“My god, that feels better.” Zach exclaimed as he sat up, stretching, entirely undamaged from having his back used as target practice by Rough for the past hour.

  Rough had collapsed behind the curtain along with the junk that the tribe had been hoarding. Now only Purple was visible in the room filled with broken blades.

  Purple’s head twitched slightly as Zach got off the makeshift massage table.

  “We’re so glad to hear it… Is there anything else we can do for you?” Purple asked, her natural monotone voice disguising her despair.

  “Oh shit yeah, you got any idea if I’ve washed off that fuckin, demon smell or whatever? Wanna make sure I get my money’s worth.” Zach asked as he stood up with a sly smirk.

  “I know they’re scamming me, but I’ve got Demon Lord money. May as well make use of their services to get in Autumn’s good book before our date~” Zach thought with a perverted grin.

  Forest jumped into the room upon hearing another opportunity to try and bleed Zach for his money.

  “Y-yes! We actually offer a full inventory inspection and cleaning service provided by our body guard Rough!” Forest quickly stammered as she found an angle of attack. They couldn’t get him unconscious so perhaps they could have him volunteer his inventory instead.

  Zach raised an eyebrow.

  “You guys can smell my inventory? I thought it went into another dimension or whatever.”

  “W-why yes! We Beastkin have very sensitive noses.” Forest lied, the demon scent Zach had was long gone after bathing in the barely treated sewage.

  Zach shrugged.

  “Makes sense, she is scrunching her noise like I smell of death still. Been looking for an excuse to clear the junk out anyway.”

  “Easy, how much do I owe ya?”

  “5…” Forrest tried cautiously, Zach clearly had no clue which coins considering he’d been throwing Adamance around like it was chump change.

  “Seems a bit steep…” Zach pondered, he had hundreds of coins so 5 was hardly going to matter, though he’d may as well try bargaining.

  “A-actually sir it’s a very good price, you won’t find anything better in all of Porus, or Furinch!” Forest quickly retorted. Zach shrugged and threw 5 random coins at Forest, which she managed to quickly grab from the air covetously.

  “Whatever you say, I don’t wanna stink for my date.” Zach smirked, pocketing his still very large stash of gold back into his inventory.

  “J-just get changed and come back while I find Rough…” Forest squeeked, they’d already made more money today than they had the entirety of last year.

  Zach gave the small mouse woman a thumbs up before leaving the backroom and getting changed in the empty lobby.

  Forest scampered towards the curtain where Rough was still panting heavily as he rested on the hastily shoved aside mattress that had been hastily shoved on top of all of the junk they’d been hoarding for years.

  Forest pointed aggressively towards the coins they’d already got from him.

  Rough, without looking up, he simply gave a thumbs up as he grabbed some cheese to try and get some of his energy back.

  Then, after some waiting, Zach returned fully dressed to Rough, standing tall and trying to hide his exhaustion.

  “Sit down, open ya inventory up and lets have a look.” Rough demanded briskly in between panting breaths.

  “Yeah yeah alright alright.” Zach said, rolling his eyes as he opened his inventory which caused Rough to gag immediately.

  It was genuine, he could smell a lot coming from the small floating screen.

  Zach noticed this and suddenly cocked his head.

  “That bad?” Zach asked with a lopsided smirk.

  “Yesh.” Rough replied, plugging his nose as he cautiously tapped the strange inventory.

  All of the weapons had to go, not only were they caked in demon stench, they were incredibly valuable. Same with the jewellery, potions, furniture, armour, clothing and pretty much everything Rough thought he could sell.

  Zach grabbed Rough’s hand as he began carelessly taking all of the jewellery and potions in Zach’s inventory. Rough’s eyes widened as he tried and failed to rip his arm away.

  “Just so you know, if you try to pull a fast one on me I am not going to be a happy camper. So don’t even try it.” Zach demanded in an uncharacteristically gruff voice.

  “Y-y-yes sir!” Rough barked back, panicked.

  “Perfect! Now keep at it, if you guys really can smell it then I’m not risking that ruining my date.” Zach laughed, he really only had one concern at the moment and that was not screwing up this opportunity.

  “Besides, that will have definitely scared them into doing right.” Zach thought with a grin as Rough continued to empty, though much more delicately empty, Zach’s inventory for him.

