back from their map table. “I think I’m gonna go talk to our resident expert for a minute.”

  ”Kiki?” Anesh asked, turning his head. “Good idea. She might know something, since she found the place to begin with, right?” He paused as he looked at the crowd of people, all of them smiling and looking content with their place in the world, but none of them the pillar he was trying to spot. “…Where is Kiki?” Anesh asked.

  ”Escaping.” TQ commented.

  ”Escaped!” Zhu added.

  ”I’ll let you know when I find her.” James said. “Be right back.”

  ”That’s what everyone else said too. We lose more people off the planning team this way.” Alice shook her head as James gave a little wave and snuck off to follow Kiki’s Irish goodbye. “Well, while he’s gone, anyone want to pick our next farm plot to check out?”

  ”One with soybeans. I have not tried those yet.” TQ said.

  Anesh took a deep breath. He hadn’t been sure if tagging along for this one would have been the right idea, but so far, he was seeing a lot of opportunities to at least be the designated adult in their group. “Before you eat any random plants,” he said, taking the opportunity to pet the cat that was resting atop TQ, “I’d like to take a look at some of the rewards. Is there a stockpile around here?”

  ”I can show you.” Rajesh said. “This way. And we can pick a starting point when the paladin gets back with more information.”

  ____

  The garden in the old school’s courtyard was almost exactly as James remembered it.

  Which was impressive, since it had been several months. Oh, there were fewer flowers and the thin trees were most of the way through shedding their leaves for the fall, sure. But there were no weeds, and those leaves seemed to have been raked up. The Society was taking care of Kiki’s garden while she was away; or maybe it was their collective garden and she just liked spending time in it. Could go either way.

  “You know, if you let the leaves stay on the ground, it’s good for the ecosystem.” James offered as he strolled out, hands in his pockets.

  Kiki didn’t look up from the wrought iron bench she was sitting on, positioned at a slight angle along the curved gravel path that led from the door James had come through across the gap in the structure to another door to a parallel hallway. “You only need to see one octogenarian take a tumble on wet leaves and snap his leg in half to ask what ecosystem you’re thinking of.” She pointed toward a corner. “So we compost.”

  ”Touche.” James sat beside her. “You alright?”

  ”This was a mistake.” Kiki’s voice had a bite to it that had nothing to do with the chill in the air. “Oh sure, I have less to do damage with, but everyone is just…” She trailed off, annoyed that she didn’t know how to express herself.

  James leaned back, slinging the arm with Zhu on it over the back of the bench and quickly wishing it was made of a material that didn’t sap heat so rapidly. “I’m going to try to not be sarcastic.” He said. “But I think you’re exaggerating the problem.”

  ”Every single person in there is someone I changed.” Kiki told him, a weathered hand rubbing at her eyes. “And as soon as I show up, they all want to chat like we’re old friends, and not… not…”

  ”Not like you’re someone who hurt them?” James asked.

  ”Right!”

  ”And you know why, I assume.”

  ”Because they don’t believe I hurt them!” Kiki flicked her hand out in a snap motion. “What am I supposed to do with that, kiddo? Just let it lie? Pretend it’s all okay? That we’re just friends?”

  James snorted. “I mean, I think they think you’re a bit more important than ‘just’ a friend. But you know, friendship is pretty great on its own.”

  ”I taught him that.” Zhu added smugly.

  ”You fucking did not!” James laughed. “I taught you… sorry, no, not the time for this game.” He shook his head and tried to stop smiling in case Kiki thought he was mocking her. “They’re happy to have you back.” He told the woman. “They like you. Not the pillar-or-whatever version of you, not your superpowers, not even Kiki exactly. They like you.” James turned to face her, and was shocked to see her crumbling in the face of the sincerity. “They’re your friends. You think I got this far without being able to recognize it? They care about you.”

  ”Even after what I did.” Kiki said. “I know, kiddo. I can see it too. That’s the problem.”

  ”I think you need to talk to them, one on one.” James told her. “Ask them if they understand. Get their opinions on things. Because I have a couple ways that we can maybe try to undo the changes you made, but they all share the traits of being risky and stupid. And I think you might be surprised at how many people understand what has happened, and accept it anyway.”

  Kiki snorted at him. “You’re one to talk.” She said.

  ”Yeah, I am.” James retorted.

  Zhu’s laugh cut off whatever James was going to use as an explanation. “You think that the person who got sad when our resident ghost octopus was out of commission and wasn’t tampering with everyone’s perception of time is going to be against mental modifications?” Zhu asked. “James loves mental modifications!” He paused, and then started ticking off exceptions on his claws. “Except alcohol. And traumatic brain injury. And depression. And…”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

  ”Zhu I am trying really hard here to be an honest source of positive energy for someone.” James said. “And you are taking a buzzsaw to my vibe.”

