I pressed my thumb to the bioscanner, unlocking the front door of our townhouse.

  “You’ll be alright outside, Auld?” Harley asked our icy companion.

  He dropped her hand, took a step back, and bowed gracefully. “A night like this is heaven for an angel such as I! Snow on the ground, frost on the breath, and monsters to keep watch for. Have no fear, Auld is here! Now, go rest in the New Year, my friends, nothing shall disturb your sleep this night.”

  I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but our warm home beckoned me forward. Kicking my boots off beside the door, I padded to the kitchen where I put the coffee monster remnants in a glass jar, secured it tightly with a lid, then stuck a hand outside to put it in the cold for Auld to watch over.

  I joined Harley in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and wishing away the events of the evening.

  Climbing under the duvet next to my wife, I pulled her to me. “Feeling alright, Har? No bruises?”

  “Ship shape, Red. Ready to sleep, for sure. Did you have fun tonight? I mean, before the magical mishaps started.”

  I’d nearly forgotten the house-pub crawl in all the excitement. “Yeah, Har, sure. It was course after course of tasty delights and endless alcohol, what’s not to love?”

  She yawned against my neck. “House after house of people.”

  “Meh. They didn’t make me talk to them, and I got to play a fun VR game, so it wasn’t so bad this year.”

  “Thanks for going with me. I had a blast. I love you, Red.”

  “I love you back.”

  The darkness of sleep pulled us under.

  Until it didn’t.

  ??

  Crash! A whoosh of cold air ripped at my face, and Harley grunted, something smashing into her chest since she was closest to the bedroom window.

  Green light ignited, surrounding my wife in a glow, and I flew into a crouch behind her, bubbles at the ready, facing the window.

  “Get ready!” a familiar deep male voice bellowed.

  “Ready for what?” Harley demanded, but there was no response.

  My wife wielded a four-foot icicle in front of her like a spear, green energy crackling down it, ready for anything. I slid on my slippers and ran to the closet, grabbed our sweatshirts and pants, pulled a pair on, and tossed a set to Harley.

  She passed me the icicle, and I stood watch at the broken window while she hurriedly dressed.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  “Whaddaya think Auld’s doing?” my wife asked.

  “Hopefully not breaking the damned window in the middle of the cursed night for no fucking reason!” I snapped.

  Harley giggled next to me, grabbing a pillow, and lacing it with green light. As I wondered what kind of weapon she’d just made with her Invento-Weapon Skill, I crept slowly towards the gaping window, holding the icicle in front of me.

  Nothing looked unusual. No black goo. No Auld.

  “I’m getting our sneakers,” Harley whispered, and came back holding out my shoes. I slipped them on and went to the window while Harley started sweeping up the broken glass.

  It was frigid outside, and that cold air pouring into the bedroom was not welcome one bit. I was starting to consider how to melt a magically created snow demon when I heard, “For auld lang syne, my dear!” Crunch!

  “For auld lang syne!” Crash!

  “We’ll take a cup of kindness, yet.” Grunt. Growl. Slosh. Squelch. Splash! “For. Auld. Lang. Syne,” spat a venomous deep voice.

  “All safe now, friends. You can come out,” Auld murmured comfortingly.

  “Harley, we need to cover this window!”

  “On it, Red!” she said, grabbing a wool blanket from the closet, zapping it with green magic, then holding up one edge to the window.

  I helped her stretch the blanket over the gaping hole, and my wife affixed the cover so no more frozen outdoors was pouring into our bedroom.

  Hand in hand, we went outside to see what Auld had been doing.

  Our yard was no longer a blanket of snow. It was a graveyard of scattered coffee grounds amidst puddles.

  “Wha—“ I started, but couldn’t finish the question.

  What I was seeing made no sense. There was dirty snow and splatters of brown all over the place, and every inch of the yard was torn up.

  “Auld, are you okay?” Harley asked.

  “Auld? What about the yard, Harley?”

  She flicked a hand, “Grass grows, Red. As soon as it warms up, I’ll get this fixed ship-shape, but it looks like there was a fight here.”

  Auld nodded, “The Murder Goo came for you, love—“

  “Hey! You cannot call her that!” I protested.

  “You stopped it, Auld? The Murder Goo? How?” Harley asked.

  “Dilution. Add water, and it’s no longer coffee. It’s something so weak as to be a mockery of food. Thus rendering it impotent.”

  “Well, impotent coffee is something no one will tolerate,” Harley giggled, and I had to chuckle myself because the idea of that giant not-man but man-shaped ice sculpture rendering a coffee monster powerless by watering it down was so ridiculous I couldn’t do anything else but laugh.

  “So, is that it? Murder Goo solved?” I asked Auld, but he shook his spiked head as his purple system messages rose before his face.

  Mission Accomplished: Delay Murder Goo

  Skill Activated: Rapid Ablation

  “Ablation?” Harley asked, confused.

  “It’s what happens as glaciers melt,” I explained. “So, you temporarily thwarted the Murder Goo by melting yourself and the snowy yard to essentially drown the coffee grounds?” I asked Auld.

  He shook his massive head. “Not drown. Dilute. The Murder Goo can’t breathe, so I didn’t cut off airflow. I just made sure it couldn’t hold cohesion—“

  “Auld!” Hayley exclaimed, hugging the big fellow. “You’re a rock star! You took down the big bad by yourself, no girl-power-ups needed!”

  He shook is head. “But I didn’t get the whole thing. In fact, I think the majority of it took off down the street, and I only de-powered the part of it that was close to your home,” he finished sorrowfully.

  “So what now? Do we go after it?” Harley asked.

  “No,” Auld and I said together.

  “Not in the dark,” I finished. It would have stealth on its side if we couldn’t see well.

  Auld agreed. “The humans should finish sleeping while the snow angel keeps watch. When the sun is up, we go monster hunting and finish this.”

  He didn’t add, “Before it gets too warm for me to stay in Seattle,” but we all knew it was a truth that couldn’t be ignored.

  Time was not on Auld’s side.