【40.】

  My relationship with Shen Duan has always been ambiguous. In his eyes, it seems to be a way of showing his determination towards being together, and he has never pressured me or made me feel any pressure about this matter. And as a girl, I would never take the initiative. So overall, our relationship is relatively pure.

  He was in his third year of high school and I was in my third year of university. He had mentioned before that he wanted to go back to Beijing and asked me to follow him. I've forgotten how I replied at the time, but it was probably a refusal. It wasn't until the second semester of his third year of high school and my third year of university that this matter was brought up again.

  Shen Duan means I should go to Beijing for graduate studies, but I have my own thoughts. Graduate studies are good, but I know my own weight and abilities. Taking the entrance exam is not a trivial matter, it's not something you can just casually talk about and achieve.

  Because of this, we've had more than one unpleasant argument. Each time ended in discord, but I've also reflected on myself - Shen Zong's actions weren't solely for the sake of being with me. Although he's younger than me, his social skills are far more mature. Everyone knows what benefits come from taking the postgraduate exam; just like how attending university doesn't guarantee a job, but it's an essential part of life that can't be skipped. The same goes for pursuing further studies - in today's society, having a higher education can only be beneficial, not detrimental.

  A year ago, I had helped the instructor run errands to the dean's office. Today, sitting here again, the awkward appearance of myself at that time still seems to be in front of my eyes.

  The principal still had a kind and gentle look on his face, smiling at me with his eyes narrowed: "Liu Jia..."

  He just called out my name and then looked down at my file.

  "My grades aren't bad."

  It's not very good either... I silently supplemented it in my heart.

  "Unity among classmates..."

  Only gossiping about others in private... My heart is wailing.

  "The Dean looked up: 'Is that all?'"

  Uh...

  I nodded stupidly: "That's all."

  Don't blame me for being inexperienced, it's just that things happened suddenly. I only had a rough idea about taking the postgraduate exam, and sitting in the dean's office today was also inexplicable to me. Every year, so many people take the exam, but I've never seen the dean talk to them one by one!

  "Although your information is only this much..." The dean put his hands together on the table, still with a smiling old man image "But I have been entrusted by an old friend."

  He smiled at me until I was stunned and didn't know what to say. A lot of information flashed through my mind in an instant, an old friend?

  Du Bin or Shen Diao?

  "The school now has a few places for direct PhD admission, and by rights, we should choose students who excel in their studies." said the Dean.

  I hastily nodded in agreement, this is the truth and cannot be denied.

  "But there is a student here... who had already signed up. However, he had originally applied for and received a full scholarship abroad, so he no longer needs this quota."

  It wasn't until I heard this that I finally realized, so that's what it meant...

  I have never experienced such a thing, at this moment I don't know what to say, so I continue to remain silent, the less said the better.

  The dean paused for a moment, seeing that I didn't have the tendency to communicate, and then spoke again: "In short, this is a rare opportunity. I hope you can make the most of it through your own efforts."

  It wasn't until now that I somewhat understand the meaning of this conversation. Firstly, this opportunity is not easy to come by, and many people are probably eyeing it. As a relatively unknown person who managed to get in, I'm sure the dean must be under a lot of pressure too, so before this, we can't make too much noise about it. We can't let too many people know about this news. Secondly, it's saying that I should review well myself, although I was exempt from exams, I estimate there will still be some entrance exams and whatnot... isn't that something Chinese schools are good at?

  Looking back on that period of time, it was really quite devilish. Every day was no different from being in the third year of high school. Liu Xin reviewed her lessons every night until 11:30 PM, during which she had to drink two cups of coffee. I did advanced math problems until 1:30 AM, during which I had to drink countless cups of coffee. Later, my mom bought me a huge space cup that could hold five bags for one night, and by the end, it was a bit cold. I gritted my teeth and gulped it all down, the cold coffee like medicine. Sometimes when I was feeling down, I would cry while drinking coffee.

  My QQ signature has also been changed to: Crying while drinking coffee.

  Numerous impure thoughts of children have led them to ask me if I've had a breakup.

  It's better if it's just a breakup!

  Fortunately, there is a creature called BFF in life. Whenever I'm heartbroken, Tao Hao always calls me. Later, I couldn't help but ask her: "How do you always appear so timely? You don't care about me at ordinary times!"

  She calmly said: "I choose to listen selectively to the first sentence."

  "Get out!"

  "Hey, girl." She suddenly became serious. "Don't be so tense, it's just a trivial matter. Don't exhaust yourself to the point of collapse, is it worth it?"

  Afraid of turning happy into unhappy.

  "Your life has had so many setbacks, what's one more?"

  "I angrily said: 'You bastard, isn't it that you're not sleeping at midnight just to strike me?'"

  She yawned: "As for this... it's indeed the case."

  "See? I knew it! You're just being lazy!"

  "Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk." She said with a tone of great disgust. "Come quickly and let the young man see what kind of shrew you are, then we'll see if he still dares to want you."

  Speaking of Shen Duan...

  "Ah... actually I'm going to Beijing..."

  "Oh, I know!"

  The words hadn't been spoken yet, but were interrupted. As expected... I knew it.

  Although this sounds like a joke, it's not reliable and embarrassing. But I'm serious about wanting to have a future with Shen Zhong, so I'll work hard for it. Even if my foundation is poor, I won't give up. Because I want to rely on my own efforts to gain love, I want my love and life to become rich and meaningful. Shen Zhong's family background is dazzling and desirable.

  But in some things, I really don't want to rely on him.

  From start to finish, my stubbornness has made Shen Zhong both love and hate me. This temper of mine has indeed delayed many things, but I have never regretted my persistence and faith.

  Love is important, but I don't want to sacrifice my own dignity.