  All the while Forest and Purple were desperately trying and failing to throw all of the stinking items into their magic hot spring, though the sheer quantity was too much and the water began overflowing from the pool.

  “Jesus, this Demon Lord kept a lot of shit on hand huh.” Zach thought to himself as Rough pulled a full bath tub from his inventory. Panting, Rough sat on a wall, pointing to Zach’s now nearly empty inventory.

  “I’m… not… touching… the… monsters… you can… remove those… yourself.” Rough panted as he was surrounded in a pile of Mythril ranked armour for practically every sentient species imaginable.

  Zach shrugged and placed the small balls onto the nearest surface. The balls contain miniature monsters ranging from a platoon of Orc’s, a Dithlebax, a Dragon and everything in between, all inside orange gooey spheres. Rough too a few steps back from the now incredibly dangerous massage bench.

  Zach scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

  “Fair…” Zach laughed as he looked around the room covered in the Demon Lord’s things. Zach picked up a random jewel that had been thrown on the floor, it looked valuable.

  “W-wait! You’ll just end up getting the stench on you!” Forest shouted, grabbing it out Zach’s hand and plugging her nose as she tried to find space for it in the completely overflowing hot spring. She wasn’t even trying to steal all of Zach’s valuables, she was just trying to keep the stench from spreading.

  Zach let out a laugh.

  “That bad huh? Alright well this all better be cleaned in like an hour or two, I’m coming back with my date to pick up my stuff.” Zach explained, he figured that they wouldn’t be able to high tail it out of town in that amount of time with all this stuff.

  Afterall, they didn’t have THE Demon Lord's massive inventory, now did they?

  “Yes! We weren’t expecting such a large order so we won’t be able to finish it by… next week. Maybe three.” Rough bluffed, Zach rolled his eyes.

  “I feel I’ve been a very generous customer, you can make it happen for me in a few hours, right?” Zach asked as Forrest audibly gulped.

  “Great! See you soon!” Zach laughed, finally feeling the power of being The Demon Lord once again.

  …

  Drackura floated through his library, searching for a book requested by an extremely stressed out Lillithvin.

  “Ssshe’sssss in desssperate need of sssome ressspite.” Rumuna hissed as she slithered through Drackura’s library.

  “And I must inquire, why are you playing errand girl today, Miss Rockseth?” Drackura asked boredly as he pursued his extensive collection of romantic literature.

  “Haven’t you read the report? Lillithvin’ssss been picking up all of our ssssslack since we sssstarted our ressspective missssions.” Rumuna explained incredulously. Drackura rolled his eyes.

  “Indeed I have, but I fail to see why that makes you the top pick to deliver this novel to her.” Drackura clarified as he grabbed the novel that Lillithvin had requested. It had a blacked out cover and had been banned in the Demon Realm, Earthly Realm and especially the Heavenly Realm. Rumuna blushed like a school girl as she picked it up.

  “T-Thisssss issss very… embarrassssssing for a lady to read, don't you know?” Rumuna mumbled as she placed the book inside a black bag, then that black bag in a hard cover case, and that hard cover case in her inventory.

  “Hmm, I’ve read about this emotion in books...” Drackura pondered as he stroked his beard. Rumuna used her long slimy tail to smack Drackura in the back of the head.

  “Have your ghosssst explain it to you then!” Rumuna screamed as she quickly left Drackura’s library. As Rumuna left a ghost floated through the floor to guide her out of the castle.

  “Sorry about Dracks! What’d he do this time?” Cherry, the aforementioned ghost, giggled as her reddish form floated alongside Rumuna.

  “Ssssshuttup, I’m not in the mood to talk to sssome faux sssssoul.” Rumuna grumbled as she slithered down the stairs and to the Dungeon Portal that connected back to the Demon Lord’s castle in the Demon Realm.

  “Sorry about that! I can still be a little air-headed still, hehe.” Cherry giggled, in exactly the same tone as before.

  “Ssssuch a freak…” Rumuna scowled to herself as she walked through the open portal, quickly having it closed behind her.

  Cherry continued staring with her blank faced smile for a moment before floating back to Drackura who was still pondering.

  “Hello Dracks! How are you?” Cherry asked in the exact same tone of voice.

  “Just fine darling, and yourself?” Drackura asked somberly.

