[Feat Achieved! Heavy Handed Recruitment]

  [+1 Silver Gacha Ticket]

  I was still giggling as we stepped out of the lounge and into the street. “Did you see his face? Oh my God. That was perfect.”

  “Yeah…” Harvey muttered around his cigar, doing his best not to stare too openly at our new “guardian.”

  The gargoyle was hard to ignore. It towered over everyone as it followed a few steps behind us. I’d left one behind as a “gift” of cooperation for Penguin. Watching a man desperately want to refuse but physically fail to do so had been hirious. To be fair, he’d reluctantly agreed once I pointed out how useful it would be as a bodyguard.

  “Not to be a downer,” Harvey said, smoke curling from his lips, “but you know Cobblepot’s gonna betray us the second he gets the chance. That jumped-up priss isn’t built to work with ‘plebs.’”

  “Oh, I totally agree.” I fshed a gawking teen recording us with a bright smile as we walked past. “The important word there is when. I wasn’t joking about his investments, and I’m sure our good buddy can keep him in line long enough for us to set some ground rules.”

  I reached back and patted the gargoyle affectionately. A couple of embers puffed from its mouth in response.

  Kind of cute, actually.

  Harvey looked at me like I was insane. “I wasn’t gonna say anything, but… what the fuck is that? How did you even get those things?”

  “You probably won’t believe me.” I ughed. “But I have no fucking idea. Honestly, things are only going to get weirder from here on out. So if you want to back out, now’s your chance.”

  He paused, staring at the gargoyle looming behind us. Slowly, he pulled out his coin and flipped it. I didn’t catch which side it nded on.

  “…Fuck.”

  Two-Face sounded genuinely depressed about the result.

  I snorted and slung an arm around his shoulders. “You and me against the world, Harvey!”

  The gargoyle seemed to take that as a cue. It bent down, scooped both of us up, and settled us onto its broad shoulders like we weighed nothing.

  I didn’t know what it said about my life that Two-Face was more afraid of me than I was of… whatever this was.Ah, who gives a shit?I simply smiled as I looked towards the silver ticket floating in my mind.

  [Rolling Silver Gacha Ticket]

  [Meet Cute]

  |Uncommon Trait|

  As you go about your daily life, you are far more likely to encounter romantic interests in favorable situations.

  Geh.

  Uh… that wouldn’t synergize with the crazy dy trait, right?

  I considered it for a moment, then waved the thought away.

  Nah… it’ll be totally fine.

  I shoved the notification aside and went back to outlining our next moves with Harvey as the gargoyle carried us down the street.

  —The next couple of days blurred together.

  Our shaky little partnership with Penguin had started rough, but his joining the Union ended up benefiting everyone. Putting my swelling manpower to work defending his holdings was paying off fast. I made sure he was compensating the boys properly, even if he grumbled about it every time we spoke. The results shut him up better than any argument I could’ve made.

  Retively safe work, steady paychecks, and clear leadership did wonders for morale. Unity climbed even higher after I announced that Penguin and Two-Face had formally joined the Union. The news spread in whispers at first, then in excited murmurs.

  Frankly, it was getting absurd.

  I’d asked Harvey to start drafting the Union’s rules and structure, and somehow that had turned into people calling me the “miracle fixer” for making him “sane.” Others were ciming I’d personally stormed Penguin’s operations and beaten down his entire gang solo. A few of the weirder cult-leaning guys were even preaching that I was some kind of criminal messiah with magic powers.

  I gnced at the gargoyle standing guard in the mansion hallway.

  Okay. Maybe not completely unfounded.

  Still, even with the success, dealing with Gotham was exhausting. A few rge-scale schemes from the usual lunatics had fred up around the city. Nothing that required my direct attention yet, thankfully. But I wasn’t satisfied with just stabilizing things.

  I wouldn’t stop until I remade Gotham into what I wanted it to be.

  But today? Today I was off duty.