  Kiki laughed. Overhead, the winds kept swirling, but bit less sharply. The cool air was pleasant and not chilling. The scent of the garden, including the decay of the compost pile, pressed in like a hug from the earth itself. And the whole world seemed a little friendlier, more welcoming.

  She shook her head and looked at the young paladin. “You boggle my brain, you know that?” Kiki said.

  “Thanks!” Zhu answered before James could.

  ”I can feel some of what you’ve been through.” She said. “Been able to for a while. You, specifically, are such a blend to me. You fight, you kill even, but you never stop giving people chances. I can almost see it getting you killed one day.” She didn’t stop talking as she shook her head at him. “But you know that too, and you don’t stop. You’re so eager to be changed, but you know why I’m scared, because you’re scared of it too. Scared that you’re corrupting people, scared that you’re ruining something special and replacing it with just what you want.”

  ”I was.” James said. “I still am, in a way. But… Kiki how many camracondas have you talked to?”

  ”A few.” She said.

  ”I used to think I was screwing up their culture, by inviting them to the Order.” James said. “Which was, I have been informed, mostly by them, very stupid. When you have something to offer, and people want to take that offer, it’s really shitty to turn around and treat them like babies who can’t make choices if they actually say yes.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder and back toward the main room. “Everyone in there is an adult, except for the pair of my people hiding under the table, and also maybe your cat, and anyone’s actual grandkids that are lurking around. The last time we did this routine, I didn’t know enough to say either way, but now? Now I do. Go and talk to them Kiki.” James didn’t make it a suggestion, but more of a command. “Especially right now, when your power isn’t out of your control, right?”

  The woman with a profile in her aura the size of a mountain flinched, and looked away. “I already know what they’re going to say.” She said.

  ”Is it, perhaps, ‘thank you and welcome back’?” James asked.

  ”Something like that.”

  ”Yeah, you have to get used to hearing that, when you keep saving people’s lives.” James stood up and dusted off the seat of his pants. “There’s no reason for you to isolate yourself. You’ve got a weird situation, and we’re handling it. That doesn’t mean you have to stop having a life.”

  ”So you keep reminding me.” Kiki glowered at him and Zhu alike, as if trying to psychically irritate them for refusing to kill her when she’d asked. “You just won’t listen, will you?”

  James gave her a sympathetic glance, before letting his gaze slip sideways to the hardy branches of a mostly bare leafy plant that curled up from the ground like claws. “I’m listening. I’m disagreeing, but I’m listening.” He said. “We could go in circles all day, again, if you want. But I think you’ve been around us long enough to see that a world where people enjoy beneficial mental effects can exist. I mean hell, you grew up in an era where beer was more popular than water.”

  ”Are you saying I’m like beer?” Zhu asked, not sure if he should be amused or indignant and so splitting the difference with just plain old confusion.

  Kiki gave an undignified huff. ”Yeah, don’t try to tell me your friends are alcoholic. You kids are weird enough without adding that to your mix.”

  ”What I am trying to say…” James sighed, and turned a sad attempt at a smile back on Kiki, “what I am trying to say is that you are allowed to make other people’s lives better. It’s okay. But even with your special case, you aren’t bleeding magic right now, are you?”

  Kiki rolled her eyes, looking like a woman about to argue. ”Not yet. But it doesn’t matter much of anything, does it now? I came along to help with your hero routine, kiddo.”

  James flowed with her transparent attempt to control the conversation. “An excellent point!” He chipperly replied. “So, you’re immune to most antimemes, can feel the danger of dungeons, and personally found this one and assisted in the Northern Oklahoma Proud Grandparents Adventuring Society exploring it, and that is the single reason I asked you to come along! So with that in mind, hey Kiki, where’s the dungeon?”

  “You’re like a reverse therapist.” Zhu muttered in the smallest whisper he had in his vocal arsenal.

  The stare Kiki gave him carried the burden of having made his own grandma so upset that he was sent to bed without ice cream. And yet James weathered it, for as long as Kiki was willing to put up the mental assault that probably didn’t actually need her inhuman font of power to work.

  The feeling broke off as she turned her head away. And before James could comment on it, she gave a response that was more worrying than any potential slip of her powers. “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t know where?” James half-repeated, not sure he’d heard correctly.

  ”No it’s probably not nowhere.”