  “Oh Dracks, you know when I’m with you, I’m always happy!” Cherry said.

  “I know… I know.”

  “Oh Dracks, you know when I’m with you, I’m always happy!” Cherry said again.

  “Remind me to add some more responses for you later. Perhaps we can find something in a book you used to like.” Drackura sighed as he returned to his assigned mission of finding any and all references to the other world as he could.

  …

  Autumn had changed into a casual dress and was waiting outside the Hero’s Guild for Zach.

  Though it was primarily performative for Taro who was still drunkenly drinking and telling stories, Autumn fully expected Zach to have been knocked out and dumped in a ditch by now.

  However when Zach arrived looking smug, chipper, and the scent of demon being replaced with a faint smell of sulphur, Autumn’s heart sank before she quickly put on her game face, she had to adapt.

  “Ready to go on our little date~?” Autumn asked with a sultry smile.

  “Oh you know it. Though I gotta say, your friend's place was a little… shit.” Zach laughed as Autumn’s eyes widened as she let out a nervous laugh.

  “How blunt of you, I like that. Let’s get dinner!” Autumn said quickly changing the subject as she grabbed Zach by the hand, who melted like putty.

  “You smell much better! So what did you get done!?” Autumn asked as she guided Zach away from the scammer hideout.

  “Oh sauna, massage and full inventory clean. Glad you can tell the difference, it cost a lot.” Zach smirked, he wasn’t gonna get tricked, he was too smart for that.

  “R-really? That must take awhile! C’mon let’s go somewhere nice!” Autumn laughed as her new plan formulated in her brain.

  “I gotta keep this freak busy for as long as possible while everyone else gets out of here.” Autumn thought panicked.

  “Never had a woman this desperate to date before. Not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, let’s see how far she’s willing to go.” Zach thought lecherously. If he was going to get scammed he may as well get his money’s worth, right?

  If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  The ‘date’ mostly consisted of Zach being dragged to the finest establishments in Porus, some even the finest in all of the Earthly Realm. Naturally this meant the most expensive.

  Of course, most expensive meant the bills were in gold coins.

  A night and food in one of the Hero’s Guild rooms? 1 gold.

  The finest tea and cakes in all of Helvetia? 3 gold.

  A new tailored dress and suit for Autumn and Zach completed on a rush job? 23 Gold.

  A room in one of the most elaborate hotels for only the richest royalty for a night? 50 Gold.

  Of course, Zach didn’t have any gold coins, he only had a bunch of dark metal coins and a few white metal coins. He assumed the dark metal was some kind of silver or iron.

  Adamance coins as it turns out were the second most valuable type of coin, only behind Mythril, which were the white coins he had.

  Throughout the night Zach barely spent 1 whole Adamance coin on the most expensive places that Autumn could find.

  Mythril was worth about 70 times more than Adamance.

  Zach could’ve bought a house for two Mythril coins.

  “Oh god I’m regretting not bringing Taro now.” Zach thought with a groan as he noticed the alleyway.

  “Hey, let's check on your friends, I wanna see if they’ve finished cleaning my stuff.” Zach suddenly declared, pulling Autumn down the alley way, only to be met with nothing.

  “Please be gone please be gone please be gone…” Autumn preyed as she was dragged by Zach, noting that the sign had been taken down and letting out a sigh of relief as Zach panicked.

  “What? This isn’t where I told you to go.” Autumn said in fake shock, luckily she had prepared a story while eating dinner

  “I swear to god they were RIGHT here!” Zach explained desperately entering the building to find that it had been cleared out of nearly everything but the monster balls and other pieces of junk.

  “I’m sorry but I’ve never been here before…” Autumn apologised stifling a panicked laugh.

  “B-but, then where is all that stuff…” Zach whined as he looked at his now empty inventory, grabbing the balls and putting them back in his inventory should he get the chance to sell them later. Both Zach and Autumn heard quiet breathing which Zach moved to check before Autumn quickly interjected, she knew what her friends had done.

  Forest, Rough and Purple had stuffed their inventories to the absolute limit and ran as far as they could while heavily over encumbered. They were leaking mana, fast and wouldn’t be able to get far, just needed to get far enough to fool Zach. Unfortunately Forest was left behind for her natural carrying capacity was much smaller while her greed was much greater than the others.

