Intern’s Log: China’s Silence is More Terrifying Than Bandit

  Date: Redacted

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I’ve officially stopped asking “how bad can it get.” It always gets worse.)

  So, after Bandit’s Mongolian BBQ War, everyone expected China to say something.

  A statement. A warning. A strongly worded letter.

  But instead?

  Silence.

  China has said absolutely NOTHING.

  At first, we thought they just didn’t care. But now?

  Now we know the truth.

  Phase One: The First Clues

  The first sign that something was off came from satellite footage over China’s Sichuan province.

  ? Strange troop movements in restricted military zones.

  ? Encrypted radio chatter using codes we’ve never seen before.

  ? Unexplained power surges near classified research facilities.

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  ? One intercepted transmission that simply said, “The Bamboo Legion is prepared.”

  At first, analysts thought it was just another secretive Chinese military operation.

  Then, we got a blurry surveillance photo smuggled out by a field agent.

  And that’s when the screaming started.

  Phase Two: The Panda Men

  ? Eight feet tall.

  ? Broad-shouldered, barrel-chested, built like walking tanks.

  ? Black-and-white fur, but unmistakably humanoid.

  ? Custom military-grade armor designed for their size.

  ? **Fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, and strategic warfare.

  ? Highly trained in hand-to-hand combat and heavy weapons.

  ? **One of them was dual-wielding a rocket launcher and a bamboo staff.

  Yes.

  CHINA HAS MADE UPLIFTED PANDA SOLDIERS.

  And here’s the worst part:

  Unlike Bandit’s bear army, which is chaotic and unpredictable, the Panda Men are disciplined.

  ? They take orders.

  ? They follow strict combat doctrine.

  ? They have an actual military hierarchy.

  This isn’t an experiment.

  This is an army.

  Phase Three: The Realization

  ? China wasn’t ignoring Bandit.

  ? They weren’t afraid of the Russian bears.

  ? They didn’t care about Mongolian BBQ.

  Because they were too busy preparing their OWN ANIMAL SOLDIERS.

  And now?

  They’re just watching.

  They let Bandit and Russia have their fun.

  They let Mongolia get invaded over grilled meat.

  They let the world panic over the bear problem.

  Because they know, when the time comes…

  The Panda Men will march.

  Phase Four: What This Means for the World

  ? Russia has war bears.

  ? China has disciplined panda warriors.

  ? Bandit is out there doing whatever the hell he wants.

  ? The U.S. is trying (and failing) to control the dog-soldiers.

  ? And Fen, our rogue werewolf super-soldier, is still at large.

  This isn’t just a global crisis anymore.

  This is the rise of the animal warlords.

  And you know who the Pentagon wants to deal with this?

  Me.

  An intern.

  I need a drink.