  ”I’m not getting into this routine with someone who probably saw Abbott and Costello perform live.” James stated flatly. “Kiki, where dungeon?”

  ”Nowhere dungeon.” The woman gave him a delighted grin. A grin that dropped away as she realized what she was saying. “Oh. Where dungeon?”

  ”She’s talking like you now, we’re all fucked.” Zhu informed James with grim certainty.

  Kiki snapped her fingers in the air in front of herself, like she was trying to call up her own focus. “Well that’s a bit of a humdinger.” She said with the voice of someone who had just discovered nuclear fission and was trying to downplay it. “It should be up in Goodwell. Right around where Church hits the college’s parking lot. Never seen the way in myself, I found it because it was always moving around. Not like the Underburbs, no, more like your Sewer; it had a place to be but it slid the gap around a lot. Real weird sensation, and I steered clear. It just felt like the smart thing to do, if you can believe it.”

  ”Oh I can.” James wondered sometimes how many people had been caught by the Climb’s own moving entrance. Its self-created arch of lightning sweeping unsuspecting campers into a frozen hell. He imagined that if he could feel dungeon entrances, that would feel pretty weird too. “We already had the address you gave us, but Charlie’s team didn’t find anything there. You’re saying it’s not just them missing something?”

  ”I’m saying I could walk over there and be fine.” Kiki tilted her head toward the door out of the little courtyard. “Well, maybe I’d try flying. Easier on the knees, and it’s a ways away.”

  “Kiki, I know being a not-pillar makes you more inclined toward cryptic comments than even my own dumb ass.” James said. “But to be clear… there’s no dungeon here?”

  ”Well not that one. There’s a few other spots I’d steer clear of, but they’re usually big ranges. A few miles doesn’t sound like a lot, but you’d be surprised how dense a place can be.”

  James thought back to Alice and Charlie complaining about high quantities of doors, back in Utah, and nodded. “Wait, so, there’s a few other dungeons… in this state?”

  ”Kiddo, I’m magic, I’m not a geographer. The superpowers don’t obey state lines. There’s three other dungeons somewhere within instinct range. When I’m visiting your friend and her favorite Attic, I can feel your other three dungeons from there too, if that helps.”

  ”It d- three?” James stumbled, then recovered. This was only news to him, it had to be. Sarah would already know, at least. The dungeon density was just higher than he’d expected. “No, no. That’s a problem for future James. Okay. So if the threat you can feel more clearly is gone, that means it’s either really mobile, like the Underburbs, and we need to get on that now, or… it’s gone. But that doesn’t explain why everyone forgot the other dungeons they were delving!”

  Zhu tapped at his side in contemplation. “Last ditch defense?” The navigator suggested. “Some kind of mental bomb?”

  ”Or an attack by the same. A Status Quo, again. We know there’s at least one more somewhere, and the fucking things pop up like weeds.” James grumbled.

  The navigator gave a growl with the texture of tires crunching gravel. “We’ve got a fix for that at least.” He said, flexing his talons and splaying out the uneven feathers splashed across James’ side. “Do you think Research had enough chemistry degrees now to build us a really big bomb?”

  ”The other option,” James ignored that question, “is that it’s a pillar. Blitz and Lloyd both kill dungeons, as far as we know. Or it’s someone new.”

  ”Or something new!” Zhu added.

  Kiki looked between the two of them, made easy by the fact that one of the two conversationalists was wrapped around the other. “You two really are something.” She said with a shake of her head. “So, fearless leader, what’s the plan now? Still want these old bones along?”

  ”What? Oh.” James shrugged. “Well, since I am apparently in charge, I’m giving you a vacation. Go hang out with your friends.”

  ”We talked about this.”

  ”You talked about this. I’m overruling you for your own sanity.” James told her. “Besides, do you have ‘somewhere to be’ right now?” He raised his eyebrows, as he just directly asked her if her pillar empowerment was pulling her away or compelling her into action.

  Kiki frowned, in a way that shifted across her face as she thought through the answer. “No.” She said eventually. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

  ”At the very least, rescue TQ from your cat.”

  ”Oh, that little shit isn’t my cat.”

  ”Everyone who loves a specific cat says that.” Zhu waved backward as James took the two of them back into the less windy interior of the school.

  _____

  James stepped out of the SUV that was moving some of their people around the area. Zhu was having a great time trawling the barely maintained side streets lined with mile after mile of farmland separated by rows of vegetation and drainage ditches, but James kind of just wished he was the one doing the driving, or else teleporting everywhere.