  “My friends! They are at the Maison Bathhouse on the other side of the road. I think you got lost!” Autumn exclaimed, her faux sympathy was a well crafted act for this very situation though she was panicking as Forrest quickly activated her Mousekin Blood Magic to hide her presence. She’d run out of magic fast with all that junk in her inventory while using her Blood Magic.

  “Are you serious?!” Zach exclaimed loudly, turning around incredulously to look at Autumn before he hung his head in despair.

  “This is on me, I knew they were scamming and let my feelings for this woman I just met get in the way. Never again.” Zach swore to himself.

  “C’mon, let’s get some rest! Our hotel room should be ready by now~” Autumn purred as she grabbed Zach’s hand, his prior resolve immediately being foiled. Autumn discretely dropped her key to the fancy hotel she’d made Zach book for them before they left the building.

  “Well whatever, wasn’t my money, wasn’t my stuff, still got a lot of coins in my pocket and a beautiful woman dragging me to a hotel room, it’ll all be fine.” Zach thought in an attempt to feel better about the situation. Forest nearly passed out but managed to dump her inventory, grab the key and make her way to the hotel.

  Autumn eagerly dragged him to the hotel room she had insisted he booked, she was a woman of finer tastes despite her background in cat thievery.

  The pair entered Hotel Couteux, the ornate marble water fountains lit by the city's famous candles stood tall in the main lobby where they were greeted by a personal chaperone.

  “Ah welcome, we’ve been expecting you.” The chaperone said, looking at Zach and his mistress. Autumn gave him a subtle hush with her finger. The chaperone nodded, figuring this man had very particular tastes he wished to keep discreet, after all that's what the Private Suite is for.

  Making their way to the room Autumn practically hung off of the bright red Zach.

  “You’re just sooo funny and interesting you know?” Autumn lied.

  “O-oh y-y-y-yeah I know.” Zach stuttered as Autumn subtly took off his large jacket.

  While Autumn warmed herself up Forest tentatively walked into the hotel lobby, anxiously holding up the keycard to the private suite to a chaperone.

  “Ah, you must be with the MacDonald party, shall I inform them of your-”

  “N-No! It’s uh… Uhhhh… a surprise.” Forrest squeaked anxiously.

  “Clearly a man of very peculiar taste.” The chaperone thought as he shook his head as Forest was guided to the private room.

  “I’ll uh… wait here. For the signal.” Forrest gulped as the chaperone shook his head again. Forest opened the door slightly and poked her head through to watch.

  Zach was barely present at that moment, it’d all happened so fast and he was feeling a lifetime of virginity about to disappear in a moment.

  Then he suddenly had a thought.

  “I haven’t taken off these pants since I’ve gotten here, why? Did I think it’d be weird? Wait, I haven't had to go to the bathroom since getting here either. Hold on, why?” Zach suddenly felt a sense of dread emerge as Autumn lowered his pants

  “WAIT!” Zach shouted but it was too late, the dark truth was revealed.

  Autumn stared in awe silently.

  Forest let out a gasp.

  Zach felt faint.

  He had no manhood.

  It was completely flat, like an action figure made of muscle.

  Autumn tapped it gingerly.

  It was like a hard wood bench.

  The traumatic memories came flooding back all at once, the ones he had done his best to suppress.

  It was one of the first things he did when coming to this world.

  He checked to see the state of his manhood, well the Demon Lord’s manhood but still.

  Unfortunately, it did not exist, even when transforming himself he was still without it.

  This of course, was too much to handle, so he’d just blocked it, and been subconsciously avoiding it this entire time.

  And now, faced with a pretty girl willing to do the deed and none of the equipment to do the deed with?

  It was too much for the virgin to handle, a nightmare scenario that had become real. So close to achieving a dream of his and to be blocked by something so fundamental?

  He fainted, he couldn’t take it.

  Autumn blinked and looked at the nude Zach for a moment longer, but then adjusted her dress and grabbed the pouch of coins.

  “C’mon before he wakes up.” Autumn hissed to the utterly shocked Forest as she kicked the closest she was hiding in.

  Forest left, looking back and feeling slightly bad for the man they’d just robbed of pretty much everything.