  Perks of being the boss. I had a top-shelf bottle of wine someone had pilfered for me and a disgustingly huge pack of Oreos.

  The mansion I’d hijacked from Riddler came with a ridiculous suite and a bathroom that looked like it belonged in a luxury spa. The mansion was so massive that even with hundreds of people inside, it still felt half empty. So I could get some much-needed peace and quiet.

  It was time to rex.

  “Sauna time~” I sang, swinging open the suite door.

  Standing there, tall and poised, was a woman with long ginger hair and vibrant green skin. Steam curled around her lithe frame, droplets sliding over smooth shoulders. A thin bath towel clung to her body, technically preserving her modesty, though it did very little to hide the curvy frame beneath it.

  My eyes trailed down her back, taking in the view.

  “Nice.”

  “Harls, I told you to keep the door closed, the breeze is—” Poison Ivy turned around and froze.

  There was a brief, shared silence.

  “Oreo?” I offered helpfully, holding up the cookie.

  A whip of vines snapped out from one of the decorative potted trees and wrapped around me in an instant, hauling me into the air like I weighed nothing.

  “Harley!” Ivy snapped toward the bathroom. “I thought you said this pce was empty!”

  “It was! I checked!” came the reply.

  Then Harley Quinn stepped into view.

  Pale skin, blonde hair still damp from the shower, slim but undeniably curvy. She was also very much naked.

  “Nice.”Poison Ivy seemed to remember I was still there and tossed a towel at Harley. “You clearly didn’t check hard enough.”

  The vines shifted, lifting me higher into the air. Honestly? This was kind of fun.

  “Whoops.” Harley stuck out her tongue and shot Ivy a pyful look. The green-skinned woman just sighed before turning her attention back to me.

  “Can I come down?” I tried to take a bite of my Oreo, but being bound midair made that difficult.

  Poison Ivy frowned, clearly about to say something.

  “Wait, you’re the new guy!” Harley bounced closer, squinting at me. “I heard about you. You’ve got the same name after that one book—”

  “Les Misérables,” I finished for her. “Jean Valjean at your service.”

  “You’re a crime boss named Jean Valjean?” Ivy asked.

  “I don’t fail to see the irony,” I replied. “Though ‘Union Leader’ is the more preferred term these days.” I fshed both of them a toothy grin. “Sooo… can I come down? I was hoping to chill in my mega bath. I’ve got top-quality alcohol and Oreos to share, if you’d be so kind.”

  “Do you even own this pce?” Harley plucked the Oreo from my hand and took a bite.

  “Finders keepers,” I said, grinning as best I could while waving the little bottle of alcohol. Harley snatched that too, giving an appreciative whistle.

  “You seem awfully calm for a man in your situation,” Ivy observed. She raised a hand, and the vines hoisted me even higher. A few more slithered into view near my head in what was clearly meant to be a threat.

  “I see. That’s how it is…” I said solemnly.

  Her shoulders lifted slightly, thinking she’d finally scared me.

  “My body is ready. Do as you please.”

  “…What?” Ivy froze.

  “I was never really a BDSM kind of guy,” I continued thoughtfully, “but hey, I’m open-minded. Should I call you Pnt Queen, or—”

  Harley burst into loud ughter. “Oh my God, you do sound like a BDSM girl!”

  “I do not!” Ivy snapped, turning to screech at Harley.“Green Queen, the BDSM Queen,” I added helpfully.Harley practically wheezed. “Green Queen… hahaha!”

  “AHHH!” Poison Ivy’s face flushed as she unched herself at Harley.

  Apparently deciding I was no longer worth the effort, the pnts abruptly flung me across the room. I nded on one of the couches with a soft thud.Not how I’d expected to rex this evening.

  I grabbed another Oreo from the package and took a bite.

  Across the room, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn were now mock-wrestling in bath towels.Honestly? I wasn’t compining.

  ***

  ***Comments and Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Likes are like a drug to me and boost my creative juices.

  I have advanced chapters if you wanna read ahead.