  The reason why they weren’t teleporting everywhere made itself known an instant after his boot hit dusty tarmac; a keening wail split the air - and almost his eardrums too - as some kind of brown furred worm thing exploded out of the vines around the nearby ditch and launched itself at James’ face, a gnarled horn jutting out of its head aimed right for his eye.

  Unwilling to give up the eye James had just spent a lot of effort replacing with an upgraded version, he decided to not just stand there and take it. Instead, he stood there, and let Zhu grab around the width of the creature, mostly halting it in place even though the navigator struggled to apply leverage in opposition to the flying attack. While it struggled to twist and snap overlapping incisors at James, he puffed out a Breath and let an extra arm of sharpened ice form out of his arm alongside Zhu’s. Flexing new fingers he could barely feel through, James dropped the drone he was holding and used his off hand to help hold the creature in place as his new icy limb spiked it through its skull.

  He had been trying to attack it, sure, but not just spear through it; James maybe had underestimated the artificial strength of the ice limb. It died with a twitch, the wail rapidly gurgling to a stop. Holding it away from himself, James and Zhu set the body down on the ground as he let his new arm snap off and tossed the melting ice into the ditch, keeping the blood mostly off his coat.

  ”Holy shit.” Dance said from behind James in the SUV. “Did anyone see that?!”

  “He does that.” Anesh stepped up next to his boyfriend, his eyes sweeping the area around them. “I suppose. Are you alright?” He asked James softly.

  ”Fine, fine.” James said, only just catching up to the fact that he was going to have to admit that Nate’s reflex training was working. Which meant more training, probably. “Take a look at this little nightmare.” He offered.

  The thing that had tried to murder James, when laid out and inspected closer, looked more like a ferret than a worm. As thick as his arm, and maybe three feet long if it were straightened out, it was clearly not a normal animal, but it didn’t look completely fabricated like most of Officium Mundi’s life. The main differences were the sharp tipped horn, the oversized teeth, and the legs.

  James had never gotten to hang out with ferrets in real life, but he was pretty sure that actual mustelids were quadrupedal, and not normally possessed of ten sets of stubby little legs that all ended in sticky nubs. This was more like a millipede, even if no part of the dungeon creation was actually insectile.

  “It moved pretty fast.” James said as he gently set aside the loot drop that had hit the pavement when he’d killed it. “Slower than a paper pusher though, I think most people would be able to outrun one if they saw it coming.”

  ”Ambush predatory, maybe.” Anesh said, looking away from the bloodied mess of the creature’s skull. He knew it was hypocritical, but he had an easier time fighting things that looked like a dungeon had put them together to be unthinking obstacles. This just looked like an animal. And as someone who was imperfectly vegetarian, the gory scene put him off. “It also made a noise.” A noise he had heard from through the muffling of the vehicle’s door, at that. “Bit of a screamer, this one.”

  James nodded. “That’s two for two on this dungeon’s life using sound in some way.”

  ”Ah, good catch.” Anesh sighed. “It looks like someone’s pet.” He muttered as he looked back again at the shiny brown fur that seemed like the product of a professional groomer. Then his eyes kept going, to where James had gone silent standing just past the thing’s tail, and Anesh stepped up to his boyfriend. “What…” he followed where James and Zhu were pointing, down through the tall wet grass and vines that partially covered the drainage ditch, to where the member of the world’s most invasive species had been hiding out.

  There was another corpse down there. Half eaten, some bones exposed under shredded red muscle, with bugs buzzing around it like roadkill. Human. Still wearing most of an orange high-vis vest too.

  “Concerning.” TQ said sadly as he slithered up between James and Anesh, poking his head through. He continued down past them, the plate he was wearing absorbing the nettles and thorns as he balanced on the side of the trench and lowered mechanical arms to search pockets. “Dance may not want to see.” He added.

  James turned and saw the other camraconda leaving their vehicle. “Hey, yeah, maybe keep back.” He told her.

  ”It’s fine.” Dance said with none of her usual sarcasm. “I mean, don’t tell mom or anything. But I’ve seen dead people before.” She slid into TQ’s place and peeked down past the blue-grey camraconda. “Oh yeah! That’s a dead body alright! See? I can totally identify stuff.”

  The wind picked up enough to nearly hit TQ in the head with a low tree branch as he extricated himself, James kneeling down and offering an arm that the camraconda slid against before being tugged back up the slope. “I wish you did not know that.” He said to Dance, before handing over a wallet to James. “I find death personally unpleasant.”