  Then she thought about the fancy cheeses she was going to buy and suddenly didn’t feel so bad.

  The chaperone looked at the ladies with a raised eyebrow.

  “He didn’t last long.” Autumn cooed, the chaperone letting out an audible groan.

  …

  “YOU SPENT HOW MUCH?!” Taro shouted as Zach hung his head in despair. It was the morning after and Taro had to gingerly explain the situation to an extremely hung over Taro.

  “Just y’know… 2 Mythril coins, like a 100 Adamance… 10 Gold…” Zach explained with a somber laugh. Taro face palmed and let out a pained groan.

  “That’s 50 million yen worth of coins you managed to spend or have stolen in one night…” Taro said frustratedly as Dawn approached with the men's breakfast.

  “I can’t believe Autumn would do that! She seemed so honest… Well for a Beastkin.” Dawn added disappointedly as she placed the plates of eggs and bread in front of them. Taro sighed as Zach pulled his head up.

  “I thought it was love at first sight…” Zach sniffed tearfully.

  “You really thought a woman rolling all over you just because you had a bit of money was love?”

  “No but I could’ve pretended if she could’ve…” Zach explained awkwardly. Dawn’s usual cheery demeanour faded for a moment as she saw Taro in absolute anguish at the situation.

  “Well you’re a part of the guild now and you’re pretty strong too! You can earn some money pretty quick!” Dawn exclaimed, putting on her usual cheery tone before walking off.

  “She’s right, you just spent all of our funds.” Taro sneered. Zach back to Taro, brow furrowing.

  “Our?”

  Taro shrugged.

  “I defeated the Demon Lord so I got all of his gold, you took over his body so had access to them, we’re in a party together. Our money.” Taro explained spuriously.

  “Aren’t you the big hero, shouldn’t you get some cash reward?”

  “Well… about that…” Taro sighed, as it turns out his family had already claimed the reward from the Elves ‘on his behalf’ as soon as news broke.

  “Why don’t you just ask your family for some cash?” Zach asked, having mostly recovered from his latest woman related mishap as leaned on the table, picking at his food.

  “We’re not exactly on speaking terms.” Taro explained with an awkward glance to the side.

  “Oh so they’re assholes, got it.”

  “Anyway look, we just need an Adamance coin and then we can search for the rest of the party.” Taro explained, quickly changing the topic away from his family.

  “Why?”

  “The wizard I was drinking with last night… Weren’t you here for that conversation? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. He needs money for the materials and he’ll do a translocation spell for us.”

  “Couldn’t I just do that?”

  “Remember what happened yesterday with the boy and the church? No way you’re using magic like that again.”

  “Ah, yeah, right. You could get him to teach me though?”

  “I’m currently questioning if you’re mentally challenged or not right now. We do not have time to waste teaching you magic. Besides, several of my party members are magic users, they can teach you while we travel.” Taro barked as Zach let out a sigh. He had messed up, badly.

  While this conversation was happening, the only other adventurers in the Guild’s inn listened in, sitting on the table just behind the Hero while eating their own breakfasts.

  “That’s the hero, can you believe it?” Vivette asked in a hushed voice, her long elven ears bouncing excitedly.

  “And they’re looking for a job, I think we should ask them to party up.” Douglous replied in an equally hushed tone, his dopey smile drooping on his face as it usually did. Vivette shook her head.

  “No way! We’re not bothering them, they're clearly too busy for us right now!” Vivette reprimanded. Douglous shrugged in response.

  “I’ll ask them later.”

  Zach of course heard both of them loudly and clearly. Deciding he wanted to get out of being bullied by Taro for his prior mistake he spun around on his chair to face the human and elf.

  “You two schmucks know any missions worth 2 Adamance coins then?” Zach asked snarkily, startling both of them.

  Douglous turned around to face Zach while Vivette looked away, blushing from the awkwardness.

  “Yes actually! From the Porus Academy of Magic. 2 Adamance and 15 Gold for retrieving some stolen goods.” Douglous explained as he handed Taro the job notice that was sitting on the bench beside him. Taro glared at Zach and rubbed his temples.

  “What rank are you guys?” Taro asked bluntly as Zach handed him the job, noting the requirement for the mission was Adamance or above.

  “We’re both Gold ranked.” Douglous explained cheerfully while Vivete felt a burning sense of embarrassment at the whole interaction.