  ”Same.” James murmured as he peeled open the wallet that had been crusted closed with dried blood. “Marshall Jennings. Local driver’s license. Restaurant punch cards. Cash is here, he wasn’t robbed. Must be from around here, there's... nothing but farms for twenty miles.” James shaded his eyes and swept his sight around the few buildings he could see nearby on the mostly flat terrain.

  ”Aren’t marshals your country’s local interpol? Some kind of border-free bobbies?” Anesh asked.

  ”No, the name Marshall. Though yes, marshals are a law enforcement branch. You know that really grim tidbit of history about how most law enforcement branches in the US were founded to do something evil, and only kind of lucked into being useful later? Well, the marshals were founded to be useful, and then promptly interpreted that as being pathetically incapable of not being slave hunters.” James closed the wallet, having recorded the information he needed, and put it into a plastic bag before setting it in the console of their car. “This is a tangent. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

  Zhu’s central eye on James’ shoulder gave Anesh a knowing look. “Adrenaline.” He explained.

  TQ bobbed in a nod. “I should try that some day.” He said.

  ”…what?” James asked.

  ”Adrenaline. It seems to be a fascinating experience. I would like to try it.” TQ elaborated. “Not now though, as recreational drugs while on the job are irresponsible. What is our next step?”

  ”Slide.” Dance tried to correct.

  ”Our next… move,” James didn’t bother to hide his grin, “is to keep up what we had planned. Check the farm, check the area… where’s my drone?” He looked around and found where he’d lost it on the side of the road when he’d been attacked, and stooped to pick it up. “Hope that Charlie’s trip to the governor goes well. Establish a perimeter so things don’t get worse. You know, normal stuff.” He sighed.

  As he sighed, he mentally slipped his mind into the program built into his trusty skulljack braid, like a handshake in thought form. The drone James tossed into the air was joined by another one a second later, his aerial eyes giving him a good view of the flattened dirt surrounding the buildings and neatly tilled fields ahead. There was motion in those fields; small shapes moving underneath the cover of the early winter vegetation. James took a second to close his physical eyes and orient the viewpoints of both drones so he wouldn’t have to figure out which way was left every time he checked.

  When he opened his eyes, it was to see that Dance was still staring down at the dead man in the drainage ditch, and Anesh and TQ were quietly talking nearby. Both of them had retrieved weapons from the trunk and were watching the farm field alertly as they chatted. It was strange to see people having a conversation about something casual while they were holding guns, but James supposed that was just what life was going to be like while they were sweeping this border line between mundane Oklahoma, and the dungeon-occupied-zone.

  “Hey how come I don’t have drones?” Dance asked as James straightened the sleeves of his coat and headed toward the hollow metal tubes of the gate laid across where the farm’s long driveway intersected the road. “I’d be so cool with drones! I could wear one as a hat, and it would look like it was part of me, and then surprise! A drone! Bam!” The camraconda chattered as she kept up with him, but James saw how she swept her gaze across the space on the other side of the gate, just like TQ and Anesh did. Well, not exactly the same way; more curiosity and less of a tactical measure, but she was effectively splitting her attention between the babbling and the scouting.

  James pulled the gate back, on edge in case something jumped them again, but the area remained mostly calm. “What kind of drone goes bam?” He asked.

  ”I guess any that you can hit something with fast enough?” Dance cocked her head back. “Or an explosive drone! Like a bomb with wings!”

  Zhu held up a talon in a questioning motion. ”Which you would wear as a hat?”

  ”Yeah! I’m cool enough there’s no way that would ever backfire on me!”

  They started moving back to the car, perhaps a little faster than a casual pace since James knew this particular field was a little infested and he didn’t want to have his back turned for too long. “Dance do you know what ‘hubris’ is?”

  ”Charlie says I have a lot of it which I choose to believe means I’m getting a high score.” The camraconda girl declared.

  ”Why don’t you have an actual hat?” James asked as he got back in the car, the others entering the vehicle too with Anesh and TQ taking opposite sides and rolling windows down in case they had to fire on something. It felt… wrong. Wrong to be this on edge outside of a dungeon. Like they’d rolled into a warzone all of a sudden. It was no secret that James was hoping for a singular solution somewhere in the heart of this mess, but if even Kiki had lost track of the dungeon, it was looking more and more like this was going to be a big problem. Big in terms of scale, if not urgency. James shoved that fear down, resolved to do something at least, and kept talking. “Like you’d probably look suave with one of those Irish flat caps.”

  ”Charlie laughed at me when I asked for a fedora.” Dance said. “Jokes on him! I have a secret stash!”

  Zhu poked James. “Hey now I kinda want a hat.” He said, swiveling an eye to Dance. “Can I tap into that stash? As a friend?”

  “James. James focus.” Anesh said. “We’re surrounded by small wildlife that wants to kill us. I know as an American you might be comfortably familiar with this situation, but I’d like to know what we’re doing.”

  James chuckled at his boyfriend as he took control of the wheel and eased the gas to steer them onto private property and down the farm road. “Sorry. Serious now. Beasties in the fields, so be alert. But the house had movement at the windows, and it looks like it’s been boarded up. Could be people. So let’s check it out, and make sure they’re safe.”

  ”They may not appreciate our presence.” TQ commented. “Especially how some of us look.”

  ”You aren’t-“

  The camraconda continued unimpeded. ”Anesh is the wrong color for this social setting.”

  ”Oh you knob.” Anesh said, though he was laughing as he did so. Holding a hand up, he took his eyes off the passing fields to look back at TQ. “Look, I can shift around a bit for today. Maybe make myself an albino. Would that help, you presume?”

  ”I wish I had that power.” TQ hissed regretfully. “I cannot know what it is like to be orange.”

  ”We have that orb. You have a stipend.” Anesh reminded him, shifting his skin back to its correct tone. “You can only pretend you don’t have choices for so long. I know your game, TQ, because I live with James and I’ve seen this pattern.”

  James stoically kept his eyes pinned to the windshield, ignoring both Zhu and Dance giving him curious and sassy stares. “Oh look. A pickup truck.” He said blandly as they slowly rolled down the bumpy road, closing on the parked vehicle that was in the packed dirt used as a throughway for trucks and tractors off to the side of the crops. “What a… nice… distraction…” he went quite as he let the SUV slow in its forward momentum, eyes sweeping across the truck with its driver side door torn open and the shallow gashes of claw marks running down its side.

  The group went quiet as they kept on toward the farm. It wasn’t very far from the main road, they didn’t have a huge distance to travel. Just far enough that the gate and the intersection it covered were barely still in view. James didn’t recognize what they were growing here, but he assumed if it weren’t November then the plants would be tall enough to fully block out the line of sight; not because of any plant instinct or old skill rank, but more because that seemed like the sort of thing that would make life harder and that was just how he felt the universe was pointed lately.

  The house was boarded up. More than that, it had been frantically barricaded; the front door looked like it was half splinters, but James saw furniture braced on the other side holding the gap. The windows, at least on the ground floor, were similarly covered, though from upstairs he saw shapes moving and the out of place shape of a gun barrel.

  ”Dance, stay down.” James said. This was supposed to be simple recon, and he was pretty sure Alice and Charlie would actually murder him if he let the camraconda get hurt. And on that note; “Actually everyone stay down.” He directed back into the rear seats.

  ”While you do not do that, correct?” TQ asked.

  James flashed him a smile. “Yes. If anything tries to kill me then please save my life.”

  ”I followed you here because it was simple and I was going to make jokes.” TQ hissed out a sibilant sigh. “I cannot take you anywhere.”

  ”James I love you but how did you ever survive to your thirties?”

  ”Not many things in vaguely suburban Oregon actually try to kill a person, so I got lucky there for a couple decades.” James said with a grunt as he popped his door open and stepped out again, alert for anything charging him from the shredded remains of a vegetable garden off to the left of the front door.

  This place looked like it could have been pleasant, not too long ago. The little garden, the scattering of plastic toys around the house combined with a space by the front porch where what were clearly the very best sticks had been laid out like spears in an armory, the general care the house seemed like it had. This was someone’s home, even if it was also a business.

  The front porch steps creaked as James walked up it, boots on study old wood that had some new scars in it. He heard, from inside the house, the sound of someone racing downstairs but trying to keep it quiet. And then the voice..

  ”What are you doing?!” A woman hissed at him. “Trying to kill all of us? Get out of here!”

  James kept his voice low, and slowly raised his hands as he saw that rifle barrel sticking through the gap between a cabinet and a couch. “We were originally here to check up on things, but I think you already know how that’s going.” He said as quietly as he could and know he was still being heard. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

  ”They’re going to hear you!” She whispered sharply. “Leave or I’ll shoot!”

  ”If you shoot they’ll definitely hear you.” Zhu pointed out.

  James closed his eyes and sighed. “Right. Thanks Zhu.” He said, keeping his arms raised at his sides. “Look, you know it’s not safe here. You can’t stay barricaded up forever; come with us, we’ll at least get you somewhere with fewer killer rabbits.”

  ”Darryl tried that, and didn’t make it to the road!” Her whisper held the edge of vicious despair. “At least here we’ve got a chance.”