  “Then it’s above your pay grade.” Taro replied curtly as he placed the job on the table.

  “Aw c’mon, can’t be that hard look, just a couple of books and an egg.” Zach said as he grabbed the job.

  “The guild has ranks for a reason. If you’re only gold then they haven’t done enough to rank up.” Taro retorted bluntly.

  “I’m only silver ranked, remember.” Zach smirked. Taro rolled his eyes.

  “You’re an exception and you know it, I’m not letting under-ranked members join us when we can just do it ourselves. Besides this is going to take far too long, we can get money faster by hunting monsters.” Taro said definitively, crossing his arms.

  “We have a good lead on where the thieves are! We just can’t do the mission without the right rank…” Vivette interjected suddenly before trailing off awkwardly. She had started standing up to emphasise her point before sitting back down slowly as she trailed off.

  “C’mon, you need some Adamance coins, we need some Adamance ranked adventurers, let's help each other out!” Douglous explained cheerfully, his maroon and gold armour glistening in the early morning light.

  “Yeah go on, what’s the worst that can happen?” Zach asked.

  Taro looked back at him with a blank face.

  “What?” Zach asked.

  “Fine, fine, whatever.” Taro said exasperatedly, raising his hands in the air in defeat as he went to accept the mission on the group's behalf.

  “Zach by the way.”

  “I’m Douglous, this is Vivette. Pleasure to be working with you.” Douglous replied with a lopsided smile, putting his armored hand out to shake Zach’s naturally metallic hand.

  “Pleasure’s all mine, I’ve always wanted to meet an Elf.” Zach smirked as he stood up.

  “I get that a lot…” Vivette laughed awkwardly, clutching her bow as Zach sat down next to Douglous across from her.

  “Yeah, I've been meeting a whole bunch of different species since coming here.” Zach explained casually, his metallic hands catching Vivette’s attention as they glistened in the light.

  “Really? Where are you from, friend?” Douglous asked in his usual friendly tone.

  “Ah y’know… Far far away. You’ll never have heard of it.” Zach deflected, taking a sip of his morning grog, the cheapest stuff that was leftover from last night’s drunken debauchery which Dawn didn’t mind giving Zach for free.

  “Try us, we’ve been all over Helvetia, Xiaoyu AND Vespucia.” Douglous bragged as Vivette sighed.

  “Mostly just protecting trading caravans.” Vivette clarified.

  “Ah yeah, way far from them, no wayyyy you’ll have heard of it. This funky island called Australia, lots of snakes and kangaroos. But what about you, where are you two from?” Zach asked, quickly changing the topic.

  “I’ve never heard of that island… What’s a Kangaroo?” Vivette wondered.

  “Angilo.” Douglous replied, paying no mind to the strange island Zach had just said he’s from.

  “Oh yeah, I’m from a town near the Furinch border in the Elven Empire, me and Lou were actually just going to this job before visiting.” Vivette said vaguely.

  “Yeah I’ve always wanted to visit the Elven Forest!” Douglous said excitedly, causing Vivette to face palm.

  “Oh sick so you’re like a wood elf then?” Zach asked sincerely.

  “Y-yeah something like that. But what about you?”

  “What about me?” Zach asked cluelessly.

  “You’re uh, don’t seem to be human or… any species I recognize actually.” Vivette explained awkwardly.

  Zach raised an eyebrow before looking at his metallic hands and blue skin.

  “Oh right, yeah I’m homunculus I think." Zach shrugged before taking another swig of grog.

  “You think?” Vivette asked incredulously. She had studied magic casually, not knowing for certain if you yourself were a homunculus had some strange implications on origins of this blueish man with metal hands.

  “Oh that’s awesome! I’ve never met a talking homunculus!” Douglous exclaimed excitedly as Taro sighed at the reception desk where Dawn was still working.

  “They’re having fun! You should join before going on your little mission!” Dawn as she finished the paperwork for assigning him the job.

  “Not in the mood anymore.” Taro replied with a depressed sigh, too hungover to put on his cheery and optimistic Cedrick persona at the moment.

  “Aww, you were having so much fun last night what happened?” Dawn asked.

  “I found out that I’m working with an idiot.” Taro sighed as he pushed himself off from the wall.