  ”I don’t think you do.” James said as he lowered his arms, shifting so he wasn’t standing directly in her line of fire, and also so he could see the edge of the porch. His drones were spotting movement. “Look, we have a limited window to get you and your family into the car. I know I’m asking a lot, but if you trust me, I swear we will get you out of here safe.” James stressed as he unholstered his pistol and took aim at where one of the bone-scythe rabbits was about to pop its head out of the farm’s winter crop.

  He saw something move in the window next to the door, a blue and white patterned curtain pulling back from one of the gaps in the blocked glass to reveal a human woman’s face. James noted her intake of breath as she saw Zhu’s feathers moving across his arm. “What are you?” She asked, voice coming through the broken glass.

  ”Short on time.” James answered. “And so are you. Things are about to get loud.” He warned her.

  ”Kids!” The woman’s word, spoken at a normal volume, was basically the same as a full throated bellow for the way it attracted attention. “Get your shoes on, this nice man is going to give us a ride!”

  James shot a message back to Anesh, and then grimaced as the louder thudding of feet from inside drew the attention of the caerbannog that peeked its head over the edge of the porch and locked beady red eyes on James. “You’re being surrounded.” Zhu muttered to him. “Where do you want me?”

  ”Watch our back.” James said, and cracked off a shot that took the killer rabbit’s head off.

  The woman at the door, who was moving to shove furniture aside, screamed sharply and froze at the gunfire. “No!” She wailed as she realized what James had done. “You idiot!”

  ”In my defense, a porch is a much more defensible position than I normally get for this kind of thing!” James said, shifting his arm slightly, matching his position to his drone’s overhead view, feeding everything through his Aim, and then firing another shot that maimed a grey furred dungeon creature that was bounding in smooth arcs through the field toward the house. “Is there anyone else on the property?” He asked quickly as the woman resumed shoving the barricade away. “The barn, or something?”

  ”No, no one showed up the day this started.” She yelled back. James asked her a couple more simple questions, things they didn’t need to really know, just to keep her talking and focused as she opened up a path for herself and her kids. “Will we all fit in your car?” She asked as she toppled a stacked dresser with a crash of wood, and finished making a tiny gap for them to leave through.

  James glanced her way, and saw four kids ranging from maybe five to fourteen years old behind her. ”We’ll make it work!” He said.

  As he shifted to let them start leaving, gunfire erupted from the SUV. Anesh was standing out in the open, spraying bullets into multiple moving targets, while TQ was staying in the vehicle, though both doors were hanging open. As James added to the shooting, he got a tap from behind. “Gun please!” Zhu said, prompting James to bend his arm backward in a way humans shouldn’t be able to, slapping the pistol into Zhu’s talons and hearing the report of three shots before it was returned to his palm. He reloaded it from the gun bracelet he was wearing, keeping it lowered as he rose from his crouch.

  ”Okay guys! Let’s play a game!” James said loudly for the kids that were frozen in the door. “First person to the car gets to sit up front with the magic snake! Sound good?”

  ”W-what snake?” One of the young boys looked more interested than afraid.

  At the words, TQ shoved half his body out of the window, his weapon mount arm pack that he’d borrowed from Spire-Cast-Behind braced against his side and letting him lay down suppressive fire over Anesh’s head. As the dungeon rabbits began to filter out of the plants in ones and twos, the closest to them would constantly freeze before one of the duo ripped it apart with bullets, TQ’s camera lens eye glinting with reflected sunlight as he twisted and moved, the crack of rapid gunfire forcing the paladin to speak up. “Not that one!” James shouted. “Ready to run?”

  The question was rhetorical. There was a gap in the dungeon life coming their direction, and there wasn’t going to be a better time, especially since the noise seemed to have attracted a ton of the things. James was losing count rapidly, and he mentally directed his drones in for a rapid landing on the SUV so he had a chance at grabbing them in a moment.

  Working in sync with his human partner, Zhu tapped the first kid on the shoulder. “Go for it!” The navigator’s vibrant voice said, feathers flaring as he pointed the child toward the car. It wasn’t a long run, but there was a clear terror present in these people who had been trapped in their own house for who-knew how long.

  The kid started running, and made it without issue just as the two knights at the car stopped shooting, a sudden absence of targets. Anesh grabbed one of James’ drones out of the air and threw it into the car as he made eye contact with his boyfriend and nodded at the jerk of James’ head, circling to the driver’s seat and making sure they were ready to go.

  When the younger pair of kids reached the car, James met their mom’s eyes. “Okay, let’s be quick.” He said as she pushed her way out of what was left of her house’s partly blocked front door. “Make sure your safety is on, and don’t shoot the camracondas.”

  ”I know how to use a gun.” She snapped, her grip on the rifle a white knuckled one.

  James eyed it carefully, and considered setting one of his shield bracers to the .22 bullets it was probably using, but then considered that he was probably capable of being shot in the head by that thing at close range and walking it off. “Okay. Go, we’ve got you covered, make sure your kids are buckled in.” James nudged her and sent her running, the woman taking off like she’d done a marathon sometime in her life. Possibly last week.

  He was right behind her, sliding in the dirt next to the car and slamming the rear door on the now crowded back seat. James didn’t get in himself, instead grabbing the bike rack on the roof with his off hand, and bracing himself on the runner. Zhu, perfect being that he was, caught James‘ other drone as it threatened to tumble off the roof, while James kept his gun pointed behind them as Anesh pulled the world’s least elegant U-turn and accelerated them away from the silent wave of grey fur and sharpened white bone that was flooding around the farm’s buildings behind them.

  As they got clear, James holstered the pistol with a hand that would probably start shaking in a minute or so. But for the moment, he just felt an almost placid calm at the whole situation. With the rear window rolled down, he leaned his head down and called into the car. “Everyone doing alright?”

  ”What are you?” The kids’ mother was asking TQ, pressing herself away from the camraconda and trying to pull her youngest son away too as TQ let half his body coil on the car’s floor to give them more space to cram in.

  Raising his boxy head from where he was checking the gun clutched in his armature, TQ gave a slight hiss. “I am out of ammunition.” He said. “Will this be a problem, or are we done risking our rental vehicle today?”

  ”Yeah, Anesh, get us back to the-!” James grunted out a gasp of breath as Anesh slammed the front bumper into a dungeon creation that had tried to slice through the front tire. His grip almost slipped, but Zhu’s talons layered over his fingers and they held on tighter together. “My skeleton…” James gasped.

  ”Getting us out of here.” Anesh said tightly. “Mark that part of the map as occupied. How did we get surrounded like that?” He asked as they sped up on the main road, getting clear of the majority of the pack that gave up their chase pretty quickly behind the car. “That was too many. Didn’t you spot them?” He called back to James.

  James didn’t answer, mostly because he could barely hear over the wind. Anesh seemed to have either forgotten that he was outside the car, or else assumed that James was just capable of making that a non-issue, which wasn’t exactly true.

  He wasn’t planning to hold on the whole way back, instead deciding he’d get Anesh to let him out at the upcoming rest stop so he could poke around while his boyfriend drove the family back to relative safety. He could always teleport away if needed; they had strenuously tested telepads here just to be safe, and while conserving the tool was always a good idea, he had the option if needed.

  There was something going on here. Something James couldn’t see the outline of yet. But something that set his growing paladin instincts on edge.

  He just needed to throw himself into things deep enough to find a thread to start pulling.

  From inside the car, he caught a fragment of conversation over the whipping wind. “Are you an alien?” A young boy asked one of the camracondas.

  “Yep! I’m invading and taking all the cool rocks!” Dance answered back.

  James smiled as Anesh started to slow down to let him get off the SUV’s exterior and stop risking dramatic exfoliation if he lost his grip. “Everywhere we go, it’s the same thing.” He murmured.

  ”People to rescue and days to save?” Zhu asked with a revving chuckle, the thick manifested tail he had behind them keeping their shared body balanced as James dropped to the pavement with wobbling steps. “At least we’re driving this time!”

  ”And it’s not like it’s boring.” James added. “Okay. Let’s see if we can get through today without getting eaten.”

  ”Again.”

  ”Again, ye- wait no. That hasn’t happened yet.”

  ”Oh, then there’s still plenty to do before it risks getting old, huh?”

  He sent Anesh and the others on their way, getting them back into the thin but constant traffic of the highway that cut across the northern chunk of this state, while he and Zhu started walking. Every telepad James had on his person got double checked, so that when the place he wanted to check out also turned out to be full of animals with too many sharp bits, they’d be ready to blip away.

  It was just a quick check, James told himself, and also Zhu. Of course, that was what they’d said about the five mile stretch of family owned farms. Just a quick check, to make sure they were outside the affected area. And that quick check had taken five minutes to turn into an evacuation.

  So James strolled down the unpaved side of the highway turnoff toward a rest stop, at this point fully expecting to find a hundred abandoned vehicles and some kind of monster bear to fight.

  ”It has been that sort of day so far.” Zhu added to his thoughts, as they went on the hunt for an answer.

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